The Origin Of The Chimpton

Posted by Great Uncle Bimbo on
Category: Friends & Relatives26 Comments •

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The Chimpton, pictured centre her clothes burnt off by napalm, tries to escape the war.
In a couple of posts recently we have suggested that The Chimpton is Vietnamese. She has strong Asian features and one of Jammy Toast’s readers has even mistaken her for an Asian Ladyboy. So, bearing this in mind, we decided it was time to reveal the truth concerning the origin of The Chimpton. Where she came from, how she ended up here at Jammy Toast and why the British Government have not sent her home, yet. Today we will reveal the truth…

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Weather Report #11

Posted by The Bearkeeper on
Category: Weather20 Comments •

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Here on Jammy Toast we feel it is our duty to let you know all the latest news and views, so as part of this promise we feel it is important we give you an accurate weather report. Providing this service can help you to plan your days out – would you need a raincoat or umbrella or would you be fine in just a t-shirt? As with everything else we do, we do it differently from other news and weather sites and we employ famous celebrities to tell you the weather in our own very special way. With this in mind, we have employed some of our favourite celebrities to impart the latest climatic conditions…

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Bear Music #55

Posted by Flat Eric on
Category: Music21 Comments •

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There is nothing more we love here at Jammy Toast than listening to some of our favourite tunes. From time to time we will post a music video from an artist or genre that we think will be enjoyable to you; our friends. We often feature music that you may not have come across before, or music that maybe you just missed the first time around. Try and listen with an open mind, you never know, you may find something you can add to your iPod. If you have any music videos you would like us to feature then drop us a line – we are always happy to listen to requests but we cannot promise to feature everyone’s favourite…

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Great Uncle Bimbo Remembers #24

Posted by Great Uncle Bimbo on
Category: Great Uncle Bimbo36 Comments •

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Hello, my name is Bimbo. I am Great Uncle to all the bears even though I am not really a Renault Bear myself. It is a bit of an honorary title because I am a very old bear. In fact, I was bought for Davidd by his Grandparents on the day that he was born many, many years ago. I can remember many things that have happened in my lifetime and these are the things I write about in my column. I will tell you of things that happened not just to Davidd and me, but things I can remember from television, news or anything else that comes into my head.

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Talking Shit #75

Posted by The Bearkeeper on
Category: Open Day/Talking Shit21 Comments •

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Today we are going to ask everyone who visits Jammy Toast to just “Talk Shit” for the day. We ask that anyone who visits Jammy Toast leaves a comment on just about any subject they choose. Funny or sad, true or false, real or fake; we don’t give a shit as long as it is entertaining and doesn’t really hurt anyone. We ask you to do this because we are too busy to think of anything else to post – hopefully everyone will like the freedom to whine and bitch. The rules are pretty simple to explain – basically, anything goes!

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A Travesty Of Justice

Posted by The Bearkeeper on
Category: General21 Comments •

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St Catherine’s Hospital prior to its demolition in 2010.
Today I would like to report a possible conspiracy which has haunted me for 57 years. As you will all have read, yesterday was my birthday. I was born in St Catherine’s Hospital[*] where the most hideous of mix-ups occurred that has affected my whole life. You see my Mummy – who we call Granny here on Jammy Toast because she is The Chimpton’s Granny – is thick, as you all know from some of the stories we have published over the years. I also have two sisters who are exactly the same; both as thick as Granny and who prattle-on on just about any subject you care to mention. On the other hand, I am a relatively intelligent person who – as the Chimpton will confirm – is quiet, noble and withdrawn. In fact, the complete opposite of Granny, Diane and Pauline. What I have always maintained is that all those years ago there was a mix-up at the hospital and a rather intelligent, good-looking family took Granny’s real son home and I was left to endure the family from hell.

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Happy Birthday To Me, And Many More!

Posted by The Bearkeeper on
Category: Friends & Relatives34 Comments •

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Today is my birthday and I am beginning to get on a bit. So-much-so that The Chimpton takes great delight in calling me an old dodderer. But during our more serious conversations she has stated that she worries about me because of my weight. She doesn’t want me to kick the bucket in case she ends up being deported back to Vietnam – for those of you who do not know, she was a Vietnamese Boat Child. Most people can tell by her slanty eyes, but The Chimpton fled Vietnam as a very young child to escape the Vietnam War and was held in a refugee camp until I adopted her and brought her home – a story for another day. So if I die, there is a chance she might be sent back. However, today I have some great news for her – and me – it turns out, some extra pounds later in life can actually be protective. It’s something scientists have deemed the “obesity paradox”: being overweight correlates with a lower risk of death for older individuals than their skinny counterparts.

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Razzi Writes #64

Posted by Razzi on
Category: Razzi Writes18 Comments •

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Our friend Lexi has been complaining that I haven’t written anything for a while, so I thought I better get writing. I never usually write about any one thing in my column and just waffle away about many different subjects – so why change now. Well this month Granny has been surpassing herself with her behaviour, so I thought I would cover this. In truth, I think Granny is trying to monopolise Jammy Toast. Davidd tries to write about subjects, at most, once a month. However, Granny has already had two stories so far this month and I am just about to relay another. This is because our Granny is barking mad!

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Bear Music #54

Posted by Flat Eric on
Category: Music22 Comments •

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There is nothing more we love here at Jammy Toast than listening to some of our favourite tunes. From time to time we will post a music video from an artist or genre that we think will be enjoyable to you; our friends. We often feature music that you may not have come across before, or music that maybe you just missed the first time around. Try and listen with an open mind, you never know, you may find something you can add to your iPod. If you have any music videos you would like us to feature then drop us a line – we are always happy to listen to requests but we cannot promise to feature everyone’s favourite…

Read More…