Hello everyone, in the rush to relaunch Jammy Toast, I forgot to introduce myself. Everyone else has been quick to jump forward and say; “hello”, but I didn’t really get a chance so here goes. “Hello”, to anyone who might be passing or even actively looking for me. I will be surprised if it is the latter case as I was only famous for 15 minutes a very long time ago – 1999 to be precise – when I made some adverts for a famous jeans manufacturer. I also had a hit record with my old friend Mr Oizo called “Flat Beat”. As if this wasn’t enough, I also appeared in a cameo role in the BBC comedy series The Office with Ricky Gervais from 2001-2003.

This is beginning to sound like I am writing my CV here but anyway, next I appeared with David Soul in some adverts for Auto Trader. I had a stint for a while on the Big Breakfast and have been featured in magazines; including Arena, Cosmopolitan, Heat, Melody Maker, Ministry, Mixmag, Muzik, NME and The Face. However, these days work has pretty much dried up and I am what you might call a “has been”. So, I have decided to join this Jammy Toast malarkey in the hope I might become a cult figure?!?!?

Anyway, all that is assuming you even know who I am, many of you may not…

My story started in France, when Techno DJ Laurent Garnier went to buy a car from Quentin Dupieux’s Dad. Dupieux later made a 15-minute art film for Garnier’s 1997 single “Crispy Bacon”. Dupieux had ambitions beyond directing, and by August had released his second techno EP, called “M-Seq”, under the alias of Mr Oizo. He made a video to accompany it which featured – wait for it – sock puppets dancing to techno. This little pearl ended up at Levi’s advertising agency and the next thing they came across me, tapping my fingers waiting for the release of “Flat Beat” and my inevitable superstardom.

The adverts we made together were quite clever – if I do say so myself – because Levi’s brand at the time had become predictable and lame. Then along came me and my mate Angel with our obsession for creases and the rest, as they say, was history.

However, with the public being what it is, and styles and tastes forever changing, three months later everyone had forgotten I even existed or else were all sick to death of me.

…and so started my inevitable spiral towards obscurity.