We searched everywhere online and experimented with some of the recipes we found but, although some were quite nice, it just wasn’t the same as the original recipe. So just before Christmas we found a recipe that looked nice and decided to try it. Granny got the ingredients for the meal but she already had some things in the cupboards. She cooked it, we ate it and… it wasn’t quite the same as the original again, though it was quite acceptable and I did enjoy it.
The next day I was chatting with Granny and she asked me if I had my glasses with me. They were in my pocket so I produced them and she disappeared into the kitchen. She returned a short while later carrying a large container of flour and asked me to look in the box. It was quite a large box of flour, rather than a smaller packet because Granny does like to bulk buy. I looked in the box and saw some flour.
“Erm… it’s flour, Granny. What am I supposed to see in a box of flour?” I asked.
“Look closer,” Granny replied.
Then I thought my eyes were deceiving me. The flour started to move. Little particles of flour were walking around the bottom of the box. It turns out that Granny had had the box of flour for that long that Flour Weevils had infested it and I had eaten that flour in the lasagne the night before.
Granny looked at me and said, “I’d forgotten how long I had that flour. It was three months out of date but there is some of the Lasagne left over in the fridge, if you fancy eating it sometime.”
“I think I will give that a miss, but thanks for the offer,” I replied.
I have since found the original recipe that we used to love, but I’m not sure if I have gone off the idea now. I was not in the best moods following that little revelation and kept imagining the little weevils walking around inside me.
I did live and life goes on, I suppose.
A few days later I went through to the kitchen and Granny screamed; “Stay were you are, I have dropped a contact lens. Don’t come trudging through here until I have found it.”
I had a look but couldn’t see it. However, Rico Dog had been wandering around so perhaps he had put it in his eye. Heaven help the local cats if his eye-sight improves, he’s sharp enough spotting them as it is.
A little while later Granny had been out and was returning home after her weekly visit to Fat Club Slimming World. I asked her if she had found her missing contact lens and she looked at me with that face she pulls when she has pulled off one of her Grannyisms.
“Okay, what have you done?” I asked.
Turns out she had not dropped her contact lens at all, she had put it in and forgotten she had done so. So Granny, put another lens in her eye and had been wandering around all morning with TWO contact lenses in the same eye.
I bet she could have seen a flour weevil on a shithouse wall with that eyesight!
Another night she decided to cook some gammon for her and Auntie Pauline. While everything was under the grill cooking away she forgot she had put the gammon on – despite the heat from the grill and the smell of cooking meat – and decided to cook some fish-fingers for Auntie Pauline. How can anyone “forget” that they are cooking gammon when they are in the kitchen where it is cooking?
Now when Granny is in a hurry she can get a little short tempered. She was trying to get out of the house for a doctor’s appointment while Auntie Pauline was also trying to get out of the house. Granny was standing around, pacing, waiting for Pauline to appear before going out.
Eventually, Pauline appeared and Granny snapped at her telling her she was going to be late going to wherever she was supposed to be. Pauline told Granny she wasn’t going that day, the appointment had been moved to another day.
“Why didn’t you tell me,” Granny snapped, “I have been standing around waiting?”
Pauline replied, “I am sorry, I forgot all about it.”
Granny looked straight at Pauline and screamed, “I hate it when you forget things!”
Discretion is the better part of valour, so they say, so I decided to say nothing!