Granny’s Soul Mate Heads For Rome

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Luigi’s car flattens road sign for Rom.

Here at Jammy Toast we are used to Granny performing all manner of weirdness and we don’t really bat an eyelid these days – she’s usually done it all before. However, one story caught our eye recently which made us realise there are other versions of Granny out there – or even Grandpas. Luigi Rimonti is an 81 year old Italian who has lived in Newcastle since 1965 and decided he wanted to make a return to his home country and make a pilgrimage to the Vatican. The only fly in the ointment was the fact he hates flying.

Granny And The Phone Apps

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Ican’t claim the credit for this post because it is here thanks to Twitter users. There was a #PhoneAppsForTheElderly the other day and of course it immediately caught my eye. The more I read the more I thought they were designed for Granny. In an ideal world, I could give Granny the hashtag and she could look at them herself but Twitter is too confusing for her. She doesn’t understand what all these atsigns and hashtags are – it’s like a foreign language she says. I’ve tried explaining how simple Twitter is but it’s like teaching a six year old nuclear physics. She actually has Facebook but she doesn’t even understand that! So here are a few of my favourite Apps for The Elderly as suggested by Twitter users…

Our Granny #27

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Granny wakes up in bed on Sunday morning and can hear the bird tweeting away on the roof over the road. He often decides it is time for people to get up long before they would rather get out of bed. He sings his very loud songs to remind people that, in his opinion, it is time to get out of bed. It is still early but once Granny is awake there is no turning back. She gets up, does her morning ablutions and heads downstairs to face the day. First job is to let Rico Rescue Dog out and then gets a glass of water to take her tablets. Granny has one of those clever containers for her tablets with the days of the week marked off so you know whether you have taken that days tablets or not. Saturday’s tablets are still in the box. “Hell’s bells and buckets of blood,” granny announces to the world as she realises she has forgotten to take her tablets yesterday.

Our Granny #26

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So the other day I am having a nose around on Twitter to see what is happening in the world. I often find that you gain more relevant information from the social media site than you do from any news outlet. See how Chimpy Chimpton is getting on with her Morris Dancing and catch up on Lorah’s latest ban for using hate speech. It is all fascinating stuff and then I saw it. The best news of the day released by ITV to say that Anna Friel is soon to be seen back on our screens as Marcella. A third series is soon to be seen on ITV and this time Marchella is on a one woman mission. Best news of the day and I couldn’t wait to tell Granny because at the time it was shown she said it was the best drama she had ever seen.

Our Granny #25

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Ithink we have mentioned a few times previously about Granny’s exploits with technology and everything online. This is a bit of a shame really because Granny likes to do a bit of online shopping and is the scourge of Iceland, Tesco, Asda, Sainsbury’s and Argos. She doesn’t stick to one shopping outlet, instead she likes to spread her devastation around. Needless to say, when things go wrong it is never Granny’s fault but is just stupid technology. Even more annoying is when you show her how to do something after she has messed it up she always comes back with the remark, “Well it never did that for me!”

Our Granny #24

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Granny’s days are pretty much regulated and everything runs to a strict order. She usually gets up, has her breakfast, gets a few jobs done and has to be finished in time for Jeremy Kyle, Good Morning, Loose Women and Judge Rinder – not to mention Tipping Point and The Chase. So the other morning she got up and had breakfast and finished off one or two jobs – time to watch Jeremy Kyle. Unfortunately Jeremy was nowhere to be seen – Good Morning Britain was still on. Granny was filled with dread as she feared something had happened somewhere in the world and Good Morning Britain was staying on air later than customary to cover the catastrophe.

Our Granny At Christmas

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Itold everyone the other week that we wouldn’t be able to post a Granny story this month because she has been on her best behaviour. She has not been committing any Grannyisms, either that or she has been using stealth methods to hide her mishaps. That has all changed in the last couple of days so we are now in a position to post a special Granny at Christmas story for you all. It is worth mentioning though, that Granny tried to keep these two mishaps from Jammy Toast but couldn’t and then has used threatening behaviour towards us if we “snitch”.