We’ve Been To See The Priest About The Weddin && The Good News Is It Is Set For 6th May Which Means I Will Be 7 Months Pregnant && Will Look Lyk A Hot Air Balloon Goin Down The Aisle.. The Bad News Is That We Can Only Have Eight Guests.. So We Are Plannin On Havin A Second Weddin When All This Shit Is Over That We Can Invite All Our Family && Friends Too, So They Wont Feel Too Bad If They Cant Come To The First One.. I Think Its Pretty Cool To Be Honest Cos It Means I Will Have Two Weddin Anniversaries Every Year For Him To Buy Me Pressies For!! Every Cloud Has A Silver Linin && Davidd Got In With Another Dig Sayin That Camell Laird’s Have Said They Can Make The Dress For Me!!
The T*wt!!
I Rang Our Charlie Up In The Week To Tell Her Wot Was Happenin && To Ask How Things Were Goin With Her Weddin Plans.. Felt So Sorry For Her Cos Her Weddin Has Been Put Back Again, This Time To 6th May Too… Except Its 6th May 2022.. She Saw Her Arse When I Told Her The Date Of Mine && I Think Shes Not Speakin To Me Again.. If Ya Remember She Saw Her Arse Cos Me && Me Mum Couldnt Both Go To The Daytime && Night-Time Of Her Weddin Cos One Of Us Was Goin To Have To Look After The Kids If Me Sisters Was Goin To Her Wedding.. So Me && Me Mum Was Splittin With One Of Us Goin The Church && The Other Goin The Night-Time && She Saw Her Bum.. Bet Shes Seein It Even More Now!!
Do Feel Sorry For Her Though, This Is The Fifth Time Her Weddin Has Been Postponed Cos Of This Virus.. Its Really Not My Fault Though, We Had Already Booked It && Paid For It Before I Found Out Wot Was Happenin To Her.. Doesnt Matter Though Have Already Had Her Mum On The Phone Bein All Snooty To Me.. I Think She Thinks That Am Sposed To Check In Before I Book Anythin In Case It Upsets Them.. Well She Can F*ck Off Right Away..
Davidd Did Actually Come Up With A Good Idea.. Instead Of Havin The Cost Of Another Weddin When All This Is Over Why Dont We Just Have A Blessin Once The Baby Is Born && Covid Has Fucked Off.. Was Thinkin Maybe On Our First Anniversary Bt Obviously Cant Do That Now Cos Of Charlie Gettin Married On Our First Anniversary.. If Ya Readin This Charl, See I Do Care About Ya && Want To Be There For As Much Of Ur Big Day As I Can!!
So Am Currently Off Work Self-Isolatin Cos Someone In Work Caught The Miley.. I Worked A Shift With Her, So They Said I Have To Stay At Home For 14-Days.. I Thought It Was 10-Days Bt They Said Stay At Home && Get A Test Before Comin Back To Work.. Am Not Goin To Argue With Two Weeks Off Lyk Bt Even The Government Website Says Its 10-Days If You Have Been In Contact With Someone Who Has The Virus..
One Thing That Makes Me Mad Is Greedy Bastids.. I Just Heard This Mornin That Netflix Are Puttin Their Prices Up.. They Say It Is To Cover The Cost Of The Content They Carry.. F*ckin’ Hell, I Bet Their Subscriptions Have Gone Through The Roof With Everyone On Lockdown && They Are Just Gettin Greedy.. I Have Never Heard Any Company Come Out && Say, Right Were Makin Loads-A-Money At The Moment So Were Puttin The Cost Of A Subscription Down For Yas As A Way Of Sayin Ya Boss Customers..
Bastids!!
Traa xx
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70 Comments on “Andreaa’s Diary #14”
You will be speaking with an Australian accent next, Angus.
“Bonzer day we’re havin’.”
Charlie must be fed up with this virus, bloody hell.
Two weeks off sounds like a winner to me.
If Netflix is going up means Prime will put their prices up too.
If I was Charlie, I would start thinking the heavens were conspiring against me being married and start having second thoughts. I hope she has a great day after all the waiting though.
Are you thinking of calling your child Covid?? Just a thought
At least he’s not calling you Rolf Harris and singing about tying your kangeroo down, sport!!
W can always see photos of your big day even if we can’t be there.
Just been for my flat vaccine at the flat hospital.
Me family have just found me twitter oh my god good bye. I don’t even want to go downstairs I am mortified!!
Idk how you genuinely cope w his bullshit Andi.
Thought I’d be less of a cunt in 2021 but no…
Andreaa, I am your number one fan pls marry me!!
Trump is not welcome in Downpatrick.
We all need a spa day!
Screamed at my nan who rang The Royal to ask if she could “just tag along and get one too,” when my grandad gets his vaccine. Shy kids get no sweets I suppose.
I wouldn’t even Shit on Donald Trump.
Piers Morgan saying he liked Trump and can’t believe it’s come to this.
I know, Piers, who knew a pussy grabbing, sociopath, fascist that puts children in cages could go on to this?
Two wedding anniversaries? Sounds like a great plan!
I’m too shy to ever give birth. I’d be pure covering myself up like “Noooo don’t look I’ve got nothin on!” x
The UK government has decided not to intervene with the plans of opening a brand new English coal mine. This really shows the true meaning of so called “net zero 2050”. These vague, insufficient targets long into the future basically mean nothing today.
You know what America is full of idiots and on its arse but we can’t say nothing we get terrored by private schooled fox hunters and do fuckall about it!
Donald Trump is currently looking for his MySpace password and login details…
One’s on the phone right now cancelling our subscription to 2021 – not satisfied with the free 7 day trial.
Dear Donald Trump
Twitter thinks I am responsible enough to do tweets and you are not. Yep.
And I am a Fucking Pigeon.
From Jon (Pigeon)
Just marched downstairs and told Jon what I’ve just found out… The Frankie and Benny story isn’t real, they’re not Italian brothers and it’s not from New York – what about all those old black and white family photos on the wall? And the canopy outside? Lies!
And I did wonder, if I’m honest, if the Italian Mafia was behind its rise in success, there was just little hidden clues in the photographs – a horses head, a man with a violin case that sort of thing. It made the microwaved lasagne a bit more exciting.
Switching on the news these days is like when you see a candle flame and you know it’s gonna hurt but you JUST gotta put your finger right in there and have a go.
Facebook and insta have banned Trump?
If everyone needs a place to chill out and escape from the chaos remember there’s always the park full of man-eating dinosaurs.
Hey Donald Trump
Hitler Steve (The Nazi Cow) says can you try and be a bit less Fascist because you are making him feel too Left Wing.
From Jon (Pigeon)
Tomorrow is day 3 of lockdown, and the bleach for my hair is coming…
There’s a man parked up in a strange looking car behind Birkenhead Town Hall mumbling about needing a lightning strike and how he punched in a “bad” number code. “Massive mistake” apparently.
Threw us a Marathon bar and some Opal Fruits out the window though!
I’ve hurt my back so of course it’s my duty to make a range of strange and unusual sounds when trying to stand up.
The past few nights me and Dottie have fell asleep holding hands and its so fucking precious she’ll end up sharing my bed until her graduation!
AY ITS FUCKIN SNOWING!!
The new settee is a big hit with all of us. The space between Dorothy and Barbara is just perfect for me to fit in but I’m not sure whether to risk it or not. I know Barbs wouldn’t mind, but someone else might. What should I do?
So fucking tired!!
Good morning all on this fantastic fish for tea Friday!!
The more it
SNOWS-tiddely-pom
The more it
GOES-tiddely-pom
The more it
GOES-tiddely-pom
On
Snowing.
And nobody
KNOWS-tiddely-pom,
How cold my
TOES-tiddely-pom
How cold my
TOES-tiddely-pom
Are Growing
(by Winnie-the-Pooh)
Rolf report 8 Jan
My campus mom Dr Claudia has displayed my portrait on top of her shelves. It didn’t take me long to climb up & hang out with it. It’s fun to see a real Rolf interacting with a life-sized painted Rolf. The humans think it might be a form of living art.
Rolf x
Went into the kitchen this morning, the wife was face-down and not breathing. I panicked and didn’t know what to do…
Then I remembered that McDonald’s do breakfast until 10.30!
People are complaining that my father Stanley Johnson is getting his second vaccine jab after just 3 weeks. This is because he is classified as being particularly vulnerable because he is incapable of following any rules.
The new list is now out of date so have torn it up… feel much better now!
My dad used to be dead strict with me, I don’t think I was even allowed to wear makeup til I was about 16 and then there’s my 18 yo sister cutting about Facebook in leather skirts and fishnets. Ok then.
Scientists: we’ve reached a critical point; we need lockdown.
Unions: we’ve reached a critical point; our members can’t work safely; we need more people to stay home.
Government: OK, OK – we’ll lockdown. Everyone stay home, except for key workers!
Who are key workers?
Everyone!
This big lump of a bulldog I’ve just got is AFRAID of Nacho. Lads that dog is Satan!
My thoughts are with you at this trying time x
I’m shocked this is a shock to you!
Not everyone is as woke up as we are.
OMG Irene he’s my baby love is blind… Devastated!!
I’M AFRAID OF NACHO!!!
Granny’s New Year’s Resolution of “more knitting, more napping” seems to be going splendidly…
That’s the last time I say morning to someone in work yeno, waffling undies for abar 15 mins like am assed wha they’ve got to say!
Yes teacher, I am aware that the little people want to wash the paintbrushes, but this sink is occupied. It’s too cold for outside hedge watching, so I’m watching the plug hole for spiders instead!
idk who needs to hear this, but wash your grill pan ye scruff.
Happy birthday my love David Bowie untill we meet again. I love you so much
I’d add more filters to my selfies but there are only so many you can add to wrinkles, cellulite, stretch marks, fat bits, freckles, age spots, sneeze marks, laugh lines, frown lines, my neck, arms, hands, entire body …
Oh and can you believe I’m only 45?
I have a theory that the brain might have come from another planet where brains ruled.
Was talking to a girl and I wasnt feeling it anymore but she was dead nice and I didnt wanna hurt her. So I tried putting her off me by sending her a video of me having a poo. 10 minutes later she sent me one back… that girl was Poorlene!!
No it fuckin wasn’t!!
It’s my birthday next month and I’ve decided to stay 34 bc I didn’t use last year and it looks like I won’t be using much of this one either. Thank you and I ask the press to please respect my privacy at this emotional time x
No taste or smell is mad everything you eat tastes like the colour grey!!
How’s your diet going Cheryl?
GOOD NEWS: Despite a hostile (and jealous) seagull presence we are delighted to announce that our high quality merchandise range has just arrived in Birkenhead.
Eight crates of pigeon branded snow globes, t-shirts, mugs and laser pens.
Just got accused of robbin’ the bakery in Tesco, like am gonna go out me way to do a 50p bagel heist!
Sorry you can’t scam me, I never read my emails anymore.
Dont really understand much anymore.
HAPPY FRIDAY GUYS. TONIGHT GOGGLEBOX IS BACK ON YOUR SCREENS FOR A FESTIVE SPECIAL!!
9pm @Channel4
We hope your all well and getting through Lockdown 3 so hopefully this will cheer yous up and lift them spirits!!
OH and we have SHIT LOADS OF SNOW xx