Employment Opportunities At Jammy Toast

Posted by Lord Bearkeeper OBE DASc on
Category: Jammy Toast44 Comments

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For some time now I have been looking for an Apprentice Bearkeeper to help out with the day to day chores around Jammy Toast. In particular, I wanted some help with pooper scooping around the Jammy Toast Centre. If there is one thing you cannot teach Renault Bears to do it is to poop in a toilet designed for humans. The toilets are just too high for the little guys to reach. So our bears revert to their wild fore-fathers and do it in the woods – or in our case, the trees in Birkenhead Park. Wirral Council are not amused and we have had discouraging letters from their Environmental Team already. I did put out an appeal for some help last year but we had few takers – so now I am asking again.

We were approached by a firm last time who do Pooper Scooper removals as a business and they agreed to call round and give us a quote. However, when they arrived I think they were expecting to be scooping after a couple of poodles. When they found out we had nearly 300 bears they ran for the hills.

Back to square one.

I think it is also worth noting that some people did very kindly offer help with tasks like bear-sitting, photography and call centre work but there was only Sergei who offered to scoop the poop. Aleksandr used his veto on that one though because he wanted Sergei to undertake his own personal little tasks. Aleksandr was basically having none of it.

I run around looking after the bears and making sure their every little whim is catered for so don’t always have time to scoop. So we are appealing again for some help to keep Jammy Toast running smoothly and poop free. We have nearly three-hundred bears here at the Jammy Toast Centre and this leads to a great deal of poop piling high around the park. With this in mind we have purchased a state of the art Kawasaki Poopa-Scoopa Machine and we need an operator who can scoop up the entire poop mountain efficiently and quickly.

If you can think of anyone who could fit into this important job here at Jammy Toast – or you feel you could do it yourself – then please let us know. The rule for today is; if you visit the blog you have to recommend someone for the Poopa-Scoopa Operator’s job – someone who is best suited to meet the skills required or, more likely, come up with an excuse why you can’t do it.

Have fun people!

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About the Author

Lord Bearkeeper OBE DASc

A sad and lonely old man who used to have a life but it has now been taken over by his dedication to the cause of saving Renault Bears, running Jammy Toast and searching eBay, car boot sales, charity shops, lofts and even under beds for his beloved bears. He has even now taken in Flat Eric to save him from homelessness – his life is no longer his own!

44 Comments on “Employment Opportunities At Jammy Toast”

      1. Matt I really could tell you some things. Dad and Granny both have a real nasty habit! I am not going to say but they are just a pair of lazy gits with every excuse under the sun. I might be an odd kettle of fish but I do have standards. :roflao:

        1. Yes and I am sure JoeJoe could entertain people on here with some of your nasty exploits but I am definitely not mentioning that on a Family Orientated Website!! :worried:

  1. OMFGG I Puree Ustaa Doo Daa Jobb Wiff Linzii Whenn Yaa Onlii Hadd Abwtt 10 Bearrs && Daa Wozz Hardd Enuff .. Amm Nott Pikkinn Upp Aftaa 300 Bearss .. Fukk Mee Amm A Corresspondnnt Noww Yernoo :crazy: :gun:

  2. Watching “The Getaway”; Steve McQueen takes some poor bastard’s entire front porch off their house and says “oh shit,” I’m fucking dying! “Oh shit” entire front of house gone! “Oh shit”.

  3. Come gather ’round people
    Wherever you roam
    And admit that the waters
    Around you have grown
    And accept it that soon
    You’ll be drenched to the bone
    If your time to you is worth savin’
    Then you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone
    For the times they are a-changin’

  4. Good Morning, The. I hope you don’t mind me using your first name but I always like a little informality. Do you know I’ve just had some shredded wheat. Never had it before but now my brain has said that it’ll never tell me that I’m hungry ever again!

  5. The Chimpton – or just “The” to her friends (thanks for that one Paul!) – is a lazy tyke so I have always wondered why she took up cycling as a hobby…

  6. 4yo: Is the apocalypse ever gonna start?
    Me: No, sweetie.
    4yo: But people do die?
    Me: Yes, that’s true. People do die, but that’s not the apocalypse.
    4yo: It is to them.


    1. Can I just ask you a question… where have you come from? This weekend we seem to have had an influx of new followers (Toasters). So just wondering who you are?

      1. Sorry nothing mysterious. Your website was mentioned on Trusts Discussion Forum as a place to go to on the internet for a laugh. A couple of the other people who have left comments here I recognise from there too.

        Hope that answers your question.

        As for who I am…

        Some people call me the space cowboy.
        Some call me the gangster of love.”

  7. That moment when you suddenly start to feel like you’re walking on a bubble, you feel all the blood drain from your face and you know you’ve got 3 seconds to sit down before you stack it.

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