The Impartial Story

Posted by Lord Bearkeeper OBE DASc on
Category: Friends & Relatives38 Comments

Tags: , ,
A picture of Lestly – note the hair protruding above his shirt.

LLast week we had a thinly-veiled story from Lestly – dressed up as a Fairytale – and let’s be honest, it was quite amusing. In some areas it was even truthful. So we have heard from Lestly with his side of the story and we have also heard Chimpton and her denials. Lestly’s story was disguised as a Fairytale featuring Leonardo and Fiona – not to mention King Ramalamadingdong – whereas Chimpton was a little more direct – isn’t she always? If you missed the original story, it might make things clearer if you go and read that first here, before continuing with this story.

So now we are all up to date, perhaps it is time for an impartial version of the story coming from yours truly? Before anyone accuses me of not being impartial because I am Chimpton’s Dad, perhaps you should ask her. I hardly ever take her side in any disagreement and I always try and offer her the other side of any argument, sometimes to her annoyance.

Now it all started around fifteen years ago. That long ago that I cannot remember all the facts or the order of chronology. Save to say that Chimpton started chatting with a guy from America by the name of Lester. He is Jewish and so I always called him Leonard after one of my heroes; Leonard Cohen. Chimpton calls him Lestly, for reasons I shall never fathom. He has now started calling himself Leonardo for the purpose of his Fairytale, but they are all the same person. Lester, Lestly, Leonard, Leonardo are all the same person just in case anyone is having trouble keeping up with the story. Oh, by the way, he is also called LB by his workmates because they are his initials but let’s not confuse it even more.

Do you ever get that feeling in your stomach where you begin to regret ever starting something? This is one of those moments – I have even confused myself here. Anyway, back to the story…

At the time, Chimpton was in a relationship with a guy who Lestly refers to as Lumberjack. This is because he works as a tree surgeon and landscape gardener. However, Chimpton and Lestly started spending more and more time chatting and Chimpton began to neglect her relationship with Lumberjack. Her days were spent working, coming home from work and having a meal with her friend Damien, who lived in the same complex as her, having a few bongs and then going home and chatting to Lestly for hours on MSN about rubber tree plants and the such.

The two of them used to swear undying love for one another and Lestly used to make offers to come over to England. This never came about and so Chimpton said she would travel over to New York with her friend Damien for a little holiday and all three of them could meet up. Chimpton purchased the tickets, booked a hotel and… Lestly went missing and wouldn’t answer his phone.

Bear in mind, this was fifteen years ago, before we had heard of the phrase; “Catfishing”.

On another occasion Chimpton made plans with Ananasty to go over to Florida for a Disneyland holiday and meet up with Lestly while they were there. She booked the flights while Lestly was meant to be booking the hotel at Disneyland. You’re never going to believe this but when the time came there was no sight nor sound of Lestly or any hotel booking.

He had done it again.

Lestly made up all kinds of excuses many of which I cannot remember but the phrase “hogwash” does spring to mind. Chimpton was finally coming to the realisation that this guy was just spinning her a line and had no intentions of ever meeting.

Then came the occasion of Lestly’s Fairytale when he says he came over and waited for Chimpton. It all sounds very romantic and the idea of him springing out of the bushes to surprise Chimpton with flowers and chocolates sounds very convincing… but again I think it is hogwash. Chimpton lives in a very quiet, secluded road, off the beaten track and her complex has a courtyard which you have to be buzzed in by a resident to gain entry. So if there was a taxi sitting outside when she came out – like he says – then she would have seen it.

However, let’s look at the night before from Chimpton’s point of view. She goes to a party with her friend Damien and there is Lumberjack. He is a little crestfallen because by then Chimpton had not really had anything to do with him for around two years – mostly because she was infatuated with Lestly. Lumberjack turns on the charm and Chimpton is left thinking; “Do I carry on waiting for Lestly who has lead me a merry dance for two years or do I settle for my Lumberjack?”

The bird in the hand or the bird in the bush?

I think it is at this point that Chimpton finally came to her senses and realised she had been a little naïve concerning Lestly’s advances. She made up with Lumberjack and Lestly was put on the backburner, as a consequence of his own actions.

That was more or less the end of the story but something had been playing on my mind since Chimpton planted the seeds there a couple of weeks ago. As most people who meet romantically online do, Chimpton and Lestly sent each other some rather naughty pictures in the early days of their friendship. However, Lestly is a rather hairy chap – you can even see his chest-hair sticking out above any open-neck shirt he wears – look at the picture above – and yet these picture showed a man with a completely hairless chest. Lestly claimed he shaved his chest for the pictures but these were quick “dick pics” not a David Bailey photoshoot.

It just didn’t make sense.

So I did a little investigating – Max & Nev would have been proud of me – and discovered we really do have a little Catfish amongst us. If you look at the picture above, you will see a photograph that we “believe” to be Lestly. Now, look at the photograph below. It shows one of Lestly’s original “dick pics” which he sent Chimpton all those years ago. Note that the body shape and lack of chest hair looks nothing like the picture above. The final evidence will be revealed if you click the right arrow to reveal the picture on the right…

  • Lesty's Dick Pic
  • The Original Pic
  • Side by Side

This is the original which Lestly obviously found online, decapitated it, removed the cross from around the guy’s neck because that wouldn’t fit in with him being Jewish and sent to Chimpton!

Case proven I think!

Finally, let me finish with two little points. Lestly is going to say that I have Photoshopped this evidence and it is fake. If that is the case, and you need more proof, then go and visit this page which is where I found the photograph online – no piece of Photoshop magic here. The other point is, Lestly has always maintained that he has no gay tendencies despite what others have said and yet the original picture I found was from a gay website.

What was he doing there to find the picture in the first place, if he is not into dudes?

Let’s see you get out of this one Lestly!

Garfield StripGarfield is copyright © Paws, Inc. If you like the cartoons we reproduce here on Jammy Toast, please consider purchasing some of the Garfield merchandise. These are available through where you can view them in full-colour and at a higher quality!

About the Author

Lord Bearkeeper OBE DASc

A sad and lonely old man who used to have a life but it has now been taken over by his dedication to the cause of saving Renault Bears, running Jammy Toast and searching eBay, car boot sales, charity shops, lofts and even under beds for his beloved bears. He has even now taken in Flat Eric to save him from homelessness – his life is no longer his own!

38 Comments on “The Impartial Story”

  1. Yes, much to my annoyance my father nearly always takes Lestly’s side when I needed advice about him.

    I guess I’m just a silly girl at the end of the day. I am shocked over the pictures as only a few months ago I asked him where his pictures real. He point blank said YES. Stupid Chimpton.

  2. Omgg R U Beinn Seriouss ?? Hee Needss 2 Fukk Rytt Off Lykk NOWW !! Hee Needds Hss Fukkinn Jewishh Facee Smakkd << Am Ntt Racistt !!

    Omfgg .. Avv Erdd lorahh Iss A BiSexual Too !!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *