The Origin Of The Chimpton

Posted by Great Uncle Bimbo on
Category: Friends & Relatives26 Comments

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The Chimpton, pictured centre her clothes burnt off by napalm, tries to escape the war.

In a couple of posts recently we have suggested that The Chimpton is Vietnamese. She has strong Asian features and one of Jammy Toast’s readers has even mistaken her for an Asian Ladyboy. So, bearing this in mind, we decided it was time to reveal the truth concerning the origin of The Chimpton. Where she came from, how she ended up here at Jammy Toast and why the British Government have not sent her home, yet. Today we will reveal the truth

The Chimpton Needs Some Funky Cold Medina

Posted by Davidd on
Category: Music31 Comments

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The Chimpton and I have been searching high and low recently to try and find an eligible Prince, so we can get her married off. Unfortunately we are having no luck. To be fair, this is not because The Chimpton is an ugg, but more because all she ever sees in a potential suitor are his flaws. Someone pops his head up and all she sees is the mole on his nose, or he has small ears, or a balding head. She never looks at the positive side where someone is making her laugh and she enjoys their company – no she just sees the negative. So I have decided to turn to my old friend Tone Loc and see if we can borrow some of his Funky Cold Medina. Over to you, Loc…

The Chimpton’s Fat Bum

Posted by Davidd on
Category: Friends & Relatives18 Comments

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Alittle while ago, Razzi told us the story of Alanah, a girl who suffers from Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) – a condition that causes people to become obsessed with perceived defects in their appearance. In our eyes, Alanah is a rather pretty young lady. However, when Alanah looks in a mirror all she sees are her perceived defects. Alanah thinks her eyes are crossed, her hands and arms are big and chunky, her nose is crooked and out of proportion with the rest of her face. Here at Jammy Toast we have someone with a similar disorder – The Chimpton thinks she has a fat arse!

Jammy Toast To The Rescue

Posted by Davidd on
Category: Friends & Relatives10 Comments

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Amajor international summit on missing people is hoping to tackle exploitation and trafficking. In the UK, a disproportionate number of missing people are of Vietnamese origin – but no one knows why. Each photograph on the Missing Kids UK Website suggests a horrible, haunting tale but the high number of teenagers from east or south-eastern Asian descent is alarming. Of 113 children and young people on the list – which doesn’t include short term cases, or those excluded for reasons of safety – almost a fifth are Vietnamese, despite them making up less than 0.1% of the British population.

Zed Is Very Much Alive

Posted by Davidd on
Category: Our Bears19 Comments

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Zed in his brown paper bag.

We got an emergency phone call yesterday from The Chimpton to inform us there was a Renault Bear left abandoned in an antique shop in Birkenhead. Despite the fact I was dying with flu this was something we had to jump out of our sick beds for, so Razzi and I headed for the car. The Chimpton told us the shop was selling the bear for £10 but were not budging on the price. However, Razzi and I had a plan of action; I would go in first and explain to the shopkeeper that dealing in endangered species was against the law and if that didn’t work then we would send Razzi in to “have a word“.

Eddie Visits Cuba

Posted by Eddie Bear on
Category: Holidays11 Comments

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Eddie samples some of the local "produce"”!

Hello everybody, I don’t often get the chance to write for Jammy Toast because I don’t live there I live with The Chimpton who is rather forgetful. The Bearkeeper asks her to remind me to write something for Jammy Toast but she forgets. So I only write here very infrequently, in fact, there is a chance you may not know who I am so I think it is only fair that I introduce myself. My name is Eddie and I was the very first Renault Bear to be saved. When I say “saved” I actually mean stolen because I used to live with a guy called Tony who let me go on holiday with Mr Bearkeeper and The Chimpton. I became quite attached to The Chimpton and when we returned to England it appears the feeling was mutual because she then refused to return me and has held me captive at Chimpton Towers ever since. Luckily, Tony has long forgiven The Chimpton for this theft of myself and even admits that I am better off being looked after by a Chimpton than by Tony who can sometimes be a little… naughty!

The Story Of The FOY

Posted by Davidd on
Category: Friends & Relatives9 Comments

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You may have noticed that The Chimpton hasn’t been seen around Jammy Toast for a while. This is mostly because she has been thinking of starting her own website on the subject of beauty and products, etc. When I say “thinking” about it that is exactly what I mean; she hasn’t got past this stage yet. For the last three months she has been trying to think of a name for her project and that is about as far as it has got. When all is said and done, The Chimpton doesn’t believe in hurrying decisions.