A Cynical View On Valentine’s Cards

Posted by Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc on
Category: Davidd's Doodles28 Comments

Personally, I have always liked Valentine’s Day. I can just about remember Mrs Smith – my infant’s school teacher at Woodchurch Road School – getting us to cut out heart shapes from tissue paper and glue them to colourful pieces of folded card and write a message inside to our Mummies. However, if truth be told, I really wanted to give my card to a girl named Angela but she was having none of it and hardly noticed I existed. My young love was unrequited.

Another year while still in Woodchurch Road School, I actually did write a card to a girl who I loved with all my heart but whose name I can no longer remember (sort of says it all). I left the card along with a chocolate orange on her desk. Upon discovering my tokens of undying love she thanked me and immediately headed off to maths.

A few years later while in secondary school, I discovered the joys of sex. I was young and didn’t know my left shoe from my right, so Judith did all the running. I remember walking home afterwards like I was literally on cloud nine. I doubt Judith was very impressed because I never saw her again. A few weeks later I did send her a Valentine Card but I never heard back from her.

Many years later I remember hearing the Radiohead song Creep and thinking just how much it summed up my childhood experiences of love.

When you were here before
I couldn’t look you in the eye
You’re just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
And I wish I was special
You’re so fuckin’ special

But I’m a creep, I’m a weirdo.
What the hell am I doing here?
I don’t belong here.

That is just about my experience of Valentine Cards. I don’t think I ever gave my ex-wife a card during any of our thirty-odd years together. These days age has made me cynical and I just see the whole thing as a big fat commercial rip off and a way of making money out of people.

So not much romance from me, tell me what you lot think – see if you can save the day…

Andrea's Post.
Thursday is usually Andreaa’s day here on Jammy Toast but this week she has been “sacked off” because it is Valentine’s Day. Andreaa will return, as normal, next Thursday!
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About the Author

Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc

A sad and lonely old man who used to have a life but it has now been taken over by his dedication to the cause of saving Renault Bears, running Jammy Toast and searching eBay, car boot sales, charity shops, lofts and even under beds for his beloved bears. He has even now taken in Flat Eric to save him from homelessness – his life is no longer his own!

28 Comments on “A Cynical View On Valentine’s Cards”

  1. Like all occasions it has become commercialised. Christmas, Birthdays, Easter, Mothers and Fathers Day – the card makers have jumped on the band wagon. Didn’t they try and create a Grandfather and Grandmother’s Day a few years ago?

  2. For the past twenty years, I’ve been getting a Valentine’s card from the same secret admirer. So, I was pretty sad not to get one this year.

    First my granny dies, now this?

  3. my mum’s fewmin with me cos im going away this weekend and i still havent unpacked from the last time i was away. mind ya bizniss jean hun. just to clarify, its not like i live with her, she just likes telling me what to do x

  4. I keep thinking about the time my kid asked me was she a mistake and I said no baby I always wanted you.. my only mistake was having sex with your Da… like I was brutally honest and couldn’t help it x

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