Ihave recently been helping Edward restore all the old Jammy Toast posts stretching back to 2006. While I have been doing this, I have also been laughing at some of the old posts and the antics we got up to back in the days of yore. However, while I was busy helping Edward, I came across a glaring omission from some of the old posts. Back in those days Chimpton was a little more forthcoming and many of the Classic Toast posts tell her side of the story and yet fail to allow me the chance to reply. So working under the auspices of better late than never, I have decided to start a new series of posts today, where I can relay my side of some of the Classic Toast stories…
One day Chimpton and I were on holiday lying on a beach in the Dominican Republic. We were not out in the full glare of the sun as it is very hot and so we had found a nice spot in the shade of an old tree. It was not long before a beach trader happened along with a rather fetching line in t-shirts and other Dominica memorabilia. He asked me if I was interested in any of his wares and while I declined Chimpton was stirring from her slumbers to see who the voices belonged to. The beach trader politely said hello and asked me who the young lady was. I told him that this was my daughter and that she was thirteen years of age but to be careful because she was a rather angry teenager in those days.
The Chimpton shot up and started cursing and swearing telling this guy that she was in her thirties and not thirteen as I had described her. I have no idea where Chimpton gets all these lies from but the beach trader could see a little domestic was brewing and decided to head for pastures anew.
A while later I was catching some Z’s in the shade of the tree when I heard voices all saying or questioning, “Bambino, 13?” As I opened my eyes all I could see was our beach trader friend coming back with half-a-dozen of his mates telling them all that Chimpton was a bambino of thirteen years of age. It is probably worth mentioning at this point that Chimpton is laying topless on the beach and that she has her nipples pierced not to mention her tattoos on display and her usual line in smutty banter.
The beach traders, who were in the forties and fifties, just stood there with their tongues hanging out while I beat a hasty retreat towards the bar to get some drinks in. Needless to say I was in trouble for this little antic and well, ok, maybe I did exaggerate her age slightly!
But is that any excuse for violence?