Am sittin in the office in work && the phone goes .. i answer it && this woman is on the phone && ya know the way you just know someone is going to be a pain in the arse, well this is her .. She tells me that she was in our shop the day before && bought a large pack of bacon so she could have a bacon butty for her lunch every day .. when she got it home she noticed that the sell by date was that day so she cant use it .. i explained to her that we do sell stock off at reduced prices if the sell by is that day like most other shops do but if we have missed one on the shelf then i am sorry but if you keep the bacon && the receipt until you next come into town then we will give you a refund .. the woman then complained that she didnt want to keep mouldy old bacon in her fridge && i told her that it wont be mouldy && it is in a air-tight packet anyway .. so just hang on to it && the receipt && we will refund it for you.
Yous all know about my family .. i think i have mentioned them all over all my shows .. the only person i dont think i have told yous about is my dad .. of us kids, julia is the oldest, then our vicki, then danielle && then a long way behind is little old me .. not long after i was born me dad left me mum && i never met him until i was older .. i used to ask me mum about him all the time but she never really said anything except that he was a bastid who never did anything for any of us .. he never paid me mum any money towards any of us && me mum being the big soft arse that she is she never chased him because she just wanted him out of the picture .. his brother, my uncle, was great && always used to send me cards && stuff at christmas && birthdays .. at first i didnt know who he was because he never used the family name && the cards && pressies were always addressed from Prince Bertie Von Württemberg .. me mum told me who he was but i didnt really know wot to make of him.
Ithink it was Ray who asked who was i going to be picking on this week && the answer is me mum .. First it was jay, then it was me area manager && now it is me mum who can feel my wrath as Ray puts it .. First of all i better tell you that my mum isn’t a well person .. she suffers from alkinds; fibromyalgia which makes her feel tired all the time && gives her loads of pain .. some days she cant even get out of bed .. she also has thyroid problems which changes from week to week .. sometimes she is tired, her weight goes up && down, she has muscle pain && weakness && it can also make her feel depressed .. Then she has depression, which obviously makes her feel sad && depressed .. The problem with those three things is they overlap .. If she is having pain in her muscles the doctors dont know if it is because of the fibromyalgia or her thyroidism .. If she is feeling depressed they don’t know if it is her depression or because of her thyroidism .. the poor quacks dont know how to treat the symptoms because they dont know wot is causing wot .. it can be a right pain [sic].
Soon as i sort one lunatic out ive got another one to deal with – our area manager .. she called in this week && first words out of her mouth is has that lad litter patrolled the car park?? I told her i didnt know because the day before was my day off but i would find out && make sure it was done in the future .. Shes one of them women who just cant say anything nice at all to ya .. Next thing she starts off at me ‘cos i have got three of the girls from work on me facebook .. She said we dont come to work to make friends && i should remove them straight away .. i thought the nosey cow, she has only found out they are on there because she has been nosing at me profile .. i didnt want to delete them so i got Davidd to lock down me settings so that no one can see friends, pictures, statuses or any details about me unless they are friends with me .. I told the three girls in work who i have as friends to say i had deleted them if she asks..
After what happend last time when jay caught me && gary holding hands i didnt hear from him for a few days .. i was enjoying the peace && quite to be honest with ya .. i did feel a bit guilty because if that was me i would have felt awful but there really was nothing in it .. it was just two mates out walking the dog who happened to be holding hands .. but i was just too tired to try && explain or to argue and… well just fuck the drama i didnt want to know .. as always he was chatting shit with anyone who would listen to him .. His dads boyfriend was texting me, his dad was texting me, me mum was asking who i was holding hands with && i hadn’t told her anything .. even our vicki had loads of questions when she called at ours .. ive never known why he can talk to everyone else, even my family members, but he just wont say anything to me .. i told his dad && his boyfriend that jay had finished with me via whatsapp so there was nothing more to be said && told me mum && our vicki to not reply to him .. if he had anything to say, let him say it to me.
So for the last two weeks Jay has been texting && basically saying that he has had a good think && he wants to get back together. He says that he has learned his lesson && he said he accepts that he needs to grow up .. i said that i don’t want him back at the moment && may not ever want him back because life is so peaceful without all the shit that goes with having him around .. Work is still stressful but at least i can unwind when i get home .. the only downer is that i have to walk the dog which jay usually does but with the weather being good i am even enjoying that .. For his part, jay is being all sweetness && light in texts && when he phones me but i really dont want him any closer than that right now .. we decided to have a break && it was a good idea .. As far as i am concerned it is just that a break — i have not said we are finished && i am just taking each day as it comes && trying to be adult about the whole thing.
Just as I get rid of one person to argue with I get two to take his place .. The first one is our charlie who is me cousin && because shes the one person in the family who is the same age as me she was me best friend right through skool && she is a manageress at Kwik-e-Mart && helped me get a job with them back in the day .. She has lived with her boyfriend for a couple of years && haven’t got married because they wanted to save up && have like a really big, posh wedding .. This was all before the virus come along && ruined all her plans .. For some reason she invited us all to her wedding but family who had younger kids then the kids were not invited .. Our Danielle for example, she invited her, her fella && Alisha who is fourteen but not the two boys who are toddlers .. I can understand why she did it, she didn’t want little rugrats screaming around the church && the reception ruining her big day — i get that .. The problem is: who was going to look after all the little kids in the family .. So me && me mum come up with a cunning plan, she would go in the daytime to the church && the reception && I would go to the nighttime .. That way we could look after all the little kids who weren’t invited between the two of us..