As we have told you all before, from time to time Razzi and I head off to the Land of The Early to Bed to collect or drop off a car. We call it that because we once stayed there and the whole place closed down at 8pm and went to bed; including all the chippies, off licenses – in fact, you name it and it was closed by 8pm. That is Ripon for you. Today we returned to the general area but a little further along the M62 towards Leeds. I don’t know about RIPPON, we would like to re-christen that place RIPOFF or The Land of the Two Quid Lucozade. Furthermore, when we say we purchased a bottle, we do not mean a monstrous two litre jobby with enough Lucozade to drown in – we are talking about the smallest bottle you can buy which usually retails for around 99p. At Leeds Railway Station they sell the same bottle for TWO QUID!
Those of you who have been following Jammy Toast for any length of time will know that Razzi and I have to deliver and collect cars from Ripon in Yorkshire every so often. The first time we went to collect a car we stayed overnight in a hotel and discovered that everyone goes to bed at 8pm and all the chippies close at that ungodly hour. Even the youngsters are in off the streets by that time. It is like a scene from an old western when the outlaw rides into town and the mothers rush out into the street to collect the children. Maybe Ripon suffers from a Zombie Apocalypse after eight, who knows, all we know is that the place is dead after eight.
Today has seen Razzi and I make a return journey to the Land of The Early to Bed – Yorkshire – to pick up our new car. Our friends of longer standing may remember that we make our pilgrimage to Yorkshire around November each year to pick up a new car. The first time we went, in 2011, we discovered the whole county had gone to bed. It appears that in Yorkshire there is nothing to do after 8pm so everything shuts down and everyone goes to bed. The only things that stay open after 8pm are the pubs – they must have a specially extended licence or something.
Today has seen Razzi and I make a return visit to Ripon to exchange our car for a new Audi. While we were pleased to be getting the new car, we were filled with mixed feelings after our last visit to the “dark side”. Those of you with long memories may well remember that last time we visited the land of the early to bed we were none too impressed. For starters everything closes at 8pm and we came back riddled with Yorkshire bugs. Hopefully this time, with us only being there for a couple of hours, we will be luckier – or perhaps we will catch the bubonic plague.
This week as a family we went out for our annual Christmas gathering, that being four of us at an all you can eat buffet! The Queen ate enough to feed a camp of six and my other sister was chowing down as though she hadn’t been fed in days. They had two plates of hot food followed by two plates of pudding and decided after those they would start the process all over again. At this point I was feeling a little queasy and decided not to join in the family tradition of stuffing yourself silly until you burst.
Hello everyone, Razzi and I are back from our journey to the dark side. A word of advice to anyone who ever has to visit Ripon – DON’T – or at least don’t go via National Express. When I booked our tickets I wondered why the time-table stated 10:15am and when I clicked on the “Travel Later” button there wasn’t a later coach available. That is because it took us NINE HOURS. The coach travels via every tin-pot place in the country and stops for an hour at each, plus two hours in Manchester.
Bearkeeper Linzi needed cutting free from a car by Merseyside Fire & Rescue last night after her latest Driving Lesson went a little wrong. Linzi has been struggling with her left turn recently but even Examiner Paul didn’t expect her to get it this wrong. The Fire & Rescue guys had to cut the roof off the car and get Linzi out of the car on a spinal board.