Well Meffs, you have all no-doubt heard of the famous Chimpton Jarmies, well here they are. The Tigger Jarmies with matching odd socks! This is how a Chimpton spends her life curled up in her bed. I come home from work and put on a t-shirt and jogging bottoms to be comfy, some of you may do similar but this is what a Chimpton becomes once the door of her flat is closed.
Hello everyone. Me and dad argue all the time. He says I’m a short arse and I say I’m not, I’m just the right height for a small person. Now look at the picture, I told you I would find someone I was bigger than — even if it is only a mouse! I am not quite sure why the Queen is standing like she has just had an accident in her trackie but anyway…
Firstly, let me confirm this week’s winner, my friend Rat from the London family of Rats (we have yet to meet sister Rat, but Mum and Dad are cool!). My friend Rat is rather a cutiepie and he’s this weeks winner well done cutie, your guess at 2lb was spot on. Now the truth… Dad glossed over last night’s fatclub to skit at the Queen so I thought I would tell you what really happened.
Tonight’s Fatclub went ok and this week I lost 2lbs which makes 8lbs for the month. Well done Rat, you’re this weeks winner, see Chimpton for your prize but don’t hold your breath because I think she still owes you one from months ago. The Slimmer of the Month award is up for grabs as I have not had a marvellous month so far and with one week to go there are a few in the running for the award. All stops out this week to see if I can get a good loss for next week to once more gain the title of Slimmer of the Month.
Make sure you get your bids in for Fatclub tomorrow night and we might even have a very special guest with us but he’s very shy and doesn’t show up sometimes; so watch this space. I will probably have to write the Fatclub Report myself tomorrow as Chimpton is very tired and will most likely be even more tired by tomorrow night, that’s if shes not too busy with other engagements!
My job, readers, involves helping clients with Criminality, Alcohol and Homelessness issues, yes a lovely bunch. This particular client amongst his many charms has just been released from prison for crimes such as ARSON and ABH. Isn’t he the little cutie?His parting words to me where, I would love to see you with your hair down wearing a skirt. Do you think you could arrange that for our next meeting? No wonder I’m single.