Bear News #37

Posted by Lord Bearkeeper OBE DASc on
Category: Bear News/Update, From Renault Bears, Grannyisms47 Comments

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Over the years, The Bear Sanctuary has saved many Bears from an uncertain future. We have Bears from all over the country and one or two from overseas. We have a couple of brothers and we have a brother and sister but we have never had twins, until now!

Derek from Pontefract in Yorkshire has been in touch to say he has twin brother Renault Bears who have been living with him for a few years now. Derek says they have been happy living with his family but now that the kids have grown up and Derek and his wife are out at work all day they get very lonely. Unbelievably, Derek’s wife will not even allow them to have the telly on during the day because of safety concerns. Therefore, he would like to find them a new home where they can both stay together and be happy.

We have been in touch with Derek and told him we would love to have the twins come and join us and they can have all the daytime telly they like with us. Granny will be here to supervise them and Ashley can keep them fed with their favourite Jammy Toast. They will also have 24 hour a day access to the internet, which is vitally important in the mental development of Renault Bears.

Derek did seem impressed with how thorough we are at the Bear Sanctuary so hopefully, the twins will be joining us shortly. Watch this space for developments.

We have had a few requests for more Granny Stories. We recently featured some of the daily turmoil Granny causes through her forgetfulness, and people have been asking for more. We have asked Granny if she would consider starting a Blog of her own. She refused our request and said we were all unkind for laughing at her. She would probably forget she had a blog anyway!

Here are a couple of Granny stories to be going on with…

  • The woman over the road was on her front yesterday smoking a cigarette. Granny spotted her and said she does not usually smoke that much. In Granny’s mind, she was sucking away for grim-death so she must be stressed or depressed. Having the devil in me, I suggested Granny go out to try to cheer her up. Unfortunately, granny was busy at the time preparing ninety-seven Sunday dinners for the Bears. Stressed and depressed? That poor neighbour does not realise what a close escape she had!
  • Granny asked me yesterday who had won the England football match. I told her that England had beaten Japan 2-1 but that Japan had scored all three goals. A look of puzzlement came over her face as she wandered away. Twenty minutes later she returned and said, “Don’t laugh at me, but how can England win if Japan scored all three goals?” Poor Granny had been working her brain to a frazzle trying to work it out. I was too busy picking myself up off the floor to answer, so I left her in the capable hands of Edward, who was last seen trying to explain all about “Home Goals” to Granny. It is a good job Edward is such a patient Bear.

While we are sure everyone is enjoying the Bank Holiday and half term from school, just spare a thought for The Bears. The Bears hate the holidays because Jeremy Kyle is always a repeat!

Hope you are all having a great week off and remember, let’s be careful out there!

About the Author

Lord Bearkeeper OBE DASc

A sad and lonely old man who used to have a life but it has now been taken over by his dedication to the cause of saving Renault Bears, running Jammy Toast and searching eBay, car boot sales, charity shops, lofts and even under beds for his beloved bears. He has even now taken in Flat Eric to save him from homelessness – his life is no longer his own!

47 Comments on “Bear News #37”

  1. 8Years Today Nan, Always Thinking About You Angel. Hope ii Make You Proud 1 day! Sleeptight beautifull – miss you so muchh, love you alot more </3! Xxxxxxx

  2. ‘curly little things quavers, and no two are the same. some twistier. some that wrap around your tongue, but there all crunchy and melty and pleasingly cheesy’ lol

  3. There once was a man called joe .. who had a funny shaped toe .. he woke up one morning to his dog eating his shoe so he skinned the little fucker and sold it to the pikeys down the road who then boiled it and ate it .. thank you please.

  4. Wow!! What A Messy Weekend :) Now Only 4 Days Of Work Til Fusion On Saturday The 5th At Opera House!! C’mon Lets Get Off It! SPAIN NEXT WEEKEND TOO!! Shiiit The God Damn Bed!! <3

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