Andreaa’s Diary #15

Posted by Andreaa Kurby on
Category: Andreaa's Diary70 Comments

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Went For Another Scan The Other Day && The Baby Bean Is All Healthy && Kickin Away.. Davidd Said He Hopes Its A Boy Cos He Will Make A Boss Little Footballer With All The Kickin He Is Doin Lyk.. I Have Booked A Private Gender Scan For The End Of The Month, So I Might Know After That.. I Am Really Not Bothered Though As Long As The Little Bean Is Alright.. Davidd Did Ask Me What I Would Do If Its A Girl && Becomes A Terrible Teen Lyk I Was.. Omfg I Would Cry Me Eyes Out I Couldn’t Cope With A Mini Me Bt It Would Just Be My Luck Lyk.. Have Already Decided On Names Though; I Thought Skylar If Its A Girl && Rory If Its A Boy.. Gary Doesn’t Get A Say Lyk.. Hes Picked The Middle Names After His Grandparents Bt Am Not Fond Of Them To Be Honest.. Davidd Said I Can Name It After His Grandfather If I Wanted Who Was Called Horace — He Can Fuck Rarr Off With Tha!!

The Only Thing Doin Me Head In Is Am Not Goin To Get Away On Holiday This Year Cos Of The Baby.. I Just Want To Get Back To Turkey && Feel The Warm On Me Skin.. I Love Gettin Pissed Every Night && Then Sleepin It Off The Next Day Bt Ya Can’t Do That With A Baby.. I Might Of Told Ya This Story Once Before, I Can’t Remember, Bt It Is Typical A Day On Holiday In The Life Of Andreaa.. This One Day We Went Horse-Ridin Or Trekkin Or Whatever They Call It && My Horse Pure Hated Me.. We Were Climbin Up A Mountain && Then Goin Down The Other Side Where There Was A Flooded River.. We Were Wadin Through The River && They Told Us That It Wasn’t That Deep, Bt Cos There Had Been A Hurricane, It Was.. The Water Was Gettin Higher && Higher So Even Me Moo Moo Was Gettin Wet.. Then Somethin Spooked All The Horses.. The Man Said It Could Of Been A Snake In The Water Bt We Never Saw It.. Bt The Horses Started Rearin && Tryin To Throw Everyone Off.. My Horse Just Jumped In The Air, Spun Round A Couple Of Times && Threw Me Off Into The Water.. I Had To Wade Out Before I Drowned.. The Wranglers Managed To Round The Horses Up && We All Headed Back To The Hotel.. I Was Soaked Through && Couldn’t Wait To Get Back So I Could Get A Shower && Get Changed..

When We Got Back To The Hotel, I Headed To Me Room Through The Hotel.. The Hotel Which Was Pretty Much Crowded && I Went Up In The Lift With This Family && Into My Room.. It Was When I Was Takin Me Clothes Off That I Noticed I Was Covered In Horse Shit.. Everyone In The Hotel I Had Passed On The Way To Me Room Must Of Thought I Was A Right Smelly Meff..

Another Night, I Decided To Put This Dress On That I Had Bought For Me Holiday.. It Was Really Low Cut && Didn’t Leave Much To Ya Imagination.. I Wouldn’t Dare Wear It Now With Me Fat Baby Belly.. If Ya Lean Forward Ya Could See Right Inside The Dress && Cos It Was Cut Low At The Back Too Ya Couldn’t Wear A Bra With It.. I Bought Some Nipple Covers In England && Took Them Out There With Me.. I Wore Them This Night With The Dress So That No One Got An Eye Full, Or That Was The Plan Anyway..

The Bar We Were In Was Doin Two-For-One On Shots, So We Were Gettin Well Hammered.. Zoe Was Tellin Yusuf About Me Nipple Covers && Him && His Mates Was Pure Takin The Piss.. I Was Pissed By Then, So I Took Them Out Of Me Dress For A Laugh && Yusuf Grapped Them Off Me && Was Throwin Them Round The Club.. Next Thing Ya Know They Had Disappeared && No One Knew Where They Were.. The Main Problem Was That This Day It Was Not Very Warm In The Club Cos The Hurricane Had Only Just Fucked Off..

So There’s Me Walkin Round This Club With Nipples Lyk JCB Starter Buttons..

While We Was In This Club, I Tried Smokin A Hookah, Which Is Lyk A Kind Of Sheesh Pipe && Zoe Took Photos && Posted Them All Over Facebook.. As Soon As I Got Back To England I Got Murderized By Me Uncle && Me Grandad For Bein A Naughty Girl Smokin Drugs.. They Just Didn’t Get What It Was Bt Its A Good Job They Never Knew About All The Lads && Other Stuff That Went Down On That Holiday..

I Hope Now That I Am Goin To Be Married With A Baby That It Is Not The End Of The Wild Child Cos I Do Lyk Them Days..

Imagine How Borin Life Would Be Without Madgirl Andreaa!!

Traa xx

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Andreaa Kurby

I Am Andreaa && I Am Havin A Boss Time Ere Writin On The Blog && Tha.. I Feel Proper Ashamed, The F*ckin State Of It.. Davidd Told Me If Ya Hav A Blog All Ya Have To Do Is Write Little Stories Abowt Ya Life Bt I Said No, I Cant Write Nothin.. I Neva Evn Passed Me GCSE English.. Bt He Bullies Me Yerno, So Me Stories Are Usually Shit..

70 Comments on “Andreaa’s Diary #15”

  1. My father wanted to hang out so he came over. It was to eat my chili. He wanted chili. He showed up not to spend time with me but to eat the chili I made. He sat down, chili in front of him and said “I had a dream about this.”

  2. This taxi stinks of dog shit n I’m sat in the back P’d up tryna decipher wether it’s on my shoe, coming from my arse or if it’s just the taxi fella in general?

  3. Hi guys ave been informed some cunt phoned the police on me for being very handsome. I can’t cope with this. I can’t cope. So am being shot at dawn in front of a firing squad. I didn’t know it was a crime ta be handsome but here we are.

    Democracy manifests.

  4. Urgent appeal to Jason Donovan, Kylie (and Danni) Minogue, Toadfish, Shane Warne, Ian Thorpe, Natalie Imbruglia, Crocodile Dundee, Mark Little, the Man from Snowy River and any descendants of Bouncer.


    #Australia #SaveThePigeon

  5. The Birkenhead Flock demand that Joe The Pigeon is allowed to live freely in Australia or be shipped to Birkenhead to live with us. If not… Pat will fly to Sydney and do a heavy landing on your precious Opera House!


    #SaveJoe #SaveJoeThePigeon

  6. Not to mention a minge like a wizards sleeve, boobs with nipples like binlids and walking round like you’ve shit yourself for a few months afterwards. Sounds like bliss. All so in 12 years time you can hear the immortal line “I hate this house.” :roflao:

  7. Sad for those at Norwegian Airlines losing their jobs. Only flew with them twice – to Buenos Aries and back- and the service was great. Did not feel like a so called budget airline. Good luck to everyone.

  8. My Dad just takes a photo of me in front of a white sheet. That’s a Passport photo surely as long as I sit still. Want to get the first 80 quid knocked off!

  9. “It’s a funny thing,” said Rabbit, “how everything looks the same in a mist. Lucky we know the Forest so well, or we might get lost.” “Pooh!” Piglet whispered. “Yes, Piglet?” “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. “I just wanted to be sure of you.”

  10. It’s so lovely to see how confident Gloria Glover is these days. She used to be so scared of humans and would run away from them, now she goes to our humans for a fuss. Ken would be so proud of her, I hope he knows.

  11. It’s fuckin’ cold out there, -10C at Leeming in North fuckin’ Yorkshire this morning! After the fuckin’ snow and fuckin’ rain of yesterday there are warnings out for fuckin’ ICE!!

  12. Rolf report 15 Jan

    My campus mom Dr Claudia was prepping her virtual class. I was doing my pre-sleep ritual in my bed on her desk. I moved around so much she worried my bed would fall off the desk. Then I realised there was still food in my bowl & decided to eat instead.

    Rolf x

  13. It’s a huge problem that nations are failing to meet their climate- and ecological targets. The main problem however, is the fact that their targets are completely insufficient in the first place. We can’t solve a crisis without treating it like a crisis.

  14. Good morning, Toasty people. I know this is madness, but as soon as I wake up, every night, every day, I know it’s you I need, to take the blues away.

  15. Myself & substitute Cilla had a committee meeting. We decided that as I have had such a busy week, (and it’s cold outside) – I’ll be having a 4 day weekend & SC is going on pawtrol. She doesn’t have much to say but she’s diligent!

  16. I find it hilarious that someone called Kenneth keeps tagging me into tweets for his rants. I’m pretty sure he’s got the wrong person, not many times someone tweets world leaders, USA news outlets, US senators and then ME!

  17. One day of the soup left which is now quite mushy. May add a few more carrots just to make it crunchy. Regardless of the lockdown I won’t be going very far today!! A short walk and never more than 20 minutes from the smallest room!!

  18. That self satisfied smug look that you award yourself with when indeed you’ve managed to blag the 3rd breakfast early enough to be able to obtain elevenses!

  19. Just went on Facebook and seen someone’s done a home workout and uploaded pictures, not for me that. Watching telly in bed hungover waiting for maccys don’t need that type of negativity!

  20. I cried today at all the food bank donations. I couldn’t fit them all in my car. I’m so angry. How has it come to this? Why has this been normalised? We shouldn’t have to do this.

  21. why do people think its acceptable to stop someone whos jogging to ask for directions to the fucking aldi btw. i was hanging out of my fucking arse and trying not to piss myself while hes chasing me down the road bc i was pretending i cant hear him… & he was BALD!!

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