Hello this is Lestly and it is your favourite time of the month again… Storytime. So last time I got into the grown up movies but I sort of have a hankering for Disney so this time it is back to the kid’s stuff. Have you ever seen the film of Pinocchio? It starts out with this old guy with a moustache called Mister Geppetto who lives alone with his cat and he carves little children out of blocks of wood, which is not creepy at all. Anyway Blue Fairy shows up and turns one of those blocks of children into a live block of wood named Pinocchio who is a little boy. Then she appoints a cricket to be his moral compass because that makes a lot of sense.
Last time I got some stick for being a grown man who watches Disney movies, so I thought I would show you how butch I really am and watch a bad-ass zombie killing-spree. Holy fucking shit was that a mistake. Nat was out and I had to turn on every light in the apartment to save me from getting eaten by some zombies lurking nearby. This was some scary shit especially for an old black and white 1960s movie. I don’t know how many of you guys have seen Night of The Living Dead but it’s meant to be a classic. If you haven’t seen it, let me tell you it’s like The Walking Dead but there are more zombies and less crying.
Hi, I’m Lestly and Nat is out again and so I am left all alone to find my own entertainment for the night. I love watching films, the popcorn has popped and so here is one called Moana. It is based on the Polynesian island of Motunui where the inhabitants worship Te Fiti, who brought life to the ocean, using a pounamu stone as her heart and the source of her power. Maui, the shapeshifting demigod and master of sailing, steals the heart to give humanity the power of creation. The film is like Hunter S Thompson meets Jimmy Buffet on acid.
Okay so I figured that two Sharknado movies was enough for anyone to endure so when Natalie went out the other night I was at a loss for what to watch. So I’m looking through the TV Guide when I notice they have a re-run of Back To The Future. The only problem with this is that I had never seen it in the first place but I had heard some good reports and it had to be better than Sharknado. So basically, Back To The Future stars the bad guy from Who Framed Roger Rabbit as Doc Brown and the guy who is too short to be in any of the Hobbit movies as Marty McFly.
After watching and falling in love with the first Sharknado movie and the whole concept of flying sharks, I couldn’t wait to see the second instalment on SyFy. According to the title it is called Sharknado 2: The Second One, which kind of makes you wonder how long they spent thinking that one up. Anyway, the film starts off with Fin and Tara Reid on a plane to New York for a book signing. Believe it or not, the planes being flown by the guy from the first two Airplane movies. I wasn’t really very comfortable with him as the pilot because I have seen those two movies and he’s not very good at flying anything. My fears were cast aside though because he is sucked out of the cockpit very early on in the film.
The other night, I’m sitting in all alone nothing to do and pretty bored. Natalie is out so I have the place to myself but nothing to do, so I turn on SyFy for some entertainment. Holy Shit they have this movie starting called Sharknado: Enough Said as part of their “Shark Week” set of programmes. Now I didn’t even like sharks when they were swimming around Amity Island and bugging Roy Schneider and Richard Dreyfuss – but now they’re airborne because of Global Warming!
Ireally meant to do this in time for Christmas but I never got round to it, but let me tell you I am totally confused. Even more confused than I am about this guy in the red suit who calls round every year, dropping shit off and eating my cookies just so Natalie can annoy me the next morning with presents she has received. He’s probably an ex who she gave a blowjob to at some point. So anyway, it all started off about two thousand years ago in this place called Nazareth where there is this chick called Mary who an angel shows up to. The angel is like, “Dude, you’re knocked up!” So she is like, “No Fucking Way! I am a virgin.” So the angel is like, “Yea, sure you are!”