The Toilets Of The Wirral #4

Posted by The Bearkeeper on
Category: Local Stuff30 Comments

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Today we are continuing our highly entertaining (and hilarious for some) feature which I feel must go down as one of the most exhilarating series we have ever posted here on Jammy Toast. I think we had just better warn anyone who has a heart condition, or who is easily excitable, to just take this slowly and do not read/view this post all at once. Over-excitement could result if you consume this little post too quickly – I would also recommend sitting down. Now, as many of you know, Razzi and I teach people to drive around the Wirral and one of the draw-backs to this is when we need an emergency wee-wee. Public Toilets around the Wirral a very few and far between. So today, we are continuing our feature where we introduce you to the wonderful toiletry arrangements offered by the Wirral Metropolitan Borough Council…

I think we have mentioned these toilets in passing, on other posts in this series. These are the toilets that are hardly ever open because the guy responsible for looking after these conveniences sees it as a total inconvenience to actually go and open them up to the public. The number of times Razzi and I have driven down the promenade at break-neck speed – in serious need of an emergency wee-wee – only to find them still locked at mid-day. Furthermore, on the days that he does deem to open them up, they are usually closed again by 3pm – at the latest.

On the rare occasions they are open they are not really anything to write home about. The hand-drier in there is one of those all-in-one units that dispense soap, water and is a hand-drier too. The only problem is that the hand-drier comes with a free weekend pass to the old-folks home along the front. This is because by the time they have dried your hands you are ready for retirement anyway.

In all honesty, you do not expect public toilets to be pristine in this day and age, where everyone thinks it is a laugh to vandalise anything and everything. However, it would certainly help if they were available for a quick emergency wee-wee every now and again!

…and so say all of us.

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About the Author

The Bearkeeper

A sad and lonely old man who used to have a life but it has now been taken over by his dedication to the cause of saving Renault Bears, running Jammy Toast and searching eBay, car boot sales, charity shops, lofts and even under beds for his beloved bears. He has even now taken in Flat Eric to save him from homelessness – his life is no longer his own!

30 Comments on “The Toilets Of The Wirral #4”

    1. Granny won’t walk Rico because he is too strong for her but we used to have a more gentle dog she did walk called “Bob”. She used to take Bob out for walks and she used to have an emergency wee-wee in the bushes.

      Granny will probably deny it these days but ask Chimpton, if you don’t believe me!

  1. Maybe instead of whining on here you should contact the wee wee police in the council. Toilet fiend. I would rather wet my captain sweatpants than pee in some of the shitholes you frequent!!


  2. Okay gather around here is the plan, we pay the EU £50bn to leave, and then we pay a further £50bn to join the single market. Aren’t the Tories fucking thick!!

  3. Me at 2:34AM: Yeah it’s really interesting to think about the possibility of infinite universes & how any scenario you can possibly think of is happening at this exact moment.

    Me at 9AM: I just forgot the word for blanket…

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