These days, profiles on dating sites are much better than they were back in the day. I used to blame men because basically they had to fill their profiles with wild lies and blinding exaggerations. Many would agree with me too but then I read a few female profiles – looking for ideas for my own profile to be honest – and I was shocked to find the same excesses. The problem is, as I see it, people and their lack of ability to just be themselves. They always feel the need to “big” themselves up.
It is not a job interview kids, we need to be real but not negative. In life, as well as online, you need to focus on the positive. Maybe there should be a message board or list of helpful hints on these sites where people could post things that would be helpful to other users. This way you could also slam the losers!
Speaking of losers, I remember chatting with Shyguy and we were trying to plan a date. As you remember, I stood him up by accident the night the cities went dark. The problem we were encountering is he was laid off his job – no biggie, I am not a gold digger – but he had no cash to drive to me and wanted me to go to his town. I didn’t feel comfortable at all going there – I didn’t know anyone. I said that we would just have to put meeting on hold for now and he said, and I quote, “I do really want to see you. Because I think you and I could make a good couple.” Whoa stop the races! A good couple? I hadn’t even decided if we like the same beer yet! I was putting a stop to that right there and then, explaining that I would like to meet him and I would check out the bus schedules to see if this was possible but I didn’t even know him. Then he started being all sulky and man-like. Well I guess he wasn’t acting all “dress to impress” on me, I knew exactly what I was getting into.
I have said in previous posts and friends would all be nodding their heads to this, I am not a big feelings sharing person. I do share my thoughts and feelings but with my good friends who I have known for a long time. I need to warm up, to gradually work into talking about feelings and warm gooshy stuff or even bad stuff and then joke it all off. Him, talking about his confused feelings about his ex-wife before I have even met him is NOT gradually warming up. I gave him a pep talk and it seemed like I was his counsellor or something. The whole thing was probably doomed but I thought that maybe we could be friends and talk about the problems of divorce even though it felt more like girl friends to me anyways all this sharing and bitching.
I would like to state for the record (I don’t know if it’s the same for other women) but I like men because they are not women. They don’t fuss as much or clean as much or worry as much, on the surface at least. I don’t need all my illusions ruined at once. I can get used to men having feelings and crying and stuff but it takes a while.
Another thing and this one really puzzles me to this day… why, once you get rid of men, do they change the bad habits that made you get rid of them in the first place? Did they actually learn something and decide, “Hell yea, she was right. I better fix that!”
Is it that lack of expectations frees them to be normal?
I would really like to know.
Here is my example of that: I was separated and had been for six months or so. My marriage had problems (plural) but the biggest one was that my husband didn’t come home. Well, I should rephrase that, he never stayed out all night. He came home to sleep, shower and sometimes eat. It just got worse and worse. I tried to be a rational adult not a nagging bitch about it. I explained that when he didn’t come home after work and didn’t call that I worried. I explained that it was fine with me for him to go out two or three nights a week and that he didn’t need to rebel against the bonds of marriage. Then I became a nagging, whining bitch. I hated that I had let myself change into such a creature more than I hated him for his lack of respect. I couldn’t be that person so I left.
I called my ex-husband at work about money and his perky secretary advised me he was on vacation.
When we got married our honeymoon was two days because he couldn’t take time off work. When we were together he had one day a week off and only then because the place he works wasn’t open on Sundays.
Then as soon as we’re separated he takes a week’s vacation to go camping up north. This is the man for who driving across town was a pain in the ass.