We usually only cover a subject once a month here on Jammy Toast, because we don’t want people getting bored of some of the stories we post. However, we have heard a story about Granny this week which has made us think again about this rule. Although we have already posted a Granny story once this month we are going to tell you another Granny story today – because we just couldn’t wait to share it with our loyal reader. As you can no doubt tell from previous posts under the heading of “Our Granny”, we tend to take the piss out of Granny. Her forgetfulness is boundless but there is one thing that surpasses even this and that is her gullibility. You can tell Granny any old shit and she falls for it hook, line and sinker.
Granny was annoyed the other day to discover that her mobile phone bill had risen from £13 per month to nearly £17, with no notice what-so-ever. Although, if truth be told, just why Granny has a mobile phone is beyond me because it never leaves the house. Many a time, I will ring her and get no answer and she later tells me that she was out. “Where the hell was your phone?” I ask innocently, only to be told it was sitting on the kitchen table – it’s normal home. I am sure it would prove so much cheaper to just use the house phone!
The other day it was pouring down with rain and Granny was looking anxious. I asked her what was wrong and she said she had to visit Lidl, Iceland and Asda and she was going to get soaked. I offered my assistance in running her around to get her bits and pieces of shopping but she would hear none of it. I thought to myself, well at least I have offered and she has turned me down, I shall go and watch Jezza instead. Twenty minutes later she was there; “You couldn’t run me to the shops could you, seeing as you’re doing nothing?” I replied that I was doing nothing twenty minutes earlier when I first offered to take her. “No you didn’t,” she replied – a normal conversation these days.
For those of you not in the know, I think it is about time I explained who Granny is. You have heard many stories about her, but Granny is actually my Mummy, who my daughter – The Chimpton – calls Granny, which kind of makes sense. However, calling her Granny has kind of stuck and now we all refer to her as Granny. Great Uncle Bimbo, The Bears, and even I call her Granny even though The Chimpton is the only one who should actually be calling her Granny. I hope that makes sense because I would hate to have to explain it all again.
Our Granny’s behaviour is getting more and more erratic as the weeks and months go by. I will be the first to admit that she is not getting any younger, so I suppose it is to be expected. The list of things to include in these Granny updates is getting longer and longer. The other week, I pointed out to her an article in the Daily Mirror stating that people who have an active sex life are less likely to get dementia. You could see Granny’s mind working overtime on this one because, Granny being a single lady, she does not get much chance to indulge in the Kama Sutra.
As many of you will be aware, here at Jammy Toast our Granny is getting more and more erratic in her behaviour these days. She gets more and more forgetful and befuddled in her actions as the days and weeks go by. We know it is her age but it is getting to be a big concern, as she gets more confused and keeps getting things wrong. A typical recent example was when she had just put the milk bottles out. She could not find the front door key anywhere but it was discovered the next morning by the milkman – she had put the key out with the milk. This is just a recent example, there are many more.
Here at Jammy Toast, Granny drives us mental. She forgets everything, she gets confused and then argues with you and sometimes even accuses you of making things up. I would go so far as to say she is a complete pain in the arse. Despite this she is our Granny and well, she does keep us entertained with her comical adventures. However, not all people look out for elderly family members like we do. On 7th November 2015, Police and social services were baffled when an elderly man with an American accent was found lost on the streets of Hereford. He didn’t know who he was or have any ID, and furthermore, he was dressed in brand new clothes from Tesco. Tests at the county hospital showed why he wasn’t able to reveal his identity – he had dementia.