Hiya Toasters.. So last week I told yas all about me holiday to Turkey but now am back in England && back in work — thats the sad bit.. Last Sunday was me first day back in work and I was on a late shift working until 11pm.. I hate working that late cos when I finish there is only me and one other girl in the shop && we have to clean up, cash up && get ready for the next day.. So when we finished everything its time to set the alarm, lock up and go home to bed.. Except the bloody alarm wouldnt set!!
Hiya Everyone && As Yas Can Probably Tell Am Back From Me Little Holiday To Turkeyy.. Don’t Ask Me If I Had A Good Time Or Owt Coz I Can’t Remember.. It Was Me Birthday While I Was Away So I Spent Most Of Me Hols Pissed.. Normally When I Go On Holiday I Drink Loads But Coz It Was Me Birthday I Was Even Worse Than Normal.. && Before Davidd Grasses On Me,, I Met This Lad Out There && I Ended Up Wiff A Big Spammy On Me Neck && He Even Give Me One On Me Face!! It Was That Bad It Ended Up All Bruised So Am Now Back Home Walkin Round Liverpool With A Big Bruise On Me Cheek.. I Wouldn’t Mind But The Lad Did It Right In Front Of Me Mum Who Thought It Was The Funniest Thing Ever!! She Was Pissing Herself Laughing At Him.. I Was Like Mum,, I’m Ya Little Princess Ya Meant To Protect Me From Lads..
ILove Da Film Silence Of The Lambs But What I Didnt Know Was We Have Our Own Hannibal The Cannibal In Liverpool.. His Name Is Robert Maudsley && He Has Spent 40 Years In Solitary Confinement && Will Never Be Allowed Out Of Prison — EVER!! He Comes From Speke && From A Big Family,, I Think There Was About 10 Kids.. Da Mum && Dad Couldnt Cope So Da Kids Went Into Nazareth House In Crosby.. That Was A Bastard Of A Place What Was Run By Nuns Called The Sisters Of Da Poor.. Everyone Thought The Nuns Was Dead Kind && Looked After Da Kids But Really De Used To Beat Da Kids && Be Real Cruel To Em.. De Never Spent Any Money On Nazareth House Or On Da Kids But De Always Had Bifters For Emselves..
Yas Must Know By Now That I Live In Kirkby And I Admit Its Not The Best Place In The World And Ya Can Even Call It Rough.. But Its Not As Bad As Dee Make Out.. I Was Lookin’ In Da Echo The Other Night && The Only Stories I Found About Kirkby Was A Drug Dealer Getting Jailed, A Woman Slashed In The Stomach During A Fight, A Woman Who Had Bricks Thrown At Her By Lads Tryin To Steal Her Dog, A Woman In Another Fight Had Her Finger Bitten Off, Armed Police Called To A Gang Armed With Baseball Bats, A Triple High-Speed Car Chase Through Kirkby Involving Two Burglars && The Vile Bastards Who Neglected Their Mother && Left Her To Be Eaten Alive By Maggots.. Fuck Me That Was Just In Kirkby On One Day!!
So I Have Been Drivin’ for Just Over Two Years Now && Even Davidd Says I Am A Really Confident Driver Like.. Sometimes A Bit Too Confident Coz I Do Drive A Bit Fast.. If Yaas Don’t Know,, Davidd Is A Driving Instructor So He Should Know Wot Hes Talkin’ About.. Even If He Does Drive Like Miss Daisy’s In Da Back!! So Last Saturdday Night I Was Working A Late So Da Shop Doesn’t Close Until 11pm.. By Da Time We Have Cashed Up,, Tidied Up && Daa It Is Nearly Midnight.. Mary Works In Da Shop && She Was A Little Angel Stayin’ Late && Helpin’ Me Finish Up. She Doesnt Drive So As A Thanks For Stayin Late I Offered Her A Lift Home..
IHope Yas Are Likin Me Stories About Kirkby Folklore Coz I Fink Dee Are Deaed Good Like.. So Dis Week I Thought I Would Tell Yas The Story Of White Man’s Dam.. This Is Like A Big Lake Between Kirkby && Knowsley,, It Is Near Knowsley Safari Park.. Years Ago There Was A Village There Wiff About A Hundred Houses && Some Farms.. The Village Was Called Stockbridge && It Was Along A Road Called Jack’s Brow.. There Is A Village There Today Called Stockbridge Village But That Is A New Village && Its Not Even In The Same Place As The Old One From Years Ago.. The Old One Was Right Next To Da Lake But The New One Is Near Dovecot..
Hiya,, I Am Still Ere Cozz Daa Devil Never Got Me Last Week On Alt Bridge — I Stayed In Bed All Day.. Some Of Yas Said That We Nicked The Story From Other Places Like In Wales,, But How Do Yas Know We Never Had The Story First?? Its Funny How Stories Get Passed Around The Country && Years Later People Think It Is Their Story.. Next To Kirkby We Have A Place Called Melling Which If Yas Ever Watch The National Horse Race You Might Have Heard Of The Melling Road.. Well Years Ago Melling && Simonswood Usta Be Big Fat Moorlands && Woods .. Now In The Woods Lived The Hobs && The Bogs Who Were Like Small Hairy Men.. There Are Other Stories Around England && Wales About Hobs && Bogs But They Are Called Hobgoblins && Boggarts Everywhere Else.. In Kirkby They Are Called Hobs && Bogs!!