The story took place on Valentine’s Day around 2002 when Chimpton and I used to work together for just about the worst company in the history of companies. I know you will all find it hard to believe but I hadn’t got a single Valentine’s Card. I was in work in body but my mind was elsewhere. Wondering where all my Valentine’s had gone.
What could have caused this situation?
- Maybe the postman couldn’t carry them all?
- Maybe the number of cards I had on the way had caused a massive road block?
- Maybe they had the wrong address?
Whatever the reason I was cardless.
Here we were on 14th February, the traditional day on which people let each other know about their love by sending anonymous cards and I haven’t got a single card. Maybe, just maybe, all my Valentines this year had decided not to send a card but to place an advert in the local paper declaring their undying love.
Yes, that would have been it!
So, I dive out of the office and head to the newsagents to purchase the local paper and quickly return and open it to the Valentine’s Day Messages page.
Although it was difficult to come to terms with, it looked like I was unloved. No one had got me a card or had sent me a Valentine that year!
How upsetting a day it was proving to be.
All of a sudden one of our clients came rushing into the room. “Hey, Davidd. There is only a Royal carriage outside what the hell would that be parked anywhere near this shit heap for?”
At that very moment the question was answered as Queen Ananasty strolled into the room and said to me; “Davidd will you be my Valentine?” and gave me a big card.
Of course I replied; “YES!”
So, that year I only got one Valentine but it was a very special Royal Valentine and I guess that it meant just one thing; I was loved after all.
UPDATE: Ananasty doesn’t come and visit us anymore because she is too grown up for Jammy Toast and probably doesn’t want any of her friends to know she would have anything to do with Teddy Bears. However, she is still, some sixteen years later, the last person to ever give me a Valentine Card!