Andreaa’s Diary #9

Posted by Andreaa Kurby on
Category: Andreaa's Diary55 Comments

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ILove Talkin To People.. I Think It Is Cos Am Nosey && Its The Best Way To Find Stuff Out.. Just Think Of All The People I Hve Told Ya About.. Its Lyk A Gossip Mongers Soap Opera On Here When Im About.. Ive Told Yas About Lorah, Harry && His Wife Elizbeth, Me Family, Me Pets; Luna && Dogg, Boyfriends && Ex-Boyfriends, Even About All The Nutters Around Liverpool.. One Person I Hve Not Told Yas About Is Pat.. I Suddenly Remembered Her The Other Day When I Took Luna For A Walk.. I Was Walkin Down Our Road Towards The Towny On Me Day Off && She Was Walkin Up Towards Me.. In Case Ya Forgot, Pat Is The Woman What Works In The Chippy.. Shes A Great Mate Cos She Used To Feed Me && Lorah When We Bunked Off School.. && Dogg Always Used To Go && See Her When He Was Off On His Missions && She Would Feed Him Too..

I Hvent Seen Her For Yonks && She Doesnt Know Luna.. Dogg Was A Street Dog, He Used To Go Out On His Own.. He Was Safe On His Own Cos I Think He Even Used To Look Both Ways Before He Crossed The Roads.. Someone Must Of Taught Him The Green-Cross Code Or Somethin.. Luna Only Goes Out With One Of Us Though Cos She Would Get Run Over.. Shes Got No Road Sense.. Pat Come Over && Said Hello && Was Askin About The New Dog.. I Told Pat That Shes Not New We Hve Had Her Since Dogg Died Bt That She Doesnt Go Out On Her Own So Thats Why Pat Doesnt Know Her.. We Was Near The Park So I Said Why Dont Ya Come && Play With Luna && We Can Hve A Catch Up In The Park.. So We Went In The Park && Was Throwin Her Ball For Her && Me && Pat Was Chattin Away.. She Was Complainin That She Is Feelin Old && To Be Honest I Think She Must Be About 70..

Pat Is Irish && She Told Me Once Before That She Come Over To England Back In The 1960s.. There Was No Work In Ireland && Loads Of Irish People Got The Ferry Boat Over To England To Find Work.. Thats Where The Phrase, “Straight Off The Boat,” Came Frm.. She Got Off The Boat Down At The Pier Head All Alone && She Didnt Even Know Anyone Over Here.. She Said She Hated The Place At First Cos There Was Loads Of Drunks In Ireland Bt Liverpool Was Ten Times Worse.. She Said That Everywhere She Went Frm The Pier Head To The House She Was Stayin At There Were People Lyin In The Gutters && On Benchs && Everywhere.. The Bus Terminal Used To Be Down At The Pier Head In Them Days && Even When She Got On The Bus There Was People Lyin There Who Hadnt Got Off The Bus When It Arrived && Were Just About To Leave On It Again.. They Was In A Coma She Reckoned..

Pat Said She Had Never Seen So Many Drunks Bt It Wasnt Until The Next Day That She Found Out The Reason There Was So Many Drunks Was Cos It Was 1966 && England Had Just Won The World Cup!!

When She Got To The Guest House She Was Stayin In Someone Told Her That If She Was Lookin For A Job The Best Place To Go Would Be Runcorn, Widnes, Kirkby Or Skelm, Cos They Had Just Been Built Then && Everythin Was New.. She Picked Kirkby Cos It Sounded Lyk Kildare Where She Had Come Frm In Ireland.. She Went Round All The Shops, Cafes && Factories && Literally Knocked On The Door && Asked If They Had Any Jobs Goin.. None Of This Lookin On The Internet.. She Walked Into The Chippy In The Towny && Asked Ken The Owner If There Was Any Jobs Goin.. He Said Yea && 54 Years Later She Owns The Chippy!!

She Took It Over When The Old Owner Died.. I Think The Chippy Is Still Called Kens Bt Even When He Was Still Alive Everyone Called It Pats.. Theres A Joke Round Ours That People Get In Frm Work && Ask The Wife What They Havin For Tea && The Wife Says No Idea, Pats Cookin Tonight — In Other Words, Theyre Goin The Chippy..

Just Worked It Out That If She Was Say Twenty-One When She Come Over On The Ferry, Then She Must Be About Seventy-Five Now.. Everyone In Kirkby Knows Her Bt When She Got Off That Ferry Boat Over Fifty Years Ago She Knew No One.. Shes Known Me Mum Since Before I Was Even Born && Still Says What An Ace Fella Me Granddad Was.. She Still Works In The Chippy Until About Midnight && Then Walks Home In The Dark On Her Own, Probably With The Takings Frm The Chippy In Her Bag.. No One Would Dare Rob Pat, Though..

Theyre Lives Wouldnt Be Worth Livin If They Did..

Traa xx

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Posted By

Andreaa Kurby

I Am Andreaa && I Am Havin A Boss Time Ere Writin On The Blog && Tha.. I Feel Proper Ashamed, The F*ckin State Of It.. Davidd Told Me If Ya Hav A Blog All Ya Have To Do Is Write Little Stories Abowt Ya Life Bt I Said No, I Cant Write Nothin.. I Neva Evn Passed Me GCSE English.. Bt He Bullies Me Yerno, So Me Stories Are Usually Shit..


55 Comments on “Andreaa’s Diary #9”

  1. Just to be clear for all you thickos out there…

    If you sit in a pub with a pint of beer, #coronavirus will get you

    If you sit in a pub with a pint of beer and a Cornish Pasty, you’re safe

    Conclusion. Fuck the vaccine… issue everyone with a Ginsters!

  2. Having to self-isolate…

    Not bad so far. Dave’s dropped some shopping off. Hoping to establish a little arse groove in the chair. Barb’s started watching the Crown. Load of old shite.

  3. See that fella that says “You got a spare fag mate?” Yeah I have actually because when I bought a pack of 20 I knew I’d only want 19 of them before I buy more!!!

    He’s a scrounging Kunt!!!

  4. RIP Uncle Brad – famous across Birkenhead for pecking the lava from a broken lava lamp out the back of Upton Argos to win a £5 bet. Funeral on Monday – no flowers please just cash donations. DM us for BACs details.

  5. Bing – Bong… Ladies & Gentleman, this is how I have become so proficient with my station announcements. One finds that practice makes perfect…

    ITS FISH FOR TEA FRIDAY TOO!!!

    Wishing you all a wonderful day.

  6. My ear hurts. A lot.

    If I hold my nose and blow the dog looks at me with that sideways head look which I can only assume means the hole in my eardrum is mostly blocked and making some weird ass high pitched whistling noise.

  7. Red Fred and I were enjoying our Dreamies when another human told our human that she had given us too many. How can there be TOO MANY Dreamies? I don’t understand this. Is she supposed to count them? Maybe if I tell her that crunching is good for our teeth? We’re worried now.

  8. A funny feeling began to creep all over him. It began at the tip of his nose and trickled all through him and out at the soles of his feet. It was just as if somebody inside him were saying, “Now then, Pooh, time for a little something.”

  9. Rolf report 27 Nov

    On today’s campus patrol you could see how dedicated I was to my duties: head down, alert, moving at pace. Often so focused, I didn’t want to stop to make new friends: places to go, trees & buildings to inspect.

    Rolf x

  10. Thick as shit Tory MP Tobias Ellwood argues for tier1 for Bournemouth because hospitality is suffering.

    But also wants national 10 mile limit on travel.

    So where are people going to come from to fill the thousands of Bournemouth hotels?

    Twat!

  11. Sir Cliff Richard says you won’t find any Black Friday deals on his official online merchandise store.

    “Either pay full price or fuck off,” he snarled.

  12. Hard hitting and tense Zoom call on Covid Tiers with the UK Pigeon Council Special Committee today. Pyscho now claiming to be in tier 100 and York Mad Dog madder than at any time since the council cleaners swept up a Filet O Fish right in front of him.

  13. After hearing that Amazon are paying Christmas bonuses to their staff Hermes have announced that for each successful delivery made they will pay their drivers an extra 25p.

    They are expecting to pay out around £4.00 each.

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