Chicks With Dicks

Posted by Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc on
Category: General8 Comments

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We like to think that we are pretty broadminded here at Jammy Toast. There is not much which will shock us and I guess there is nothing much we have not seen before, if we are being honest. That was true until last night, while we were channel flipping to find something to watch, when we came across something which totally took our attention. There on screen was quite an attractive young Asian lady without many clothes on and in plain sight were her breasts. Again this is nothing we haven’t seen before and, needless to say, it caught our attention and we sat spellbound by this beauty from Thailand. Then, as the camera moved down, there it was in all its glory – A PENIS!

There was silence around the room as we took in the sight before our eyes. Then, at that very moment, Razzi walked into the room and shouted; “Strewth, there’s a chick with a dick!”

I put my head in my hands at this point because I just knew all the bears, who didn’t understand just what they were seeing, were going to be asking me thousands of awkward questions. Why does that lady have a penis? Is it a lady or a man with boobs? Is that normal? You name it, I was expecting a question about it. This was made worse by Razzi telling everyone that I had a daughter who used to be one of the Vietnamese boat people.

I thought long and hard; how was I going to answer all these questions. Then I decided there was no point in evading the question. Surely the best thing to do would be to meet them head on and let the bears know exactly what they had seen.

“Transsexualism,” I started to explain; “describes the way someone identifies with one gender which is inconsistent with their assigned sex, for example, in which a person’s assigned sex at birth conflicts with their brain sex. A medical diagnosis can be made if a person experiences discomfort as a result of a desire to be a member of the opposite gender or if a person experiences impaired functioning or distress as a result of their gender identification.

In Thailand, they are often called Kathoey or Katoey, which is not an equivalent of the modern Western transsexual woman. Instead, a significant number of Thais perceive kathoeys as belonging to a third gender. The term “phu-ying praphet thi sorng”, which can be translated as “woman of the second kind”, is also used to refer to kathoey. The term can refer to males who exhibit varying degrees of femininity – many kathoeys dress as women and undergo “feminising” medical procedures such as breast implants, hormones, silicone injections, or Adam’s apple reductions. Others may wear makeup and use feminine pronouns, but dress as men, and are closer to the Western category of effeminate gay man than transgender.

I explained all this to the bears and they looked at me confused. Then they looked at Razzi who smiled and said; “basically, what he is saying is that a ladyboy is a dude with a dick but who looks like a dudette and they have sex up the bum.”

All the bears looked at each other and suddenly the penny dropped. Then Erik turned to me and said; “Turn over will you, the Liverpool match is on Sky Sports.”

And so say all of us!

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About the Author

Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc

A sad and lonely old man who used to have a life but it has now been taken over by his dedication to the cause of saving Renault Bears, running Jammy Toast and searching eBay, car boot sales, charity shops, lofts and even under beds for his beloved bears. He has even now taken in Flat Eric to save him from homelessness – his life is no longer his own!

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