Iwas sitting down watching the footie last Sunday afternoon with some of the bears when there came a knock on the Jammy Toast Centre front door. Razzi went to the door to see who it was and returned moments later to announce there was some posh, old bird at the door with a crown on her wig. We are going to have to stop him mixing with Andreaa. He showed her in and there stood The Queen and Prince Charles wanting to have a little chat with me. I was shocked. I had met The Queen once before when I went to Buckingham Palace to get my OBE but I hadn’t expected Her Majesty to allow me the honour of a home visit.
While Her Majesty sat there looking all regal, Prince Charles said there was a very important matter they wished to discuss and that was the reason for their visit. It appears that the Royal Family have been following our battle with the Renault Car Company for some time and wanted to add their support to what they considered a worthwhile act. Now we are leaving Europe, they felt it only right that we give the Frogs a good kicking over their treatment of Renault Bears. Not just to the Renault Car Company but to the whole of France for allowing them to persecute our tiny bear friends.
The Queen feels that if Dr Davidd says something against Renault or France it doesn’t carry the same weight as if Lord Davidd came down strongly on the bear’s side.
The Queen and Charles stayed for a while and we had a little chat and they had the chance to meet some of the bears. They even asked if they could sample some of our Jammy Toast so Granny shot off to make some for their delectation. Granny was on her best behaviour and even made them a jar or our best jam straight from the Knotty Ash jam mines, to take back for Phil to try.
The Royal duo explained that with a Life Peerage you need to be Lord of somewhere and so, because we are based in Birkenhead, I decided to become Lord Davidd of Birko and I can also keep the letters after my name.
So that’s Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc to all you commoners and make sure you bow down on your way out.
The Queen did ask that I keep this secret until the official announcement next month but someone sold the story to the Liverpool Echo on Tuesday (see picture, right) and so the secret is now out of the bag. We have no idea who sold them the story but Razzi has been seen wandering around the Jammy Toast Centre with a very large bag of Strawberry Sherbets, his favourite sweets – and we’re not talking about a small bag either, so I will leave you to draw your own conclusions.
As a Lord you do get the opportunity to take up a seat in the House of Lords but I have decided against this. If I am at home in the afternoon I often fall asleep and take a little nap but I am pretty sure I do not want this little habit televising.
…and ask Chimpton. I do have a slight tendency to snore, no matter where I am!