Is Jammy Toast Fake?

Posted by Lord Davidd of Birko on
Category: Jammy Toast26 Comments

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Jammy Toast was reeling last night after allegations that some of our celebrity visitors are fake. Just because some of our readers are celebrity A-Listers does not mean we are making them up or fabricating comments in any way. In fact, we put these accusations to Razzi’s friend Mena Suvari and she said that there is nothing she enjoys more than reading Jammy Toast but she did go on to say, “I just wish Razzi was featured more than he is, because he is a very handsome bear.” Others have suggested that Elvis Presley could not possibly have left a comment because he is dead. Jammy Toast has confessed – following an investigation – it was not Elvis leaving the comments but it was his ghost.

Other celebrities are facing the same sort of accusations. When we told Sheriff Buford T Justice of the Montague County Sheriff’s Department in Texas that people were doubting his validity he replied: “What we’re dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law. What the hell is the world coming to? This kind of thing happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin’ around with those show folk fags.”

Even royalty is not exempt from the claims. HRH Prince Charles and his mother The Queen often leave their comments on our site which seems to ignite hatred amongst our detractors. Unfortunately, a spokesperson for Buckingham Palace stated that no one was available to comment on these allegations but The Queen did later text Razzi to say: “Like all the best families, we have our share of eccentricities, reading JT is just one of them.”

The Bard of Salford was also hurt by the accusations and commented: “As they used to say on Stingray: ‘Anything can happen in the next half-hour’. I’ve always tried to live with that thought in mind. I mean Jammy Toast is boring, mindless and mean. Full of pornography, the kind that’s clean.”

Speaking of pornography, other visitors – who asked to remain anonymous – stated that they only visited Jammy Toast for The Chimpton’s bum pictures.

Other visitors have had scorn poured on their authenticity including: Paddington Bear, Terry Tibbs, Sigmund Freud, Alexsandr Orlov and Sergei, Scarlett Moffatt, Rachel Riley, Susie Dent, Michael Bond, Max Headroom, Kevin Smith, Jason Mewes, Kerris Dorsey, Dave Allen, David Cameron, Cookie Monster, Clark Griswold, Garfield and Jim Royle and other members of the Royle family.

I think it is also worth mentioning that the first person to attack our sincerity was the Chimpton. She is also the one who questioned whether our friend Elvis Presley was still alive. Most of our readers believe every word we say because… well, would we lie to you?

It is such a shame my own daughter is the only true non-believer!

Garfield StripGarfield is copyright © Paws, Inc. If you like the cartoons we reproduce here on Jammy Toast, please consider purchasing some of the Garfield merchandise. These are available through where you can view them in full-colour and at a higher quality!

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Lord Davidd of Birko

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A sad and lonely old man who used to have a life but it has now been taken over by his dedication to the cause of saving Renault Bears. Running Jammy Toast and searching eBay, car boot sales, charity shops, lofts and even under beds for his beloved bears – his life is no longer his own. Awarded an OBE in the 2018 New Year Honours List and an Honorary Doctorate for services to bears.

26 Comments on “Is Jammy Toast Fake?”

  1. Schizophrenia. A serious mental illness
    In which someone (Namely my dad) cannot understand what is real and what is imaginary.
    I think this sums up my father well, especially as only little over a week ago he watched a tv programme confirming Elvis is most definately dead. Its okay dad mentalism is rife in our little family :roflao: We all still love you dad, Elvis,Jim whom ever you want to be today :blowing-kiss:

  2. You sum bitch. Ya know if that Chimpton is able to get up in the morning, tie her shoelaces and take a pee, I’m not proud. I’m amazed.

  3. My funny valentine,
    Sweet comic valentine,
    You make me smile with my heart.
    Your looks are laughable, they’re un-photographable,
    But still, still you’re my favorite work of art.

  4. Dear God

    I know you’ve already given me so much. But I ask one more thing: let me live to see the final season of Game Of Thrones in 2019.



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