Andreaa’s Diary #3 (From Self-Isolation)

Posted by Andreaa Kurby on
Category: Andreaa's Diary73 Comments

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So Its Thursday && I Am Meant To Be Writin My Diary Bt What Do Ya Write When Ya Stuck In The House Bored.. The Highlight Of Me Week So Far Was Drivin Me Mum To The Asda To Get The Shoppin.. Kill Me Now!! I Am Bein Quite Good Though As I Hvent Even Seen Gary Cos He Has To Isolate In His Own House.. If We Stick To The New Tier 3 Rules We Arent Really Meant To See Each Other Even After The Fourteen Days.. When Ya In Tier 3 Ya Not Meant To Mix With Other People Who Dont Live In Ya House Bt I Think Ya Can Get Round That By Creatin A Support Bubble.. Two Single People Who Live Alone Can Create A Support Bubble It Says On The Website.. Or If Ya Live With Someone (Lyk Me Mum) Ya Can Create A Bubble As Long As The Other Person Ya Live With Doesnt Create A Bubble.. Oh F*Ck Off This Was Meant To Be Makin It Easy, Ya Need To Be A Solicitor To Understand This Load Of B*llocks!!

We Are Stickin To The Fourteen Day Self-Isolation After Our Holiday Cos They Can Come && Check On Ya && There Is A £1,000 Fine If They Catch Ya Breakin It, Bt After Tha They Can Get To F*ck.. The Pathetic Thing Is That One Rule Says Me && Gary Can Create A Bubble && Another Says Ya Can Only Create A Bubble && Meet Indoors && Stay Overnight If Ya Social Distance.. F*ckin Hell, Am Gonna Need A Bigger Bed Here!!

The Whole Thing Is Just Totally Pathetic.. I Might Invite Dominic Cummings Round Then I Can Do What The F*ck I Want..

Am Not Normally In Kirkby Durin The Day Cos Am In Work Bt This Past Week Has Taught Me Wha A Shithole It Is && Just How Bad Some Of The People Can Be.. I Hve Been Goin Out On Me Own To Walk The Dog && Seen The State Of Some Of The People.. They Must Of Been Dragged Up Some Of Them.. Me Mum Told Me To Be Careful Cos She Read In ‘The Challenge’ (Thats Our Local Free Newspaper) That Some Woman Was Attacked By Lads Who Tried To Pinch Her Pedigree Dog.. I Told Her That Luna Would Kill Anyone Who Tried To Grab Her Bt It Shows Ya How Bad Some Of The People Are.. Bt The Newspaper Does Make Me Wonder If They Make Half Of It Up.. The Liverpool Echo Is The Same.. Me Granddad Used To Read It When He Was Alive Bt We Dont Get It No More Cos It Is Shit && They Make Stories Up Half The Time..

The Echo Totally Hates Kirkby.. Ive Already Said That Half The People In Kirkby Are Knobheads, So Am Not Sayin That We Are Angels Cos Were Not, Bt Were Not As Bad As They Make Out.. Sometimes Some Good Stuff Happens In Kirkby Bt They Never Report It.. There Was A Prime Example A Couple Of Months Ago.. There Was A Shootin In Norris Green Which Is Nowhere Near Kirkby.. It Happened When Me && Me Mum Was Goin Shoppin Into Liverpool.. We Went Right Passed The Scene Of The Shootin && There Was Two Cop Cars && One Of Those Scenes Of Crime Investigator Vans.. Later On After We Had Been Shoppin We Come Back Home && Some Kids Had Found Part Of A Shotgun.. Not The Whole Gun, It Was Just The Barrel.. They Found It On Some Waste Land On Whitefield Drive Near Westvale In Kirkby.. Cos This Was In Kirkby, The Police Had Ten Police Cars && Two Of Those Big Matrix Police Vans.. There Were About 30 Coppers With Shovels && Metal Detectors Searchin To See If They Could Find The Rest Of The Shotgun In The Grass.. Then, For A Bit Of Fun, While They Were At It, They Decided To Raid The ‘Johnny Todd’ Pub Too Just For A Lark..

Ya Cant Blame Them Lyk, It Was Kirkby && Bein The Crime Of The Century They Probably All Wanted To Get Into The Newspaper Story About It.. I Mean, We Cant Hve Them Kirkby Sock Robbers Gettin Guns Can We??

We Even Had A Tornado A While Back && People Got Videos Of It On Their Phones && Everything.. It Was A Proper Tornado Lyk The Ones They Get In America — I Never Saw The Tornado Bt I Did See The Videos Of It On Youtube.. There It Was, A Full On Tornado Right Here In Our Little Towny.. They Even Had To Take That Away Frm Us Didnt They.. The Echo Said That The Met Office Told Them That It Wasnt A Tornado, It Was Just A Funnel Cloud.. Thats Lyk A Tornado Except It Doesnt Reach All The Way Down To The Ground.. The Echo Said That There Was Unlykly To Be Any Serious Damage Frm A Funnel Cloud..

Once Again They Wouldnt Even Let Us Hve Our Fifteen Minutes Of Fame.. They Just Hve To Take Everythin Off Us..

F*ck Off, The Lot Of Yas!!

Traa xx

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Andreaa Kurby

I Am Andreaa && I Am Havin A Boss Time Ere Writin On The Blog && Tha.. I Feel Proper Ashamed, The F*ckin State Of It.. Davidd Told Me If Ya Hav A Blog All Ya Have To Do Is Write Little Stories Abowt Ya Life Bt I Said No, I Cant Write Nothin.. I Neva Evn Passed Me GCSE English.. Bt He Bullies Me Yerno, So Me Stories Are Usually Shit..

73 Comments on “Andreaa’s Diary #3 (From Self-Isolation)”

  1. It could be worse. Tonight is the 33rd Anniversary of the 1987 Great Storm that destroyed half of the country and saw Michael Fish calling some woman daft for predicting it when the BBC said it was just going to be a little windy!

    1. ive lost 10 pounds and me fella told me to bin my jeans bc he was ashamed of me as he said there that baggy that i look like jim royle in them. wheres the encouragement & congratulations these days? ffs!

  2. Thanks for all the DM’s asking where we’ve been all month. Living like lords, unrestricted in Stockholm is the answer. If you think we are flying back for another one of your lockdowns in Birkenhead… THINK AGAIN!!

  3. Did you know that the next station down the line from me is called ‘Hagley’ and Hornby modelled their model railway bridges on the bridge that we have there.

  4. Mad facebook isn’t it. You could put a post up saying “missing dog, Stanley Road” and someone would comment… “shared Perth Australia”

    I doubt its got its self a passport, got a few Australian dollars and fucked off for a break!

  5. Rolf report 16 Oct

    This is the reality of leash walking with a cat. The cat is the navigator. The human has to go where the cat wants to go, at the speed that the cat wants to go at. If the cat wants to stop to take in the local sights & sounds, the human has to stop too.

    Rolf x

  6. Dorothy, Barbara and I met up for some snacks on Jeanette’s plot yesterday. I was really close to my Dumpling. I still can’t completely relax when she’s close, but I’m beginning to see that the smacking is much gentler than it used to be. Still a smack, but a gentle smack.

  7. “I shouldn’t be surprised if it hailed a good deal tomorrow,” said Eeyore. “Blizzards and what-not. Being fine today doesn’t Mean Anything.”
    “There’s Pooh!” said Christopher Robin, who didn’t much mind WHAT it did tomorrow, as long as he was out in it.

  8. If I have to cancel my socially distanced, very safe meal at Nutters I will be very, very pissed off Matt Hancock & Boris Johnson but it’s ok, I’ll go rub shoulders in Tesco with hundreds of strangers and buy my dinner there instead.


  9. Better put the kettle on for the Fat Controller. He’s still thawing out as he’s been at unmanned stations this morning reminding the school children they have to wear a face covering.

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