It all started off when I was trying to think of something to write about for that particular day’s post. If I have no inspiration, I sometimes look at newspapers online to see if there are any teddy bear stories or something which Jammy Toasters might find interesting or funny. I was looking on the Liverpool Echo website when I came across a story that the police had foiled a plan by a bunch of school kids to all meet-up in John Lewis’s new store in Liverpool One and have a massive game of hide-and-seek around the store.
I thought this was hilarious. I had a mental picture of all these Kirkby School Kids running riot around Lewis’s – just like a scene from a St Trinian’s film – and all the old-age pensioners running for cover in the bathroom accessories department. I thought this was a great idea for a post and so I wrote about our “fictional” plans for the bears to be playing hide-and-seek around Lewis’s electrical department. You can imagine the scene, one of our bears hiding and all the other bears tear-arsing around the store like maniacs with 50inch plasma screens flying everywhere.
It wasn’t my best work but I thought it was funny and I knew nobody would take it seriously, or would they?
It turns out the store manager of Lewis’s was a little nervous about the Liverpool Echo story and was searching social media and the internet to see if there was any more mention of hide-and-seek in his beloved store. He found our post, except he did not think it was as funny as I did. Back in those days, we had our phone number on the blog and so he rang us. He said he was worried about our story and I told him to go away, read the story more thoroughly and he would see it was a fictional story about a bunch of teddy bears playing hide-and-seek. Did he really think that could happen?
I may also have mentioned something along the lines of him needing to get a life.
Bright and early the next morning there was a knock on the door and there stood half of Merseyside Police’s Matrix team. In case you are unfamiliar with this unit, the Matrix team provides the Police with a high level response to gun crime, faction based criminality and cash-in-transit robberies. They are the first response to any major large-scale disorder within the area and I think they are even armed!
I invited a couple of them in and apologised but they couldn’t all come in because we didn’t have enough mugs for that many cups of coffee. They explained that they were here because they had received reports concerning a large scale riot in and around John Lewis’s store by a gang known as “The Renault Bears” who live in “Jammy Toast” and are led by the vicious gang-leader known as “Razzi”.
I couldn’t hold back the merriment any longer and I invited them to come through and meet Razzi. Two police women agreed to leave their riot shields, firearms and helmets at the door and came into Jammy Toast to meet Razzi… who is about 12inches tall and weighs less than a kilo. However, they were a little suspicious because he was wearing his little hoodie at the time. He may well have looked like a hoodlum but when he explained to the Police Officer that he couldn’t get over to Liverpool because I only give him £1 per week pocket money and the train fare was more than that, their faces dropped. They were coming to the realisation that this wasn’t quite the crime of the century they were hoping for.
I told them that I had told the store manager that it was a story about teddy bears and they left muttering something about a waste of police time and resources. Hopefully they had the same conversation with Lewis’s manager but at least it gave the neighbours something to twitch their curtains at.
Razzi, however, was really disappointed he didn’t get a ride in a big yellow Matrix van!