Andreaa’s Diary #13

Posted by Andreaa Kurby on
Category: Andreaa's Diary106 Comments

Thanks To Everyone Who Sent Me Best Wishes && Congratulations Last Week Over Me Little Announcement; It Was Really Nice Of Yas All.. Am Just Sittin Back && Waitin For The Big Day Now Even Though I Am Dreadin It A Bit.. Davidd Has Told Me That It Smarts A Bit Havin A Baby Bt F*cked If I Know How He Knows?? Our Vicki Says I Should Get A Birthin Pool && Give Birth In Water Cos It Hurts Less.. Am Not Sure About Tha Though, It Was Her Third Baby Bt This Will Be Me First.. I Did Ask At The Hozzy Bt They Said Its All A Myth, Every Woman Is Different So They Cant Say If It Will Hurt Less.. We All Tolerate Pain Differently.. She Did Say That Water Births Are More Relaxin For The Mother && Baby Bt Not Necessarily Less Painful.. Think I Will Stick To The Old Fashioned Way, For The First One Anyway.

Me && Gary Are Quite Chilled About It, Its Everyone Else Who Is Gettin In A Panic.. I Think Davidd Is Watchin The Birth Channel On Sky If There Is Such A Thing.. Every 10 Minutes I Get A Text Off Him Sayin Dont Do This && Make Sure Ya Do That Cos He Has Heard It On Some Programme Or Other, Or Its Been On The News.. Its Great That He Cares && Tha Bt Fuckinell, Chill Mate!!

Anyways, I Was Readin Davidds Story The Other Day About Granny Gettin Two Turkeys && It So Reminded Me Of Me Mum.. Thats The Sort Of Thing She Would Do When She Gets Panicked.. I Thinkk I Told Yas Once Before About A Story When I Got Me Mum Stoned Bt When I Searched To Find The Story I Couldnt Find It So Maybe I Didnt Tell Yas.. So I Will Tell Yas Now Instead.. I Wont Name Any Names Incase The Bizzies Are Readin It Bt Me Mates Brother Makes Brilliant Space Cakes.. She Asked Me If I Wanted Any && Obviously I Said Yes.. She Gave Me Some Bt Said Be Careful Cos He Made A Mistake With How Much He Put In The Cakes.. Normally He Puts A Tenners Worth In Bt This Time He Put A Quarter In So They Was Dead Strong.. I Was In Work For A Few Days So I Didnt Want To Have Them On A Night When I Was In Work The Next Morning.. Lorah && Me Used To Be Quite Bad Stoners && I Didnt Want To Go Back To Doin It When I Was Goin To Be In Work.. I Took Them Home && Put Them In My Room, Bt I Hid Them So That The Kids Couldnt Find Them && Next Mornin I Went Off To Work..

Now Me Mum Is A Little Angel && Decided To Do Me Washin For Me While I Was At Work.. She Goes Into My Room && Gets All My Washin Together && Finds My Cakes.. My Mum Is A Bigger Munchie Than Davidd, So She Decides To Raid The Cakes.. With All The Stuff In Them I Would Probably Only Have Eaten Half A Cake Or Maybe Just One At The Most.. Not My Mum, She Decides To Eat Them Both Together With A Cup Of Tea..

After Work I Drive Home && Theres No One In.. No Sign Of Anyone Anywhere.. I Text Our Danielle Who Only Lives Round The Corner In Case Me Mum Is Round At Hers.. Danielle Says She Hasnt Seen Her All Day.. Same With Our Vicki.. Me Mums Mate Hadnt Seen Her Either; No One Knew Where She Was Or Where She Had Gone..

Half An Hour Later, Our Danielle Turns Up To See If I Have Found Her.. I Told Her That No One Knows Where She Has Gone && She Runs Up The Stairs For A Wee Before We Start A Full-Blown Search.. Two Minutes Later I Hear Her Shout Down, “Andreaa, Shes Here!!” I Run Up The Stairs && Theres Me Mum Lyin On The Bathroom Floor Covered In Her Own Sick.. She Is Out Cold!!

Me && Danielle Try Liftin Her Bt We Were Gettin Nowhere, So I Ring Vicki && Tell Her To Get Her Fat Arse Round To Ours.. It Took The Three Of Us To Lift Me Mum Up.. Me && Vicki At The Top && Danielle Liftin Her Feet.. We Managed To Drag Her Into Her Bedroom, Get Her On The Bed && Then Try && Wake Her Up..

Eventually She Comes Round && Says That She Feels Funny After Eatin Some Rock Cakes She Found In Me Bedroom.. I Was Lyk, “Mum, They Were Space Cakes Not Rock Cakes.. How Many Did Ya Have????”

She Told Us That She Was Feelin Peckish So She Ate Them Both.. I Explained To Her That They Were Dead Strong Cos Me Mates Brother Had Made A Mistake With How Much He Put In.. Me, Vicki && Danielle Are Pissin Ourselves Laughin Cos Me Mum Has Never Had Any Stuff In Her Life && The First Time She Tries It, All Innocently, She Goes && ODs!!

Nice One Mum!!

She Was Alright Though In The End..

Hope Yas All Have A Great Day Tomorrow && Santa Brings Ya Just What Ya Want..

Traa xx

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Posted By

Andreaa Kurby

I Am Andreaa && I Am Havin A Boss Time Ere Writin On The Blog && Tha.. I Feel Proper Ashamed, The F*ckin State Of It.. Davidd Told Me If Ya Hav A Blog All Ya Have To Do Is Write Little Stories Abowt Ya Life Bt I Said No, I Cant Write Nothin.. I Neva Evn Passed Me GCSE English.. Bt He Bullies Me Yerno, So Me Stories Are Usually Shit..

106 Comments on “Andreaa’s Diary #13”

  1. Be careful who you give them to they can cause a reaction and you don’t know if someone is susceptible until they have tried it. Sounds like a great joke but it can go seriously wrong.

  2. Roy Wood really needs to think things through a bit more.

    If it was Christmas every day, all the shops would be shut, you wouldn’t be able to buy any presents and the only thing on the telly would be sitcom repeats and the Queen’s speech.

  3. I’d usually be out getting pissed by now on Christmas Eve. The plan instead is a few drinks at home with Dave and Lurch, then down to Midnight Mass with some cans to meet the lads.

  4. Rolf report 25 Dec

    Yesterday I met lots of students spending the holidays on campus queuing to collect their Christmas dinner for today. I posed with a sign Dr Sherry gave me. Yes, it’s my kingdom & my people. Merry Christmas.

    Rolf x

  5. The sun rose up to tell a waiting world
    That Christmas had begun,
    And people seized their stockings,
    And opened them with glee,
    And crackers, toys and games appeared,
    And lips with sticky sweets were smeared.

  6. My sincere greetings & good wishes go out to absolutely everybody with a wish from me that by this time next year, entertainment will be back live but most importantly to have good health, respect & love for each other & all living creatures to make the world a better place. xx

  7. My aunt has kindly organised a giant “Drive In Mass” in a shopping centre car park today. I remember the excitement of my first McDonald’s drive thru, so I know how everyone will feel being able to order a Body of Christ from the car window without having to go in to get it.

  8. I don’t care how much you come across bad ppl on the internet it has brought me some of the best people in my life and I’ll be forever grateful for it have a fabulous Christmas all of you beautiful bastids I love you all x

  9. Christmas Day. Better known as the all day marathon at the inlaws. The only benefit being as they live in an old neighborhood parking is at a premium. Get to show off my parallel parking skills.

    Happy Christmas all.

  10. Christmas is probably the only time of year where I’m nice. I even said happy Christmas to Lewy last night and he gets on my last nerve. Next is Pot Mong
    and maybe even Sicknote Idk.

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