Our Granny #23

Posted by The Bearkeeper on
Category: Grannyisms18 Comments

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Granny gets some strange things into that head of hers. The ideas have nothing to do with reality she just makes something up and then runs with them. Recently I have stopped drinking Pepsi because it is not good for you and as you all know, I would only ever eat or drink wholesome, healthy fare! Instead I have been drinking Ribena Light with no added sugar and full of Vitamin C – the healthy kick for which I crave. I make it up into two large gym bottles and place them in the fridge so it is nice and cool. The two gym bottles last me about a week but as I made them up it was the last of the bottle of concentrate so I placed the empty bottle into the bin.

Enter Granny some time later, who notices the empty bottle and asks do I need more of the Ribena. I replied that I do but that there is no hurry because I have just made up the two gym bottles in the fridge. Just the next time she is near Home Bargains – it is cheaper there – if she gets some that would be great.

The next day Granny goes out shopping and returns with some items she has bought from Home Bargains. I asked if she had remembered to get the Ribena light and she replied rather angrily that she did wish I would tell her when I get low on things so that she can put them on her shopping list. I reminded her that she had emptied the old bottle from the bin the day before and we had a whole conversation about next time she was near Home Bargains…

“No we never”, came Granny’s stock reply.

When the unhappy day arrives that Granny leaves this mortal coil I am getting her usual, negative response put on her gravestone. “Here lies Granny who died recently”, followed by her reply “No I never!”

So I reminded Granny to get the Ribena the next time she was near the shop but that there was no hurry, I wasn’t desperate for it.

Later on that day I was sitting on the couch, on the phone, when I heard the front door close and footsteps approaching from down the hallway. Suddenly the door bursts open and in marches Granny. “You lazy, bastard,” she screams when she sees me sitting on the couch. “I have just been all the way to Home Bargains for your bloody Ribena. I would have hated you to get off your arse and get it yourself!”

She then stomps over towards me and shouts down the phone, “Chimpton, do you know what…”

I interrupted her, “It is not Chimpton I am talking to so can you come back in two minutes and continue your balling and screaming when I have finished on the phone. Furthermore, I did tell you there was no hurry for the Ribena, you didn’t have to make a special journey for it.”

“Oh no you didn’t,” she replied!

I rest my case.

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About the Author

The Bearkeeper

A sad and lonely old man who used to have a life but it has now been taken over by his dedication to the cause of saving Renault Bears, running Jammy Toast and searching eBay, car boot sales, charity shops, lofts and even under beds for his beloved bears. He has even now taken in Flat Eric to save him from homelessness – his life is no longer his own!


18 Comments on “Our Granny #23”

  1. I blame cocaine for this new three week Bonfire Night . Kids have too much disposable income these days . We couldn’t afford a box of Standard , now the Yoof can afford Stone Island shorts , a trials bike and enough fireworks for Operation Awe 2 .

  2. I woke up to find all the lights on & cereal on the kitchen floor. There’s no way the 18yo got up this early. His kidnappers must’ve had breakfast before they left.

  3. Me: How about this old shirt instead? or my cologne?
    Wife: I just want something of yours to take on my trip!
    Me: Yeah but does it have too be my heart medication?

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