Lestly In The Hizzouse #25

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Category: Lester's Column34 Comments

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Iknow Davidd says that Jammy Toast doesn’t do politics and so I run the risk of having this turned down for posting – again – but I think I should send it anyway. Besides, it is only political in that I am accusing them of all being as bad as each other. In fact, I am of the political ideology that says, “The desire to become a politician should be enough to ban you from ever becoming one.” Every politician I have ever heard always climbs on their soap box and tells you what they can do for the world. How they are going to make it better and if they get into office you will want for nothing. What a lying bunch of inbred bastards. Why would anyone want to become a politician when they can earn much more money working in the real world? Answer; they have found a way to cheat their way into earning even more through backhanders and under the table, that is how. Let me tell you what has brought me to this conclusion…

Lestly In The Hizzouse #24

Posted by Lester B. on
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Growing up as a child my Mom was always overly-critical of everything I did. Nothing was ever good enough, according to her I was slap-dash and would never take care over anything I did. I guess looking back, she poured all of her hopes and desires into me because I was an only child. If I didn’t get things right then there was no one else to follow me. I think that is perhaps how she looked at things as far as her one and only, doted upon child was concerned. My Pop just went along for the ride. He was never that strong-willed where it came to Mom. Whatever she said basically went – especially where I was concerned.

Lestly In The Hizzouse #23

Posted by Lester B. on
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Iwas brought up in a house full of Elvis Presley music. My mother was a great fan of his and had all his albums and all his films on video. When Elvis was still alive my father used to treat my mother on birthdays by taking her to Las Vegas and watching him in concert at the Las Vegas International Hotel. Our house was full of pictures and posters of Elvis to the point where I think she had more pictures of him around the place than she did of me and my father combined. I remember asking her once when I was a child who she loved more, Elvis or my father. She refused to answer saying it was a silly question because of course she loved my father. I think she dodged the question on that one.

Lestly In The Hizzouse #22

Posted by Lester B. on
Category: Lester's Column51 Comments

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Lester & Natalie, the murderers!

Last month I told you about how Natalie and I came to be living together and how we stole her ex-boyfriend’s cat. What I didn’t tell you was the reaction of her ex-boyfriend to losing his beloved cat. His name was Craig and he was livid with both of us. Luckily, I lived right across town from him and he had no idea where it was that I lived. We were safe… or so I thought. I told Nat to change her cell number so that he had no way of contacting her but she didn’t want the inconvenience of having to let all her family and friends know the new number and changing her contact details on everything. Craig bombarded her with calls and SMS messages.

Lestly In The Hizzouse #21

Posted by Lester B. on
Category: Lester's Column39 Comments

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Cleopatra and her human.

Thanks for some of the kind comments people gave me after last month’s post. Chimpton wanted a part two to the story but unfortunately there was not much more to add. Following the incident in the parking lot the last thing I wanted to do was face the lovely Yvonne again. I avoided reception that evening and then checked out early the next morning when she wasn’t there. I have never returned to Martha’s Vineyard and it is written in red ink on my list of places never to return to. In fact, if anyone wants to bomb the whole island off the face of the earth you won’t find me complaining but give the islanders a bit of notice so they can get off the island first… except for Yvonne of course!

Lestly In The Hizzouse #20

Posted by Lester B. on
Category: Lester's Column41 Comments

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Ihave a bit of a dilemma this month because my flat-mate Natalie has not been out which means I have not watched any whacko films to tell you about. So what do I write about? I have to confess my favourite reads on Jammy Toast are Andreaa, Lisa and Pot Noodle. The one thing they all have in common is that they just spiel things off which happen to them day-to-day. Perhaps I should take a leaf out of their books? So here goes, this month I am going to tell you about the most embarrassing episode in my life that even as I think about it today, I cringe. If any of you think you can out-cringe me then please feel free to regale us in the comments, but meanwhile here goes…

Lestly In The Hizzouse #19

Posted by Lester B. on
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Hello this is Lestly and it is your favourite time of the month again… Storytime. So last time I got into the grown up movies but I sort of have a hankering for Disney so this time it is back to the kid’s stuff. Have you ever seen the film of Pinocchio? It starts out with this old guy with a moustache called Mister Geppetto who lives alone with his cat and he carves little children out of blocks of wood, which is not creepy at all. Anyway Blue Fairy shows up and turns one of those blocks of children into a live block of wood named Pinocchio who is a little boy. Then she appoints a cricket to be his moral compass because that makes a lot of sense.