Welcome Back My Friends To The Show That Never Ends

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Some of you may have been wondering where the hell we have been after we disappeared so quickly and without much notice last weekend. As many of you would have been aware, before we vanished we had been working on restoring all our archive and classic posts – a big job in itself as we have 3,791 posts with over 70,000 comments stretching back to 2006. The frustrating part was how long the whole process was taking. Edward and I were getting through about a dozen posts a day – on a good day – checking them, replacing missing media and solving layout problems. This meant it was going to take over a year to complete. We were also being slowed down by having to write new posts and moderate comments, etc. We needed a cunning plan!

Classic Toast Archive Posts

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For the last few months, Edward has been hard at work collating and restoring old Jammy Toast posts. He finished most of this work last week and we are now in the process of restoring these posts to Jammy Toast. If you look on the Archives list to the right of this post (it may be down at the bottom of your screen if you are using a phone) you will notice that the archive list now stretches back to June 2006 when we first started blogging. You might also notice that in the Categories list there is a category called “Archive Post”, these old posts will also be available here if you click on it.

Lord Davidd Of Birko OBE DASc

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Our very own Davidd with The Queen & animal rights activist Chelsea Clinton.

Iwas sitting down watching the footie last Sunday afternoon with some of the bears when there came a knock on the Jammy Toast Centre front door. Razzi went to the door to see who it was and returned moments later to announce there was some posh, old bird at the door with a crown on her wig. We are going to have to stop him mixing with Andreaa. He showed her in and there stood The Queen and Prince Charles wanting to have a little chat with me. I was shocked. I had met The Queen once before when I went to Buckingham Palace to get my OBE but I hadn’t expected Her Majesty to allow me the honour of a home visit.

Will The Real Slim Shady Please Stand Up

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Chimpton in her new wrap-around skirt!

May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up? We’re going to have a problem here. ‘Cause I’m Slim Shady, yes I’m the real Shady. All you other Slim Shady’s are just imitating… so the song goes. Well here at Jammy Toast we don’t lie to our loyal Toasters or imitate anybody. After all you are our friends and friends just don’t lie or deceive each other but today we have to hold our hands up and admit… we have lied, we have deceived and we have imitated.

Employment Opportunities At Jammy Toast

Posted by The Bearkeeper on
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For some time now I have been looking for an Apprentice Bearkeeper to help out with the day to day chores around Jammy Toast. In particular, I wanted some help with pooper scooping around the Jammy Toast Centre. If there is one thing you cannot teach Renault Bears to do it is to poop in a toilet designed for humans. The toilets are just too high for the little guys to reach. So our bears revert to their wild fore-fathers and do it in the woods – or in our case, the trees in Birkenhead Park. Wirral Council are not amused and we have had discouraging letters from their Environmental Team already. I did put out an appeal for some help last year but we had few takers – so now I am asking again.

Davidd Honoured By Liverpool University

Posted by The Bears on
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Davidd doing his best Professor pose!

Our very own Davidd has been awarded an honorary doctorate by Liverpool University. Davidd Bearkeeper OBE is to be honoured for his rescue work with Renault Bears. The Bearkeeper said after yesterday’s announcement, “What a thrill, whoever would have thought it.” Davidd is to be presented with the Honorary Doctor of Animal Science (DASc) in “acknowledgement of his work in rescuing and rehabilitating bears and for educating people on bear matters.” Davidd had a question following the announcement: “Now I’m a doctor, can I write my own prescriptions?”

Day The Police Raided Jammy Toast

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We always consider ourselves to be law abiding citizens here at Jammy Toast, but there was a time this was put to the test. Chimpton reminded us the other day of the day Jammy Toast was indeed raided by the Police. Now before all your minds start running away with you, it was not a drugs raid. The Police had not had a tip-off about Chimpton’s secret cake stash or Razzi’s porn collection – this was something much more serious. So-much-so that if it happened today we would probably have been carted off in handcuffs and Theresa May would chalk up another victim to her Investigative Powers Act.

Jammy Toast Makes Front Page News

Posted by The Bears on
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Some of you may have noticed from yesterday’s post that Davidd was awarded an OBE *cough* in the New Year’s Honours list. Well, we are not normally readers of the Daily Star but this morning when we went for our regular newspaper we couldn’t believe our eyes. There gazing back at us from the Star’s front page was our very own Davidd Bearkeeper OBE. He has only gone and made front page news – and not for the reasons we would have originally thought. We were astonished. So-much-so that we thought we would reproduce it for you here…

Davidd Gets OBE For Services To Bears

Posted by The Bears on
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Our very own Davidd Bearkeeper has been awarded an OBE in the Queen’s New Year’s Honours List. He has been recognised for his services to animals – namely bears. The Birkenvegas born keeper has been helping preserve Renault Bears since he was given Eddie Bear to take on holiday to Egypt in 2006. He later entrusted Eddie to his daughter, Chimpton, who looks after the little bear to this day. Davidd has since gone on to rescue nearly three hundred Renault Bears and has founded the Jammy Toast Retirement Home for elderly and unwanted bears.

Dissociative Identity Disorder

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You may have noticed from time to time that some very famous people visit Jammy Toast and leave comments on our posts. These celebrities are many and varied including, amongst others, God, Pink Floyd’s David Gilmour, Garfield the Cat, Stars of Monsters Inc. Sully & Mike Wazowski, The Cookie Monster, Meerkats Alexsandr Orlov & Sergei, Film Star Ted, Catfish stars Nev and Max, Authors Dr Seuss & Michael Bond, Santa Claus, Queen Elizabeth II, HRH Prince Charles, Members of the Royle Family, Rico & Larry the Cat, Bob Dylan, Jay & Silent Bob, Terry Tibbs, The Ghost of Elvis, Hawkwind’s Dave Brook, Sheriff Buford T Justice, Paisley from Tattoo Fixers, Former Prime Minister David Cameron, Comedienne Aisling Bea, Star of Ray Donovan Kerris Dorsey, Sigmund Freud, Alf Garnett, Cher Lloyd, Paddington Bear, Steven Seagull and Jon Pigeon. You may have wondered if these people were actually visiting Jammy Toast or was someone just making the whole thing up.