For those of you lucky enough to have a Renault Bear of your own, I thought perhaps you would like to know how to best care for your furry little friend. With this in mind, here is the definitive guide to fostering a Renault Bear.

Firstly, your bear should be woken in the morning at around 9am. This is so he has time to eat his Jammy Toast and drink his cup of tea before Jeremy Kyle starts. There is nothing worse than having to rush your Jammy Toast and ending up having to eat it while also watching Jezza. Jammy Toast should be lightly toasted and not burnt with lots and lots of your bear’s favourite flavour of jam. The jam should not be just any old brand – bears are very keen on Robertson’s and most seem to prefer Strawberry or Blackcurrant.

While they are watching Jezza they can be left pretty much to their own devices but they will need some company at 10:30am when Judge Judy starts. Those of you who have seen Judy in full flow, will know she can be a very frightening lady. Renault Bears, while they enjoy the drama of the programme, can get very scared when Judy is on and so will need to be reassured that Judy is not coming to get them. Razzi in particular is susceptible to fears of this nature.

Once Judy is finished at midday, some of the Bears like to have a little nap while others like to play on the internet for a while. If the latter is the case, it is a good idea to have a Net Nanny, or similar software, installed to stop them surfing for Bear Porn. They have been known to download all kinds of smutty bear goings on and this can be dangerous for their very delicate minds.

Be warned, you do not want another Razzi on your hands!

After their 40 winks the bears quite often like to enjoy an afternoon film and so installing Sky TV for your Renault Bear is a must. They do not like re-runs of any old crap like Columbo, they like to have a large selection of current up-to-date films with a modern theme. Sky Plus would be an advantage.

A Cup of Tea and a Cookie is called for mid-afternoon to keep the wolf from the door. Tesco’s own made Chocolate Chip Cookies are a firm favourite although Sainsbury’s also make an acceptable alternative.

Renault Bears like their evening meal between 6pm and 7pm when all the boring news programmes are on the television because… well they are boring. It is worth mentioning however, that everything must be cleared away by 7pm when Bondi Beach is on the CBS Reality channel. This is another firm favourite of the Bears and cannot be missed.

The day ends anytime between 9pm, when some of the bears like to retire for the night, and midnight when the more adventurous bears like to call it a day. It is worth keeping an eye on them towards the end of the day also as this is another favourite internet time if there is nothing on the television.

During the evening some Bears like to play games but it is work stating that they are great big cheats at most games and tend to take advantage of the fact that they are quite small. For example, playing Scrabble will have them insisting on using “bear words”. Favourite bear words are QZKT, ZZQKX and XZQUKX. They will insist that these, and many others, are valid bear words and are all acceptable when playing with bears!

You may think that once they are all asleep you are safe to retire for the night but this is not always the case. Renault Bears seem to suffer from a very special strain of night-time thirst and because they do not like getting out of bed once they are in it, you will be called upon for a drink of water once or twice during the night.

Hard work indeed, but they are worth it!