A Bat Confession

Posted by The Bearkeeper on
Category: Animals/Bears/Pets49 Comments

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Before I start today’s post in earnest, I have a little confession to make; I do not like bats. In fact, I am scared stiff of anything that flaps wings anywhere near my head. I was initially totally unaware of my fear until Chimpton and Ananasty took me to Chester Zoo one summer’s day. I love the animals in the zoo; the elephants, tigers, lions, monkeys, wolves and, not surprisingly, even the bears. I ran around the place like a child on Christmas morning waiting to see what was in the next enclosure when eventually we came to the Fruit Bat Forest. Inside they have a Bat Cave which is totally in the dark and you can get up close to their colony of bats as they go about their nightly business. These impressive flying mammals spend their time flying, eating, mating and generally conducting their lives all under the cloak of darkness. I could just about see their silhouettes against the very dim ceiling lights when suddenly… a bat’s wing just gently touched the top of my head and – much to the delight of Chimpton and Ananasty – I screamed like a little schoolgirl and ran for cover!

The zoo maintains that their Bat Cave is a great opportunity to discover what these animals get up to when we’re usually tucked up in our beds. As we make our way through the forest and head towards the Bat Cave, “You may be able to feel the air as they whoosh past you,” they say. “But there’s no need to worry about them flying into you, bats are excellent navigators,” they add. That is all well and good but a bat touched my head and nothing the zoo says about “excellent navigators” is going to convince me otherwise. Maybe this bat was under the influence of fermented fruit – I have no idea – but he definitely more or less crashed into my head!

He could even have been a vampire bat for all I know.

Then to add insult to injury I hear you can part with £59 to go on a Fruit Bat Encounter and feed the little miscreants. For that price you get admission to the zoo, complimentary drink and the chance to feed their bats while accompanied by bat keepers who can answer your questions. The whole experience lasts for approximately 30 minutes – not if I am taking part it won’t!

I am reminded of that day by a story I have just read about thousands of bats who have taken over a town leaving residents afraid to leave their homes or take their children to school. The ‘bat-tornado’ was so intense that the local hospital’s air ambulance was grounded as they made it impossible to fly. The flying animals have taken over the town of Ingham in North Queensland, Australia, but they are a protected species so very little can be done.

Mayor of Hinchinbrook Council Raymond Jayo told the local news show A Current Affair: “It just seems to me that every bat in Australia is now in Ingham. There’s four different species and because they all have young at different times, there’s hardly a window of opportunity when we can interact with these bats to try and move them on.”

Outspoken local politician Bob Katter told the program, if it was up to him, he’d “be down here with a shotgun”. He added: “There comes a point where I think not breaking the law really becomes ‘dogging it,’ as we say in North Queensland and I think that point has probably been reached.”

President of the Ingham’s Chamber of Commerce, Rachael Coco, added: “If this was happening at Parliament House, somebody would have come up with a solution by now.”

She added that tourism in the area has taken a dramatic hit since the bats arrived. Trees around one primary school are full of the upside down fruit bats, with many parents refusing to send their children to school until they are gone.

Okay, so as much as I am not a fan of bats – although I would never harm any creature – let me make an observation for you, Australia. If you were not the world’s fourth largest coal producer then perhaps your country wouldn’t be on fire and destroying the bat’s habitat. Perhaps then they wouldn’t need to take to the skies to find new homes.

However, don’t send you little furry friends to Chester!

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About the Author

The Bearkeeper

A sad and lonely old man who used to have a life but it has now been taken over by his dedication to the cause of saving Renault Bears, running Jammy Toast and searching eBay, car boot sales, charity shops, lofts and even under beds for his beloved bears. He has even now taken in Flat Eric to save him from homelessness – his life is no longer his own!


49 Comments on “A Bat Confession”

  1. HAHAHAHAHA. It was sooooo funny, Dad screamed so loud I think EVERYONE in the bat cave turned round!! As for the fruit-bats they are friggen huge that must make the town popular :roflao:

  2. We had a bat in the house once. It was part of a colony of 500 that lived across the street in an abandoned house. They kept the area mosquito-free but this tiny bat kept me stuck in my home office all day until I was rescued by my husband! Apparently you just have to open a window! Doh.

    1. Shurrrup it was hilarious. Every-time we went back we were like plllllllease go in the bat cave. I laugh every bloody time I think about it, in-fact I laughed the rest of the way round the zoo.

  3. Never seen anyone more made up to tell you anything in my life than a person who’s about to tell you they don’t have sugar in their tea or coffee. Absolutely delighted with themselves aren’t they?

  4. In the bad books cause I haven’t taken #LS for a walk . Nanny Aud is piling on the guilt trip. I will take him out in the storm , probably break my hip and die alone?

  5. My son shaved his head after I lost my hair in the car crash but then got suspended from school the moment he walked into the building. Can you believe I gave birth to a man? He was a baby at the time but still. Scary.

  6. Dorothy and I had some very kind visitors yesterday. They also have an allotment on another site but there are no cats living there. They made such a fuss of us, it was lovely. I wish they could have stayed longer. I hope they come again.

  7. Pooh and Piglet had a long way to go, and wanted to be getting on. “Good-bye,” said Eeyore. “Mind you don’t get blown away, little Piglet. You’d be missed. People would say, ‘Where’s little Piglet been blown to?’ – really wanting to know. Well, good-bye.”

  8. Rolf report 9 Feb

    My carer Lottie took some great portrait shots of me at the cattery. I’m settled here. I get outdoor walks on my leash, grooming with my wire brush, hand-fed lick e lix treats & many cuddles. I’m a vocal boy but that’s normal. I’m going home on Tuesday.

    Rolf x

  9. Robs took Rudy the park and I’m really concerned if hes let him off the lead he will blow past the skylight any minute now. Meanwhile me and Pig are in bed eating munchies.

  10. I’ve woke up thinking about the roast dinner I’m going to make today before I’ve even ate breakfast. Just in case you’re wondering how much of a fat little fuck I am.

    Also if you don’t like loads of veg all over your roast you need to grow up.

  11. I usually avoid fb when the weather is bad bc ppl think we don’t have windows or eyes of our own, but someone just come in from walking his dogs and said it’s as “aggressive as a pool party at Michael Barrymore’s” and I lol.

  12. Still got the fear from Friday night. Time to sort my shit out and stop being a fucking shit person. Time to disappear and bid you adieu. For now, until I feel sweet again.

    Later x

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