A New Home For Chimpton

Posted by The Bearkeeper on
Category: Health/Wealth24 Comments

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Some of you will have noticed that Chimpton has been getting more and more agitated recently. Her Asperger’s is running out of control and her Tourette’s is getting “fooking” worse. The amount of prescribed medication she is taking has reached the level where it now has to be delivered by DHL – and she still wants more. She is also beginning to lose her slender grasp on the reality she once had under control – many years ago now. Once upon a time, Chimpton and I would make plans for Granny’s meandering wander down the path to dotage and the steps we would take when she got beyond rational help. This has now turned full-circle to the point where Granny and I are needing plans for Chimpton’s fall into the abyss of psychiatric turmoil. Basically, her cheese has now well and truly slipped off her cracker!

One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest

Posted by The Bearkeeper on
Category: Health/Wealth26 Comments

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Afew weeks ago I went to the quacks for my annual check-up. Why they call it an “annual” check-up I have no idea because I have never had one before in my whole life. While I was there I was also asked if I had received my flu-jab yet. I told them that I hadn’t and neither had I had one any other year for that matter. I stated that I don’t like the idea of bugs being injected into my system to help my system learn to fight off the very bugs they were injecting into me. Wouldn’t it be a better idea not to get flu bugs anywhere near me in the first place, let alone through a hypodermic needle?

Ebola In Liverpool?

Posted by The Bearkeeper on
Category: Health/Wealth10 Comments

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Aman who recently worked in Africa is being treated for the deadly Ebola virus at the Royal Liverpool Hospital. He is undergoing tests after concerns were raised over his health. The man, described as having a history of travel to Western Africa, became unwell in North Wales and was rushed to Merseyside in an ambulance. The hospital is one of four in the UK placed on standby last year in case the disease reaches Britain. Public Health England said the man was being screened for a variety of different diseases, including Ebola, adding the chance of him having the virus that went epidemic in December 2013 was “very unlikely”.

Lieutenant Uhura Suffers Stroke

Posted by The Bearkeeper on
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Everyone here at Jammy Toast would like to send our best wishes to Lieutenant Uhura after she suffered a stroke recently. Nichelle Nichols, who played Lieutenant Uhura in TV’s Star Trek, suffered the stroke last night while at home in LA her agent Zach McGinnis wrote on Facebook. “She is currently undergoing testing to determine how severe the stroke was. Please keep her in your thoughts.” The 82-year-old was handpicked by Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry to appear in the original 1960s TV series.

Jammy Toast Laid Low

Posted by The Bears on
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For the last couple of days Jammy Toast has been laid low by a mystery bug. Everyone was off their Jammy Toast and no one wanted to eat for twenty-four hours. We have no idea where it came from but we are over it now so must assume it was one of those mystery twenty-four hour bugs. All of us are now back on our feet and demanding more Vera because during the last couple of days we have all been lying under duvets watching Vera on Sky Box Sets. We have fallen in love with the old battle-axe detective. She has seen us through our hours of need.

Viv Nicholson Dies

Posted by The Bearkeeper on
Category: Health/Wealth5 Comments

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Viv Nicholson, the woman who won the equivalent of £5million on the pools and then spent the lot, has died following a long fight with dementia. The legendary pools winner vowed to “spend, spend, spend” after scooping the jackpot with her husband Keith. The couple cashed in £152,000 with their win in 1961. The pair splurged the cash on flashy cars, designer clothes, holidays and partying, before being left with nothing when the taxman caught up with them. Mrs Nicholson, from Castleford, West Yorks., passed away on Saturday following a long fight with dementia, which she developed in 2009.

Davidd Gets An Abscess!

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Jammy Toast has been decimated by tooth ache. Davidd was the first one to come down with an abscess and many of the bears have now come out in sympathy. That was the official reason why there was no post yesterday but there is some doubt as to how anyone can catch an abscess. In reality, it was probably because Davidd had an abscess and so decided to watch the latest double episode of DCI Banks and all the bears decided that was more fun than having to write a post for blog. In other words – some of the bears are nothing short of shirkers!

Homeless And Alcoholic

Posted by The Bearkeeper on
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Two homeless bears are struggling to find a new home – because they are both alcoholics. A British animal charity is appealing for help in finding a home for the pair who were confiscated from a Russian restaurant. Anna Kogan from the British Big Hearts Foundation said that they were struggling to find somewhere in Europe that was capable of taking the bears. She said; “The problem is that they are alcoholics, and it is even more difficult to wean bears off alcohol than it is with human beings.”

Could Couch Potatoes Be Healthy?

Posted by The Bearkeeper on
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Here at Jammy Toast we have to admit to being the world’s worst couch potatoes. Our love of telly leads us into leading a very inactive life watching our favourite shows and not getting enough exercise into the bargain. We have worried about this in the past. Now, if a new scientific report is to be believed, couch potatoes who do no exercise are as healthy as marathon runners. Researchers say taking regular running sessions is as bad for you as not putting on your running shoes at all.

Jammy Toast Laid Low By Bear-Flu

Posted by Egginanoo Bear on
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Jammy Toast has been hit by a flu bug. Davidd has had a day off work with his duvet on the couch moaning that he never gets any sympathy while slowly but surely bear after bear slowly succumbs to the bug. The problem with Davidd and Razzi working as Driving Instructors is they pick many people up from sixth forms and colleges and so tend to bring home all the school bugs. So today all that can be heard around Jammy Toast is the sound of bear sneezes and wheezes. This is reminiscent of the great Bear-Flu outbreaks of 2010 and 2013.