A Travesty Of Justice

Posted by Davidd on
Category: General21 Comments

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St Catherine’s Hospital prior to its demolition in 2010.

Today I would like to report a possible conspiracy which has haunted me for 57 years. As you will all have read, yesterday was my birthday. I was born in St Catherine’s Hospital[*] where the most hideous of mix-ups occurred that has affected my whole life. You see my Mummy – who we call Granny here on Jammy Toast because she is The Chimpton’s Granny – is thick, as you all know from some of the stories we have published over the years. I also have two sisters who are exactly the same; both as thick as Granny and who prattle-on on just about any subject you care to mention. On the other hand, I am a relatively intelligent person who – as the Chimpton will confirm – is quiet, noble and withdrawn. In fact, the complete opposite of Granny, Diane and Pauline. What I have always maintained is that all those years ago there was a mix-up at the hospital and a rather intelligent, good-looking family took Granny’s real son home and I was left to endure the family from hell.

Happy Birthday To Me, And Many More!

Posted by Davidd on
Category: Friends & Relatives34 Comments

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Today is my birthday and I am beginning to get on a bit. So-much-so that The Chimpton takes great delight in calling me an old dodderer. But during our more serious conversations she has stated that she worries about me because of my weight. She doesn’t want me to kick the bucket in case she ends up being deported back to Vietnam – for those of you who do not know, she was a Vietnamese Boat Child. Most people can tell by her slanty eyes, but The Chimpton fled Vietnam as a very young child to escape the Vietnam War and was held in a refugee camp until I adopted her and brought her home – a story for another day. So if I die, there is a chance she might be sent back. However, today I have some great news for her – and me – it turns out, some extra pounds later in life can actually be protective. It’s something scientists have deemed the “obesity paradox”: being overweight correlates with a lower risk of death for older individuals than their skinny counterparts.

Dissociative Identity Disorder

Posted by Davidd on
Category: Jammy Toast28 Comments

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You may have noticed from time to time that some very famous people visit Jammy Toast and leave comments on our posts. These celebrities are many and varied including, amongst others, God, Pink Floyd’s David Gilmour, Garfield the Cat, Stars of Monsters Inc. Sully & Mike Wazowski, The Cookie Monster, Meerkats Alexsandr Orlov & Sergei, Film Star Ted, Catfish stars Nev and Max, Authors Dr Seuss & Michael Bond, Santa Claus, Queen Elizabeth II, HRH Prince Charles, Members of the Royle Family, Rico & Larry the Cat, Bob Dylan, Jay & Silent Bob, Terry Tibbs, The Ghost of Elvis, Hawkwind’s Dave Brook, Sheriff Buford T Justice, Paisley from Tattoo Fixers, Former Prime Minister David Cameron, Comedienne Aisling Bea, Star of Ray Donovan Kerris Dorsey, Sigmund Freud, Alf Garnett, Cher Lloyd, Paddington Bear, Steven Seagull and Jon Pigeon. You may have wondered if these people were actually visiting Jammy Toast or was someone just making the whole thing up.

Eric Meets… Davidd

Posted by Flat Eric on
Category: Flat Eric22 Comments

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Today I thought I would interview Davidd and ask him some of the questions many of the bears would love an answer to. Davidd started blogging way back in 2006 and during that time has been involved in some great stunts and so we thought who better to interview than the great man himself. We thought we would ask him some questions based on Jammy Toast but also on the universe as a whole. After all, to us bears, Davidd is the oracle of all wisdom – even Chimpton calls him The Wise Old Owl…

The Mystery Of The Missing Sock

Posted by Ananasty on
Category: Archive Post13 Comments

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Hello People, Queen Ananasty here. Today I am going to tell you the story of when we went to the cinema and coursed mayhem. So, me, Princess Chimpton and Servant Dave went to watch the Disney film Heffalump – yes Servant Dave is a big child who loves Disney Films. So the film begins and as usual, me and Dave start messing around making each other laugh, doing daft things to each other. Daft things such as I took a sweet and ate it only I didn’t like it and as I know Dave is a dust bin I offered him my sweet and he ate it, but erm… I forgot to tell him I had chewed it first hahah!

Happy Birthday, Davidd

Posted by Edward Bear on
Category: Jammy Toast23 Comments

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Today is Bearkeeper Davidd’s birthday, so all The Bears would like to wish him a Very Happy Birthday. We asked him what he wanted for his Birthday and because we all love him so much we asked what he would like us to buy as a present for today. He said to prove how much we all think of him we had to get him something that would do 0 – 200 in less than four seconds… so we got him a set of bathroom scales. He mentioned that he hoped he wouldn’t get heartburn this year after eating birthday cake so we told him it would help if this year he would blow the candles out first!