Andreaa’s Diary #14

Posted by Andreaa Kurby on
Category: Andreaa's Diary70 Comments

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So I Was Tellin Davidd That Me && Gary Was Tryin To Get Married Before The Baby Is Born Even If It Means Am A Big Fat Heffer Goin Down The Aisle.. So He Asked Me Wot Me New Surname Was Goin To Be Cos Obvs, I Wouldnt Be Kurby Girl Anymore.. So I Told Him That Gary Has A Double Barrelled Surname That Begins With The Letters DC Bt I Really Want To Keep My Own Surname Which Begins With C (Sorry, I Know I Lied Bt Kurby Aint Me Real Name).. Whenever Davidd Sees A Chance To Take The Piss His Brain Works Faster Than Stephen Hawking.. He Says If I Keep My Surname Too That Will Make My Name Andreaa C-DC && My Initials Will Be AC/DC.. He’s Now Callin Me Angus After The AC/DC Guitarist.. Bastid!!

We’ve Been To See The Priest About The Weddin && The Good News Is It Is Set For 6th May Which Means I Will Be 7 Months Pregnant && Will Look Lyk A Hot Air Balloon Goin Down The Aisle.. The Bad News Is That We Can Only Have Eight Guests.. So We Are Plannin On Havin A Second Weddin When All This Shit Is Over That We Can Invite All Our Family && Friends Too, So They Wont Feel Too Bad If They Cant Come To The First One.. I Think Its Pretty Cool To Be Honest Cos It Means I Will Have Two Weddin Anniversaries Every Year For Him To Buy Me Pressies For!! Every Cloud Has A Silver Linin && Davidd Got In With Another Dig Sayin That Camell Laird’s Have Said They Can Make The Dress For Me!!

The T*wt!!

I Rang Our Charlie Up In The Week To Tell Her Wot Was Happenin && To Ask How Things Were Goin With Her Weddin Plans.. Felt So Sorry For Her Cos Her Weddin Has Been Put Back Again, This Time To 6th May Too… Except Its 6th May 2022.. She Saw Her Arse When I Told Her The Date Of Mine && I Think Shes Not Speakin To Me Again.. If Ya Remember She Saw Her Arse Cos Me && Me Mum Couldnt Both Go To The Daytime && Night-Time Of Her Weddin Cos One Of Us Was Goin To Have To Look After The Kids If Me Sisters Was Goin To Her Wedding.. So Me && Me Mum Was Splittin With One Of Us Goin The Church && The Other Goin The Night-Time && She Saw Her Bum.. Bet Shes Seein It Even More Now!!

Do Feel Sorry For Her Though, This Is The Fifth Time Her Weddin Has Been Postponed Cos Of This Virus.. Its Really Not My Fault Though, We Had Already Booked It && Paid For It Before I Found Out Wot Was Happenin To Her.. Doesnt Matter Though Have Already Had Her Mum On The Phone Bein All Snooty To Me.. I Think She Thinks That Am Sposed To Check In Before I Book Anythin In Case It Upsets Them.. Well She Can F*ck Off Right Away..

Davidd Did Actually Come Up With A Good Idea.. Instead Of Havin The Cost Of Another Weddin When All This Is Over Why Dont We Just Have A Blessin Once The Baby Is Born && Covid Has Fucked Off.. Was Thinkin Maybe On Our First Anniversary Bt Obviously Cant Do That Now Cos Of Charlie Gettin Married On Our First Anniversary.. If Ya Readin This Charl, See I Do Care About Ya && Want To Be There For As Much Of Ur Big Day As I Can!!

So Am Currently Off Work Self-Isolatin Cos Someone In Work Caught The Miley.. I Worked A Shift With Her, So They Said I Have To Stay At Home For 14-Days.. I Thought It Was 10-Days Bt They Said Stay At Home && Get A Test Before Comin Back To Work.. Am Not Goin To Argue With Two Weeks Off Lyk Bt Even The Government Website Says Its 10-Days If You Have Been In Contact With Someone Who Has The Virus..

One Thing That Makes Me Mad Is Greedy Bastids.. I Just Heard This Mornin That Netflix Are Puttin Their Prices Up.. They Say It Is To Cover The Cost Of The Content They Carry.. F*ckin’ Hell, I Bet Their Subscriptions Have Gone Through The Roof With Everyone On Lockdown && They Are Just Gettin Greedy.. I Have Never Heard Any Company Come Out && Say, Right Were Makin Loads-A-Money At The Moment So Were Puttin The Cost Of A Subscription Down For Yas As A Way Of Sayin Ya Boss Customers..

Bastids!!

Traa xx

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Posted By

Andreaa Kurby

I Am Andreaa && I Am Havin A Boss Time Ere Writin On The Blog && Tha.. I Feel Proper Ashamed, The F*ckin State Of It.. Davidd Told Me If Ya Hav A Blog All Ya Have To Do Is Write Little Stories Abowt Ya Life Bt I Said No, I Cant Write Nothin.. I Neva Evn Passed Me GCSE English.. Bt He Bullies Me Yerno, So Me Stories Are Usually Shit..


70 Comments on “Andreaa’s Diary #14”

  1. If I was Charlie, I would start thinking the heavens were conspiring against me being married and start having second thoughts. I hope she has a great day after all the waiting though.

  2. Screamed at my nan who rang The Royal to ask if she could “just tag along and get one too,” when my grandad gets his vaccine. Shy kids get no sweets I suppose.

  3. Piers Morgan saying he liked Trump and can’t believe it’s come to this.

    I know, Piers, who knew a pussy grabbing, sociopath, fascist that puts children in cages could go on to this?

  4. The UK government has decided not to intervene with the plans of opening a brand new English coal mine. This really shows the true meaning of so called “net zero 2050”. These vague, insufficient targets long into the future basically mean nothing today.

  5. Just marched downstairs and told Jon what I’ve just found out… The Frankie and Benny story isn’t real, they’re not Italian brothers and it’s not from New York – what about all those old black and white family photos on the wall? And the canopy outside? Lies!

    1. And I did wonder, if I’m honest, if the Italian Mafia was behind its rise in success, there was just little hidden clues in the photographs – a horses head, a man with a violin case that sort of thing. It made the microwaved lasagne a bit more exciting.

  6. Switching on the news these days is like when you see a candle flame and you know it’s gonna hurt but you JUST gotta put your finger right in there and have a go.

  7. Hey Donald Trump

    Hitler Steve (The Nazi Cow) says can you try and be a bit less Fascist because you are making him feel too Left Wing.

    From Jon (Pigeon)

  8. There’s a man parked up in a strange looking car behind Birkenhead Town Hall mumbling about needing a lightning strike and how he punched in a “bad” number code. “Massive mistake” apparently.

    Threw us a Marathon bar and some Opal Fruits out the window though!

  9. The new settee is a big hit with all of us. The space between Dorothy and Barbara is just perfect for me to fit in but I’m not sure whether to risk it or not. I know Barbs wouldn’t mind, but someone else might. What should I do?

  10. The more it
    SNOWS-tiddely-pom
    The more it
    GOES-tiddely-pom
    The more it
    GOES-tiddely-pom
    On
    Snowing.

    And nobody
    KNOWS-tiddely-pom,
    How cold my
    TOES-tiddely-pom
    How cold my
    TOES-tiddely-pom
    Are Growing

    (by Winnie-the-Pooh)

  11. Rolf report 8 Jan

    My campus mom Dr Claudia has displayed my portrait on top of her shelves. It didn’t take me long to climb up & hang out with it. It’s fun to see a real Rolf interacting with a life-sized painted Rolf. The humans think it might be a form of living art.

    Rolf x

  12. Went into the kitchen this morning, the wife was face-down and not breathing. I panicked and didn’t know what to do…

    Then I remembered that McDonald’s do breakfast until 10.30!

  13. People are complaining that my father Stanley Johnson is getting his second vaccine jab after just 3 weeks. This is because he is classified as being particularly vulnerable because he is incapable of following any rules.

  14. My dad used to be dead strict with me, I don’t think I was even allowed to wear makeup til I was about 16 and then there’s my 18 yo sister cutting about Facebook in leather skirts and fishnets. Ok then.

  15. Scientists: we’ve reached a critical point; we need lockdown.
    Unions: we’ve reached a critical point; our members can’t work safely; we need more people to stay home.
    Government: OK, OK – we’ll lockdown. Everyone stay home, except for key workers!

    Who are key workers?
    Everyone!

  16. Yes teacher, I am aware that the little people want to wash the paintbrushes, but this sink is occupied. It’s too cold for outside hedge watching, so I’m watching the plug hole for spiders instead!

  17. I’d add more filters to my selfies but there are only so many you can add to wrinkles, cellulite, stretch marks, fat bits, freckles, age spots, sneeze marks, laugh lines, frown lines, my neck, arms, hands, entire body …

    Oh and can you believe I’m only 45?

  18. Was talking to a girl and I wasnt feeling it anymore but she was dead nice and I didnt wanna hurt her. So I tried putting her off me by sending her a video of me having a poo. 10 minutes later she sent me one back… that girl was Poorlene!!

  19. It’s my birthday next month and I’ve decided to stay 34 bc I didn’t use last year and it looks like I won’t be using much of this one either. Thank you and I ask the press to please respect my privacy at this emotional time x

  20. GOOD NEWS: Despite a hostile (and jealous) seagull presence we are delighted to announce that our high quality merchandise range has just arrived in Birkenhead.

    Eight crates of pigeon branded snow globes, t-shirts, mugs and laser pens.

  21. HAPPY FRIDAY GUYS. TONIGHT GOGGLEBOX IS BACK ON YOUR SCREENS FOR A FESTIVE SPECIAL!!

    9pm @Channel4

    We hope your all well and getting through Lockdown 3 so hopefully this will cheer yous up and lift them spirits!!

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