Cricket

Posted by Andreaa Kurby on
Category: Sport56 Comments

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IRang David Last Nite To Check If He Was Postin Me Story About The Liverpool Slums && Tha.. I Couldnt Get No Sense Out Of Him Cos He Was Watchin This Cricket Thingy From India Or Somewhere.. I Called Him A ‘Borin Bastid’ Like I Always Do Cos He Pure Loves Cricket.. He Said How Do I Know Its Borin, I Have Never Watched Cricket.. So Last Night, For A Laugh, I Put It On && Was Watchin It && This Is What I Think About It.. First Of All When Ya Watch The Footy Ya Have Two Teams In Different Colour Kits.. Like Liverpool Are In Red && Everton Are In Blue.. So When Ya Watch The Derby Ya Know Who Is On What Side Cos Of Their Colours.. But In The Cricket, They All Wear White!! How Are Ya Meant To Know What Side They Are On?? That Is The First Crazy Thing Abwt It.. Apparently I Was Watchin An Old Test Match Cos In The Indian Cricket They Do Wear Different Colours.. Davidd Said They Was Just Tryin To Confuse Me.

The Basic Idea Is That One Man Stands There With A Piece Of Wood (Lets Call Him The Woodman) In His Hand && Another Man Has A Ball (We Can Call Him The Ballman).. Then The Ballman Fukks Off On This Dead Long Mission.. When He Has Walked Tha Far Tha Ya Can Hardly See Him Anymore, He Turns Round && Starts Leggin It At The Woodman.. When He Gets Near Enough He Chucks The Ball At The Woodman Who Then Ignores The Ball && A Man Wearing Gloves (The Gloveman) Catches It && Gives It Back To The Ballman.. The Ballman Then Goes Off On His Mission Again.. Fukkin Hell, It Takes Years Just To Chuck One Ball && They Do This All Day!!

The Woodman Sometimes Hits The Ball With The Piece Of Wood && Then He Runs To The Other End && Another Woodman Runs To Where The First Woodman Was.. Basically They Swap Ends.. They Score A ‘Run’ For Doin Tha.. Then The Two Woodmen Walk Back Into The Middle && Fist Bump Each Other, So I Guess They Are Pleased With Themselves For Scoin A Run.. They Do This Six Times && Then Another Ballman Gets A Go To Chuck The Ball At The Other Woodman.. By This Time I Had Died Of Boredom && That Was Just One Over, The Teams Have 50 Overs Each.. Fuckinell!!

The Woodman Can Also Hit The Ball Dead Hard && It Goes Over This Piece Of Rope && They Get Loads Of Runs For That.. So Why Dont They Hit It Hard All The Time So They Get Lots Of These Run Things But Dont Have To Run && Get Knackered?? Thats The Only Good Bit About Cricket That They Can Score Runs But They Dont Have To Run.. The Woodman Can Hit The Ball Dead Hard Up In The Air && It Goes For Miles && Hits The Seats Around The Sides Without Touchin The Floor.. This Sounds A Bit Dangerous To Me Because When We Dont Have The Rona There Are People In Them Seats.. Well If Ya Do That, Ya Get Loads More Runs..

Another Thing Is, The Woodman Stands In Front Of These Sticks That Are Stuck In The Ground.. If The Ballman Chucks The Ball && It Hits The Sticks, Then The Woodman Is Out && He Has To Go Home.. Then Another Woodman Comes Out && They Do The Whole Thing All Over Again.. Its Crazy I Just Dont Get It!!

So A Batsman Comes Out && He Is In. When They Hit His Sticks With The Ball, He Is Then Out && Has To Go Back In. It Doesnt Make Bloody Sense Tha..

There Are Also Men Who Stand In The Middle Of This Field (Lets Call Them Fieldmen) && If The Woodman Hits The Ball In The Air && A Fieldman Catches It, Then The Woodman Goes Home Again && Another One Comes Out && Hes Then In.. The Woodman Can Also Be Out, && Have To Go In, If The Ball Hits His Legs But Only If He Is Standing Right In Front Of The Sticks.. Not All The Time.. This Man In A Coat (The Coatman) Watches The Ballman Chuck The Ball At The Woodman && If It Hits His Leg, He Has To Decides If He Can Go Home Or Not.. I Guess He Is Like The Referee Or Suttin.. He Decides If Ya In, Or Out Or Shaking It All About, I Guess??

When One Side Has Had Their 50 Overs, Thats 300 Chucks, Then The First Team Is Finished.. Or If Ya Get Ten Woodmen Out Then The Team Are All Out Too Even If There Is One Woodman Left On His Own. I Guess They Dont Want Him To Be A Billy-No-Mates All On His Own..

Right So Are Ya With Me So Far, Cos Here Is The Best Bit??

They Only Do This All Day && Davidd Tells Me In Test Cricket They Do It For Five F*ckin Days!!

Omg Kill Me Now..

Traa xx

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Posted By

Andreaa Kurby

I Am Andreaa && I Am Havin A Boss Time Ere Writin On The Blog && Tha.. I Feel Proper Ashamed, The F*ckin State Of It.. Davidd Told Me If Ya Hav A Blog All Ya Have To Do Is Write Little Stories Abowt Ya Life Bt I Said No, I Cant Write Nothin.. I Neva Evn Passed Me GCSE English.. Bt He Bullies Me Yerno, So Me Stories Are Usually Shit..


56 Comments on “Cricket”

  1. “So A Batsman Comes Out && He Is In. When They Hit His Sticks With The Ball, He Is Then Out && Has To Go Back In. It Doesnt Make Bloody Sense Tha..”

    Classic!!

  2. Tranmere Rovers 0 – 1 Leyton Orient
    EFL Division Two
  3. We wanted to be nice so we ordered some Dunkin’ Donuts for all of our dinosaurs this morning but they just ended up eating the delivery guy. Didn’t even touch the donuts. Well, we tried.

  4. Great… A lad at football I play on Saturdays has got the old Covid. Now I have to isolate for a week and longer if I develop any symptoms.

    At least that’s what I think I’m supposed to do?

  5. Sorry, I wasn’t ignoring your text, my dog was barking in her sleep so I had to drop everything to gently wake her up & keep whispering, “it’s okay, it was just a dream” until she fell back asleep.

  6. Rolf report 21 Oct

    Being an academic cat means that part of my job is to maintain the standards of the learning & working environment. I am very particular about which objects I will allow on the desk & how they are positioned. I need to be constantly vigilant.

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  11. I only met Spencer Davis a couple of times. A great musician and performer who just loved to play live. I just hope that in centuries to come, the last half of the 20th century will be recognised as one of the most amazing musical years in history.

  12. I have made and iced sibling’s birthday cake but now I cannot leave it unattended AT ANY TIME bc it has to stay on the sterile zone on the table which is within Kel’s reach.

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  14. Having a sex dream about one of your best friends is actually the most awkward thing ever because it’s like ok I really love you but I can’t ever look you in the eye again.

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