Andreaa’s Diary #4 (Still In Isolation)

Posted by Andreaa Kurby
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o, Am Still In Isolation Even Though No One Listens To Us.. Me && Me Mum Are Meant To Be In Quarantine Frm People Until Next Tuesday Bt No One Takes Any Notice.. Vicki Has Been Round With The Kids, So Has Dannielle && Gary Said He Couldnt Be Away Frm Me Any Longer So He Come Round Too.. It Doesnt Make Sense That Hes Not Around Though Cos He Was On Holiday With Us && If We Had Anythin So Would He.. The Only Person Who Hasnt Been Round Is Julia Because Her Son Ethan Has Asthma So It Would Be Bad If He Got The Rona Thingy.. We Hve Been Quite Good Though, Me && Me Mum, We Got The Shoppin Delivered Which Me Mum Hates Cos They Swap Half The Stuff For Shit.. I Hve Walked Luna Bt Ive Been Doin It Late At Night When No One Is About.. Even Me Nan Wanted To Come Round Bt Me Mum Told Her No She Is Old && The Rona Is Bad On Old People So Vicki Went && Saw Her Instead.. When Ya Read About People Who Are Stuck In Hospital For Months With The Rona Ya Realise Just How Bad That Can Bee Cos Am F*ckin Fed Up Lookin At The Wallpaper In Ours..

Anyway, Cos Hve Just Been Stuck In The House I Hve Got Nothin To Write About So I Thought I Would Tell Ya This Boss Story I Found On The Internet.. While We Was On Holiday It Was Liverpools Birthday.. No One Really Knows For Sure When Liverpool First Appeared Bt No One Hardly Mentions It Before 1207.. I Know That Because Of This Boss Story All About It.. There Might Hve Still Been A Liverpool Before That Bt It Was That Small It Wasnt Documented In Anythin That Was Official.. In The Doomsday Book, In 1087 Which William The Conqueror Had Done So That He Could Tax People With Land, Liverpool Is Not Even Mentioned.. There Is A Manor Of West Derby Which Might Be Somethin To Do With Liverpool, Because We Still Hve A West Derby In Liverpool Today, Bt That Is Only Guessing..

Somethin That Is Mad, Is That A Load Of Land Where Liverpool Now Is Was Given To Someone Called Warine Of Lancaster By Henry II As A Pressie.. Warine Was Henrys Falconer (That Might Be Why We Hve Liverbirds??).. Bein A Falconer Must Hve Been A Boss Job If They Give You A Pressie That Good.. The Thing Is, It Wasnt Called Liverpool At The Time, It Was Called Lurpul..

The Shit Hit The Fan In 1207 Though..

King John Already Owned The Manor Of Tokestath && Smeedon (Toxteth && Smithdown??) && Made A Huntin Park There In 1204.. He Decided To F*ck Warine Off && Take The Land Of Lurpul For Himself.. He Wanted To Build A Port For His Ships.. He Wanted Somewhere Where He Could Get Across To Ireland Quickly && Sort Out Any Trouble If The Irish Started Kickin Off.. The King Wanted To Use Chester Bt Some Cranky Earl, Didnt Lyk The King && So Stopped Him.. So If The King Had A Port In Lurpul, He Could Do What He Wanted Without The Earl Of Chester Stickin His Oar In..

Warine De Lancaster Was Dead By This Time Bt The King Gave His Son Some Compensation Of Land Somewhere Else..

So On 28th August 1207, King John Issued A Royal Charter That Created The New Borough Of Lurpul.. Part Of The Charter Invited People To Start Livin In Lurpul && If Ya Moved There Ya Didnt Hve To Pay As Much Taxes.. Davidd Said Thats Probably Why Ken Dodd Lived Here!! They Also Gave You Some Land To Live On Dead Cheap.. If Ya Look On The Side Of The Walker Art Gallery In Liverpool Today, There Is A Frieze Showin King John Givin The Royal Charter To The Steward Of West Derby.. The Charter Was Called The Letter Patent && Was Written In Latin Bt It Says:

“John, By The Grace Of God, King Of England, Lord Of Ireland, Duke Of Normandy && Aquitaine, Count Of Anjou, To All His Faithful People Who Hve Desired To Hve Burgages In The Township Of Lurpul, Greeting.. Know Ye That We Hve Granted To All Our Faithful People Who Hve Taken Burgages In Lurpul That They May Hve All The Liberties && Free Customs In The Township Of Lurpul Which Any Free Borough On The Sea Has In Our Land.. && Therefore We Command You That Securely && In Our Peace You Come There To Receive && Inhabit Our Burgages.. && In Witness Hereof We Transmit To You These Our Letters Patent.. Witness Simon De Pateshill At Winchester On The Twenty-Eighth Day Of August In The Ninth Year Of Our Reign..”

The Frieze On The Walker Art Gallery

The Frieze On The Walker Art Gallery.

The Original Document, That Was Written In 1207, Is Still In The Liverpool Records Office Today..

When King John Granted The Charter, He Told Lurpul To Create A New Town Plan.. So They Did A Plan Of What The New Borough Was Goin To Look Lyk.. In The Plan They Put The Main Seven Streets Which Are Still Here Today.. They Are Chapel Street, Water Street (Originaly Bank Street), High Street (Original Juggler Street), Dale Street, Tithebarn Street (Originally Moor Street), Old Hall Street (Originally Whiteacre Street) && Castle Street.. Castle Street Was Called That Because It Was Goin To Be The Place Where They Built A Castle.. All Those Roads Still Hve The Same Layout Today && Can Still Be Seen On Modern Maps..

Some Clever Arses Try To Say That When They Changed The Calenders Frm The Old Julian Calendar To The New Gregorian One, That All The Dates Got Mixed Up && That Really Liverpools Birthday Is On The 4th September.. Bt I Dont Think That Is True Because The Charter Was Signed By A King && Is Dated 28th Of August, So Ya Cant Argue With Tha!!

I Had To Take Me Shoes && Socks Off To Work This One Out, Bt I Reckon Liverpool Is 813 Years Old..

So Happy Birthday Liverpool && I Think I Will Hve A Bevy Tonight To Celebrate..

Traa xx

PS: The World Famous Liverbird Holds A Piece Of Seaweed In Its Mouth Because Of Liverpools Connection With The Sea, Bt It Wasnt Always Lyk Tha.. Originally It Was A Broom (A Shrub Which Looks Lyk Gorse) Because That Is The Symbol Of The Plantagenet Family Which King John Was From.. I Love Findin Out Old Stuff, Lyk History && Tha!!

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Andreaa Kurby

I Am Andreaa Kurby && I Am Havin A Boss Time Here Writing On The Blog && That Coz Davidd Is Proper Gettin Too Old To Write && It's Doin Me Wig In.. I Feel Proper Ashamed For Him, The Fu*kin State.. Davidd Told Me To Write Yas Little Stories About Me Life But I Said No, I Cant Write Stories. I Never Even Passed Me GCSE English.. But He Bullies Me Yerno, So Me Stories Are Usually Shite..

70 Comments on “Andreaa’s Diary #4 (Still In Isolation)”

  1. Shame it became the slave trading capital of Britain with Rodney Street being built specifically for slave merchants.

    But anyway big Happy Birthday Liverpool :roflao:

      1. Put the crackpipe down eh. As for my arse Im sure Lb could vouch for it being fine, but thanks for asking. Im guessing your one of those ‘white’ pigeon men so do me a flying favour and politely go pluck off.

  2. I still can’t believe there’s 4,000 tories in Walton yeno. Like where are they? How is there tories on County Road and Rice Lane? How? Why? Where do they bevy? Cause theres defo none in the fuckin Dunnys or the Vic.

  3. Thanks for letting us know Dave. That’s sadly what happens when the Elite core of the flock leave for a few weeks. Other birds cannot wait to move in on CH41.

  4. Delighted to announce our new treaty with the Isle of Man flock. Tensions have been rising since the stand off at Southport back in April, but both groups have agreed to move on and work together constructively in future. Paperwork signed this evening.

    1. The treaty is good news for Birkenhead and good news for the Isle of Man. We’ve a lot in common as both of our territories have a big seagull problem. We pledge to work together for the common good!

  5. I’ve been home 10 minutes, came in, been to kitchen, went upstairs, got changed, came back downstairs and my dog is still asleep! He would make a crap guard dog.

  6. My boss asked me if i was ever going to fix my car and I told him the ins money came when i needed it for something else. so he said, oh it’s good you had that money then! then he headed out the door to fly to his boat in the keys for two weeks.

  7. Tigger, who had been hiding behind trees and jumping out on Pooh’s shadow when it wasn’t looking, said that Tiggers were only bouncy before breakfast, and that as soon as they had had a few haycorns they became Quiet and Refined.

  8. Rolf report 23 Oct

    Warwick University is framed by woodland & meadows. It’s a heavenly place for a cat with a mission to explore. One of my favourite campus journeys is across the little bridge with blue rails. So many fascinating sights & smells. I love my campus life.

    Rolf x

  9. Happy Fish for tea Friday all. I sit behind the glass ticket office window like a furry fortune teller from fair grounds of old “cross my mitten with a little fishy & I’ll tell you what’s in store for you.”

  10. It’s been two years since ET had to have her ears taken off because she had cancer on them. A few years ago she wasn’t as friendly as she is now. Ears make a lot of difference, don’t they?

  11. We don’t need a royal family for anything. Tourists don’t come to see them because they aren’t allowed to right now. They come to see the palace. There is no need for a royal family in 2020 when people are starving.

  12. Cobweb managed to stretch out on the bed last night leaving my wife and I just 11 inches either side for us to try and get to sleep. Out of politeness I have not made any rude bedroom comments about 11 inches. Thank heavens my wife doesn’t tweet!

  13. Today’s maths is subtraction… I start with counting… about eleventy-three Dreamies… nom nom… a couple disappear… cronch cronch… I have… counting again… a few less… nom nom… counting with my teeth… and that leaves… just a pawful… do I get a gold star?

    On to a bit of division… a pile of Dreamies shared between one Cilla equals… ooh! they’re all mine! Yippee.

  14. If you needed any more proof that Larry is more popular than Boris here it is, Larry walked out of the front door of No10 and there were more camera clicks than when Boris left 10 mins later!!

  15. The people telling Rashford to “concentrate on football” are all just fat teenagers that have never kicked a ball in their life and cry to Mum that Christmas is ruined if they don’t get the new PlayStation.

  16. If you Don Not want people to say you are acting like Scum for refusing to give children access to food during School Holidays, Do Not act like scum and refuse to give children access to food during School Holidays.

    Scum advice there.

  17. Good afternoon to everyone apart from those who use a steak tenderiser hammer. Just admit you can`t manage thick cut steaks and have to flatten it. Also admit you buy sub standard steaks, probably from a long wheel base van on Bury market.

  18. Today school closes for the half-term. To all the school staff out there who’ve just had the strangest & hardest few months ever, thank you for all that you do, have a good break. Stay safe and take care.

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