I drove the pair of them to Tesco and left them at the entrance – well I am not brave enough to get involved with anything Granny is involved with, especially not in public. Razzi walked Granny into the store and immediately suggested that they get a mobility scooter for Granny to ride around the store instead of having to walk. Granny wouldn’t hear of it; “I am not getting into one of those,” she snapped stubbornly.
Granny continued into the store with Razzi in hot pursuit pushing the shopping trolley – which is no mean feat for a Renault Bear. Then Granny bumped into another old wrinkly and started a conversation. Thirty minutes later Razzi was an expert on Emmerdale, Coronation Street and the merits of Tesco Express stores compared to the main Tesco stores and the price difference between the two stores. A few times the other wrinkly tried to make an escape but Granny was having none of it and continued the conversation further. When the woman eventually made her excuses and ran screaming for the exit, Granny turned round to Razzi and said; “Bloody hell, she could talk couldn’t she? I couldn’t get away!”
Razzi just smiled sweetly – he is, after all, a very polite bear.
They continued shopping with Granny constantly moaning about the pain in her leg. Razzi kept reminding her that they had mobility scooters but again Granny would not hear of it. Razzi told me later that he was sure she just didn’t want to look like an extra from Phoenix Nights!
It was then that they hit the biscuit aisle where Granny bumped into one of the Tesco staff who does the home deliveries. “Hello Joy, how’s the leg since your operation two years ago?” Razzi was astounded, not only did half of Tesco know who Granny was but they also knew the date she was having her operation and just about everything about Granny. Razzi and I are always saying that Granny is the biggest gossip there has ever been, an accusation she fervently denies, and here was the living proof if any was needed.
Razzi stood there for another twenty minutes while Granny and Tesco lady deliberated every subject in the known universe. Again Granny was leading the conversation and stopping Tesco lady from doing the shopping for some poor unsuspecting individual who had ordered their Christmas shopping online but was unaware she was now going to receive it three days after Christmas! Eventually the Tesco lady managed to drag herself away from Granny only for Granny to turn round and say to Razzi; “I was hoping we wouldn’t meet her, she always keeps you talking! These people need to realise, we haven’t got all day!”
Next Granny told Razzi she had forgotten to get some potatoes and they were the other side of the shop. Razzi offered to go and get them but Granny wanted to pick them herself, again complaining about her knee. Razzi offered to go and get her a wheelchair if she didn’t want to be seen in a mobility scooter. Granny replied; “No, someone always has to push those things, they are useless!” Razzi replied; “No shit, Sherlock. I always thought they went on their own.”
Another twenty minutes was lost at the checkout as Granny insisted on chatting away to the checkout operator. Telling the poor woman that she was looking after her little bear friend. Razzi thought she was a little condescending but decided not to delay matters further by explaining to the woman that he was there to keep an eye on Granny and not the other way round.
As they headed for the exit, passed where they keep the mobility scooters, Granny shouted to Razzi; “Razzi, look! They have these scooters here. If only we had known they were here, I could have used one of those!”
Razzi just walked off to the car.
Even he has a limit to his patience!
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