Enter Granny some time later, who notices the empty bottle and asks do I need more of the Ribena. I replied that I do but that there is no hurry because I have just made up the two gym bottles in the fridge. Just the next time she is near Home Bargains – it is cheaper there – if she gets some that would be great.
The next day Granny goes out shopping and returns with some items she has bought from Home Bargains. I asked if she had remembered to get the Ribena light and she replied rather angrily that she did wish I would tell her when I get low on things so that she can put them on her shopping list. I reminded her that she had emptied the old bottle from the bin the day before and we had a whole conversation about next time she was near Home Bargains…
“No we never”, came Granny’s stock reply.
When the unhappy day arrives that Granny leaves this mortal coil I am getting her usual, negative response put on her gravestone. “Here lies Granny who died recently”, followed by her reply “No I never!”
So I reminded Granny to get the Ribena the next time she was near the shop but that there was no hurry, I wasn’t desperate for it.
Later on that day I was sitting on the couch, on the phone, when I heard the front door close and footsteps approaching from down the hallway. Suddenly the door bursts open and in marches Granny. “You lazy, bastard,” she screams when she sees me sitting on the couch. “I have just been all the way to Home Bargains for your bloody Ribena. I would have hated you to get off your arse and get it yourself!”
She then stomps over towards me and shouts down the phone, “Chimpton, do you know what…”
I interrupted her, “It is not Chimpton I am talking to so can you come back in two minutes and continue your balling and screaming when I have finished on the phone. Furthermore, I did tell you there was no hurry for the Ribena, you didn’t have to make a special journey for it.”
“Oh no you didn’t,” she replied!
I rest my case.