I’m Back From Turkey

Posted by Andreaa on
Category: Angry Andreaa Show32 Comments

Tags: , ,
Hiya Everyone && As Yas Can Probably Tell Am Back From Me Little Holiday To Turkeyy.. Don’t Ask Me If I Had A Good Time Or Owt Coz I Can’t Remember.. It Was Me Birthday While I Was Away So I Spent Most Of Me Hols Pissed.. Normally When I Go On Holiday I Drink Loads But Coz It Was Me Birthday I Was Even Worse Than Normal.. && Before Davidd Grasses On Me,, I Met This Lad Out There && I Ended Up Wiff A Big Spammy On Me Neck && He Even Give Me One On Me Face!! It Was That Bad It Ended Up All Bruised So Am Now Back Home Walkin Round Liverpool With A Big Bruise On Me Cheek.. I Wouldn’t Mind But The Lad Did It Right In Front Of Me Mum Who Thought It Was The Funniest Thing Ever!! She Was Pissing Herself Laughing At Him.. I Was Like Mum,, I’m Ya Little Princess Ya Meant To Protect Me From Lads..

We Go To Turkeyy Every Year && We Know Loads Of People Out There.. So When Me Birthday Arrived They Was All Well Up For It.. I Had About Six Lads Trying To Give Us A Lapdance && Spillin Drinks All Over Me.. Good Job I Was Covered In Everyones Drinks Coz They Then Brought This Massive Cake Out Wiff Like Hundreds Of Candles On It && I Almost Set The Place On Fire..

Davidd Said Ya Meant To Be Granny’s Age Before Ya Candles Set Da Gaff On Fire!!

Da Next Morning Me Mum Woke Me Up && Said Andreaa,, Wots That All Over Yaa Face?? I Was Like Oh It’s Just Makeup Thats Got Smeared All Over Me After Last Night.. Wrong!! It Was Sick,, But It Wasn’t Just Over Me Face It Was In Me Hair,, All Over The Bed and Even Up The Walls && On The Carpets.. God Knows What I Had Been Doing In The Night!!

Then I Felt Dead Rough While Me Mummy Was Cleaning The Room — She’s A Babe!!

After That I Fell Asleep Again && Our Alisha Brought Us Some Scran Up To Me Room && I Was Eating It. Only Thing Is I Don’t Remember Eating It.. So I Reckon I Was Actually “Sleep Eating” Coz It Got All Over Me Face && I Don’t Remember It Again!! Alisha Actually Videoed Me Eating Cozz She Said It Was That Funny..

So When I Eventually Got Up && Went Down Into The Lobby,, I Just Wanted To Sitt Under The Air-Conditioning && Everyone Who Walked Past Was Like “Are Yaa Alright,, Andreaa??” && I Was Like How The Fuck Did They All Know Me Name — So Am Guessin It Must Of Been A Good Night!!

Later On I Did Go Outside && Fell In Love With This Cat Who Was Like A Stray.. He Must Of Felt Sorry For Me && Come Over To Say Hello But He Was Sooooo Cute!! After That I Used To Take Food From The Restaurant Out For Him.. By The End Of The Holiday That Cat Pure Loved Me!!

The Next Day We Went Swimmin Wif Dolphins Which Was Amazin!! I Was A Bit Bothered In Case They Were Cruel To Them But They Weren’t Even In A Pool They Were In The Ocean In Like A Cove Which Was All Fenced In But It Was Massive So Da Dolphins Have Loads Of Room To Swimm In && Thaa.. I Think One Of The Dolphins Fancied Me Cos He Kept Splashing Me && Making These Like Mad Noises Out Of His Mouth && His Blow Hole.. He Was Even Splashing Me && Flirtin Wiff Me Like Lol..

Fantastic Day That Was!!

So We Then Had A Couple Of Days Where We Weren’t Really Doing Much && This Ladd Asked Me If I Wanted To Go For A Drive Up The Mountains Wif Him,, So I Was Like Yea Okay.. So We’re Up This Mountain && Looking At The View Which Was Amazing.. Next Thing We’re Having A Bit Of A Snogg && Then Like One Thing Led To Another && We Started Having Our Wicked Way.. Before Yas All Start Thinkin Im Like A Typcial Brit Slagg Abroad,, This Was The First Time I Ever Done It On Holiday!! && What Can I Say,, The Lad Was Cute!!

So We Had Just Finished The Deed && He Suddenly Started Shoutin “Andreaa Gett Dressed” && I Was Like “Ya Never Said That A Minute Ago” && He Was Like “No Get Dressed… QUICK!! Then I Saw Why He Was Panicking… There Was Only A Police Car Behind Us!! They Nearly Caught Us At It.. I Am Laughing Me Head Off But He’s Taking It All Serious Like.. I Didn’t Know Why!?!?

So The Other Night I Was Telling Me Story About Me Holiday To Davidd && He Was Like Fucking Hell Andreaa,, Isn’t Turkeyyy A Muslim Country?? && I Am Like Yea And?? So Davidd Explained That In Some Muslim Countries Yaa Can Get Locked Up For Years For Having Sex In Public!! He Even Said A Few Years Ago Some Scatty English Teacher Got Sent To Prison For Naming Her Teddy Bear Mohammed In A Muslin Country!!

It’s A Fucking Good Job I Never Took Razzi Wiff Me,, I’d Of Got Life!!

Cyas xx

Oh By Da Way.. Davidd Has Moved Me Funnies Thing To Saturday Because George Is Now Doing His Boring Footie Reports On Sunday Lunch — That Won’t Last Long As Soon As Everyone Sees How Shit Tranmere Are.. So Basically,, Me Sunday Funnies Are Now Saturday Funnies Which Will Be Posted On Saturday At 12 O’Clock.. Fucking Confusing.Com!!

Garfield StripGarfield is copyright © Paws, Inc. If you like the cartoons we reproduce here on Jammy Toast, please consider purchasing some of the Garfield merchandise. These are available through Garfield.com where you can view them in full-colour and at a higher quality!


About the Author

Andreaa

I Am Andreaa And I Am Havin' A Boss Time Here Writing On Da Blog && That 'Coz Davidd Is Proper Gettin' Too Old To Write && It's Doin' Me Wig In.. I Feel Proper Ashamed Da Fukin' State.. Davidd Told Me To Write Yas Little Stories About Me Life But I Said No, I Can't Write Stories But He Bullies Me Yerno.. Fuck Me I Never Even Passed Mee GCSE English So Me Stories Are Usually Shite!!


32 Comments on “I’m Back From Turkey”

  1. I swam with dolphins in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico about 10 years ago. It was so much fun! Unfortunately back then I only got to float on the surface with them. I am a certified diver now and I would love to swim with them in their natural habitat.

  2. Bugger . With holidays , dogs and Tranmere . I’ve forgotten to buy any new clothes or shoes this week . I’ve got absolutely nothing to wear on Saturday .

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *