Recently she has been confusing the number thirty-five with twenty-five and when confronted with evidence that she is wrong refuses to accept any evidence to the contrary. Only this weekend she saw an old friend of ours we used to work with at E4A – okay, he may have been the world’s worst cleaner but we’re not holding that against him – and became concerned about the pockmarks on his face. There was nothing wrong with his face. I think she has been watching too much of Dr Pimple-Popper and is now seeing imperfections in everyone she meets.
These are all signs of her losing any façade of normality she may have once possessed.
Plans need to be formulated and steps made for her own safety.
We are now pleased to announce we have located a very nice NHS facility which specialises in the care of mentalist Chimptons. Ashworth Hospital is one of just three high-security psychiatric facilities in the country. One of Britain’s most notorious killers, Ian Brady, was detained at the Maghull hospital for more than 30 years. The site provides treatment for patients who pose a grave danger to themselves or to other people – this is definitely Chimpton, I have seen the bruises.
Up to 288 patients are treated at the hospital at any one time, living in a series of 14 single-storey semi-detached wards spread across the site, clustered around wide open green spaces. This would obviously suit Chimpton as when the weather is good she can sit outside and talk to the squirrels.
Hospital bosses have assured us that the site is highly secure and that nobody has ever escaped from the modern facility which is surrounded by even higher walls – this was a concern of ours because Chimpton’s are very chimp-like and are good climbers.
Visitors even have to go through airport-style security and are searched by sniffer dogs and must go through several sets of air-locked doors which close behind them before the next one opens. Again, the security was something we were concerned about as we don’t want her to be able to get her hands on the recreational drugs which have been part of her plummet from grace. We blame many of Chimpton’s problems on her drug experimentation years ago and the lure of rubber tree plants.
The hospital has a good record of dealing with patients similar to Chimpton. Police killer Dale Cregan was there for some time before being deemed sane enough to be returned to the normal prison population. We know that Chimpton’s is a much more serious case, but we are sure the hospital can help her back down the road to sanity. After all, Mersey Care, the health body which runs the site, was rated ‘good’ overall by Care Quality Commission inspectors as recently as last year.
It was caught up in the Jimmy Savile sex abuse scandal after reports that he sexually abused several patients while visiting the former Moss Side Hospital in the 1970s and 1980s but we are confident that these problems are now all behind the hospital.
Overall, we think this would prove a good home for Chimpton and she would fit in with the other psychiatric patients perfectly – let’s just hope none of the other patients have any skin imperfections!