Our Granny #29

Posted by Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc on
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Imay have mentioned this before but our Granny is a bit heavy-handed with the old Dysons. I use the word “old” as a euphemism because any Dyson we ever own never actually becomes old here at Jammy Toast. We have only gone through three so far this year and today Granny has been out and bought another one. We have to have one for upstairs, one for downstairs and one for the stairs themselves… and don’t forget the animal one – we do have a few bears here at Jammy Toast and they do shed fur at this time of years. However, as is usually the case with Granny, buying a new Dyson is not as straight forward as it sounds. She actually had a little sneak out of the house when she thought no one was looking but I caught sight of her trying to close the front door quietly and knew damn well where she was going.

Our Granny #28

Posted by Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc on
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On Friday mornings, Granny does her weekly impersonation of Paddington Bear. She gets her shopping trolley on wheels and heads along to Iceland to get a few bits and pieces. Normal procedure is to take her trolley, leave it at the front of the shop in a kind of Trolley Park area and get her shopping, pay for it at the till, transfer it to her trolley and head for home. Surely even Granny can’t go that far wrong with that little procedure. Nice and simple, the way Granny can cope with things.

Granny’s Soul Mate Heads For Rome

Posted by Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc on
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Luigi’s car flattens road sign for Rom.

Here at Jammy Toast we are used to Granny performing all manner of weirdness and we don’t really bat an eyelid these days – she’s usually done it all before. However, one story caught our eye recently which made us realise there are other versions of Granny out there – or even Grandpas. Luigi Rimonti is an 81 year old Italian who has lived in Newcastle since 1965 and decided he wanted to make a return to his home country and make a pilgrimage to the Vatican. The only fly in the ointment was the fact he hates flying.

Granny And The Phone Apps

Posted by Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc on
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Ican’t claim the credit for this post because it is here thanks to Twitter users. There was a #PhoneAppsForTheElderly the other day and of course it immediately caught my eye. The more I read the more I thought they were designed for Granny. In an ideal world, I could give Granny the hashtag and she could look at them herself but Twitter is too confusing for her. She doesn’t understand what all these atsigns and hashtags are – it’s like a foreign language she says. I’ve tried explaining how simple Twitter is but it’s like teaching a six year old nuclear physics. She actually has Facebook but she doesn’t even understand that! So here are a few of my favourite Apps for The Elderly as suggested by Twitter users…

Our Granny #27

Posted by Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc on
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Granny wakes up in bed on Sunday morning and can hear the bird tweeting away on the roof over the road. He often decides it is time for people to get up long before they would rather get out of bed. He sings his very loud songs to remind people that, in his opinion, it is time to get out of bed. It is still early but once Granny is awake there is no turning back. She gets up, does her morning ablutions and heads downstairs to face the day. First job is to let Rico Rescue Dog out and then gets a glass of water to take her tablets. Granny has one of those clever containers for her tablets with the days of the week marked off so you know whether you have taken that days tablets or not. Saturday’s tablets are still in the box. “Hell’s bells and buckets of blood,” granny announces to the world as she realises she has forgotten to take her tablets yesterday.

Our Granny #26

Posted by Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc on
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So the other day I am having a nose around on Twitter to see what is happening in the world. I often find that you gain more relevant information from the social media site than you do from any news outlet. See how Chimpy Chimpton is getting on with her Morris Dancing and catch up on Lorah’s latest ban for using hate speech. It is all fascinating stuff and then I saw it. The best news of the day released by ITV to say that Anna Friel is soon to be seen back on our screens as Marcella. A third series is soon to be seen on ITV and this time Marchella is on a one woman mission. Best news of the day and I couldn’t wait to tell Granny because at the time it was shown she said it was the best drama she had ever seen.

Our Granny #25

Posted by Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc on
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Ithink we have mentioned a few times previously about Granny’s exploits with technology and everything online. This is a bit of a shame really because Granny likes to do a bit of online shopping and is the scourge of Iceland, Tesco, Asda, Sainsbury’s and Argos. She doesn’t stick to one shopping outlet, instead she likes to spread her devastation around. Needless to say, when things go wrong it is never Granny’s fault but is just stupid technology. Even more annoying is when you show her how to do something after she has messed it up she always comes back with the remark, “Well it never did that for me!”