The Angry Andreaa Show #11

Posted by Andreaa on
Category: Angry Andreaa Show40 Comments

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IFirstt Mett Davidd Whnn Hmm && Ananastyy Ustaa Havv A Blogg && Mee && Lorahh Ustaa Terrorr Thmm .. Wee Starttd Off Beinn Puree Nastyy Butt Davidd Jstt Ustaa Laff Att Uss && Takk The Mikk ,, Hee Wozz Jstt Puree Funnyy .. Thnn Wee Startdd Chattinn Onn MSNN Ndd Becumm Matess .. Whnevaa Aa Wozz Depressdd Aa Wudd Cumm && Talkk Too Davidd && Razzii && Wee Wudd Havv A Proppa Laff .. Thnn Aa Gott A Boyfrindd Calld Liamm Whoo Wozz A Rytt Knobb .. Hee Toldd Mee Too Deletee All Ladds Onn Mee Faceyy Ndd Stopp Talkkin 2 Emm Soo Aa Stoppedd Talkkinn Too Davidd Ass Well .. Aa hadd Knwnn Davidd Forr Yearss && Hee Hadd Alwayyss Binn Deadd Kindd Nnd Helpdd Mee Wiff Alsortts .. Hee Willl Doo Anyfingg 4 Yaa Btt II Jstt Ghosttd Hmm Lykk A Prikk !!

Davidd Honoured By Liverpool University

Posted by The Bears on
Category: Jammy Toast24 Comments

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Davidd doing his best Professor pose!

Our very own Davidd has been awarded an honorary doctorate by Liverpool University. Davidd Bearkeeper OBE is to be honoured for his rescue work with Renault Bears. The Bearkeeper said after yesterday’s announcement, “What a thrill, whoever would have thought it.” Davidd is to be presented with the Honorary Doctor of Animal Science (DASc) in “acknowledgement of his work in rescuing and rehabilitating bears and for educating people on bear matters.” Davidd had a question following the announcement: “Now I’m a doctor, can I write my own prescriptions?”

Lestly In The Hizzouse #4

Posted by Lester B. on
Category: Lester's Column41 Comments

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Hello again Jammy Toasters. The more observant amongst you might just notice that this post is entitled “Lestly In The Hizzouse #4” whilst the last one was “Lestly In The Hizzouse #2”. Before you ask, yes I can count, but unfortunately “Lestly In The Hizzouse #3” was not up to standard and Mr Bearkeeper refused to post it – no doubt in consultation with Chimpton. I wouldn’t mind but I wasn’t even being “horrit” towards her, either. So, in revenge, I thought I would come and tell all you Toasters just how embarrassing Mr Bearkeeper can be. These are true stories told to me by Chimpton, so hopefully we will get her into trouble. Let me know if you like these tomes because I do have many, many more.

Jammy Toast Makes Front Page News

Posted by The Bears on
Category: Jammy Toast25 Comments

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Some of you may have noticed from yesterday’s post that Davidd was awarded an OBE *cough* in the New Year’s Honours list. Well, we are not normally readers of the Daily Star but this morning when we went for our regular newspaper we couldn’t believe our eyes. There gazing back at us from the Star’s front page was our very own Davidd Bearkeeper OBE. He has only gone and made front page news – and not for the reasons we would have originally thought. We were astonished. So-much-so that we thought we would reproduce it for you here…

Davidd Gets OBE For Services To Bears

Posted by The Bears on
Category: Jammy Toast29 Comments

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Our very own Davidd Bearkeeper has been awarded an OBE in the Queen’s New Year’s Honours List. He has been recognised for his services to animals – namely bears. The Birkenvegas born keeper has been helping preserve Renault Bears since he was given Eddie Bear to take on holiday to Egypt in 2006. He later entrusted Eddie to his daughter, Chimpton, who looks after the little bear to this day. Davidd has since gone on to rescue nearly three hundred Renault Bears and has founded the Jammy Toast Retirement Home for elderly and unwanted bears.

A Travesty Of Justice

Posted by The Bearkeeper on
Category: General21 Comments

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St Catherine’s Hospital prior to its demolition in 2010.

Today I would like to report a possible conspiracy which has haunted me for 57 years. As you will all have read, yesterday was my birthday. I was born in St Catherine’s Hospital[*] where the most hideous of mix-ups occurred that has affected my whole life. You see my Mummy – who we call Granny here on Jammy Toast because she is The Chimpton’s Granny – is thick, as you all know from some of the stories we have published over the years. I also have two sisters who are exactly the same; both as thick as Granny and who prattle-on on just about any subject you care to mention. On the other hand, I am a relatively intelligent person who – as the Chimpton will confirm – is quiet, noble and withdrawn. In fact, the complete opposite of Granny, Diane and Pauline. What I have always maintained is that all those years ago there was a mix-up at the hospital and a rather intelligent, good-looking family took Granny’s real son home and I was left to endure the family from hell.

Happy Birthday To Me, And Many More!

Posted by The Bearkeeper on
Category: Friends & Relatives34 Comments

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Today is my birthday and I am beginning to get on a bit. So-much-so that The Chimpton takes great delight in calling me an old dodderer. But during our more serious conversations she has stated that she worries about me because of my weight. She doesn’t want me to kick the bucket in case she ends up being deported back to Vietnam – for those of you who do not know, she was a Vietnamese Boat Child. Most people can tell by her slanty eyes, but The Chimpton fled Vietnam as a very young child to escape the Vietnam War and was held in a refugee camp until I adopted her and brought her home – a story for another day. So if I die, there is a chance she might be sent back. However, today I have some great news for her – and me – it turns out, some extra pounds later in life can actually be protective. It’s something scientists have deemed the “obesity paradox”: being overweight correlates with a lower risk of death for older individuals than their skinny counterparts.

Dissociative Identity Disorder

Posted by The Bearkeeper on
Category: Jammy Toast28 Comments

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You may have noticed from time to time that some very famous people visit Jammy Toast and leave comments on our posts. These celebrities are many and varied including, amongst others, God, Pink Floyd’s David Gilmour, Garfield the Cat, Stars of Monsters Inc. Sully & Mike Wazowski, The Cookie Monster, Meerkats Alexsandr Orlov & Sergei, Film Star Ted, Catfish stars Nev and Max, Authors Dr Seuss & Michael Bond, Santa Claus, Queen Elizabeth II, HRH Prince Charles, Members of the Royle Family, Rico & Larry the Cat, Bob Dylan, Jay & Silent Bob, Terry Tibbs, The Ghost of Elvis, Hawkwind’s Dave Brook, Sheriff Buford T Justice, Paisley from Tattoo Fixers, Former Prime Minister David Cameron, Comedienne Aisling Bea, Star of Ray Donovan Kerris Dorsey, Sigmund Freud, Alf Garnett, Cher Lloyd, Paddington Bear, Steven Seagull and Jon Pigeon. You may have wondered if these people were actually visiting Jammy Toast or was someone just making the whole thing up.

Eric Meets… Davidd

Posted by Flat Eric on
Category: Flat Eric22 Comments

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Today I thought I would interview Davidd and ask him some of the questions many of the bears would love an answer to. Davidd started blogging way back in 2006 and during that time has been involved in some great stunts and so we thought who better to interview than the great man himself. We thought we would ask him some questions based on Jammy Toast but also on the universe as a whole. After all, to us bears, Davidd is the oracle of all wisdom – even Chimpton calls him The Wise Old Owl…

The Mystery Of The Missing Sock – Revisited

Posted by Ananasty on
Category: Classic Toast13 Comments

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Hello People, Queen Ananasty here. Today I am going to tell you the story of when we went to the cinema and coursed mayhem. So, me, Princess Chimpton and Servant Dave went to watch the Disney film Heffalump – yes Servant Dave is a big child who loves Disney Films. So the film begins and as usual, me and Dave start messing around making each other laugh, doing daft things to each other. Daft things such as I took a sweet and ate it only I didn’t like it and as I know Dave is a dust bin I offered him my sweet and he ate it, but erm… I forgot to tell him I had chewed it first hahah!