I decided I needed to pick up the lumberjack. I would rather try and fail or be told he is taken than to never have tried and live in regret world (I hate that place.) This is where my friends came in. I asked for advice. I didn’t mind looking silly but would prefer not to look like a crazed lumberjack groupie. I organised a brainstorming session with said friends and we came up with some pick-up lines for lumberjacks.
If I didn’t get help quick, I would be forced to use one of these…
- Could I get some lumberjack lessons? I’ve been told I work well with wood.
- I’ve got a bush you can trim.
- Is that a log in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
- Hey baby, I’ve got something you can drive your axe into.
- Can I wax your axe?
- Can I play with your saw?
You can see from the above list that my situation was desperate.
The plan was, I would go to the fair ground with guy pal S. I would look hot, we would watch the show and I would flirt like mad from afar again.
Here’s the lame ass story…
I went to the fair twice more and watched the lumberjack show three more times. I was picked again to go up on stage so I had two little chairs and the world’s cutest lumberjack held my hand and looked right into my eyes.
I chickened out!
Just as I thought I would.
I feel like a huge loser for chickening out, being rejected would have been preferable. I’m not sure why it was so hard to go and talk to this lumberjack. I picked up the Irish rugby team or at least a couple of them. I picked up a bartender at a gay bar, he wasn’t gay but did have a girlfriend. A girlfriend and I went to Toronto on a bus with some band after their show, I think this was more the girlfriends doing than me though. Another girlfriend and I joined a stag night and ended up in a different town on their bus. I picked up this cute guy, then picked him up again a year later not remembering who he was. I had six dates with six strangers in two months.
I think this is all proof that I am not usually afraid to approach men. I don’t know what happened this time but will now live in regret world and I really hate the place. Feel free to call me horrible names and tell me what a loser I am. I know it, kids. I will even include regret quotes here to show my sorrow and embarrassment.
Plus, the universe was pissed at me for not taking a chance as I had the world’s weirdest illness afterwards.
I had temporary viral arthritis. This mysterious infection caused inflammation of the joints and gave me swollen hands and feet. It should go away on its own so the emergency doc told me. Excuse me if this post doesn’t make much sense but I am kinda wacked out on pain meds. Excuse me if this only makes sense to the pink elephant who is helping me write it.
Archive PostsThis post continues from posts that were on the original version of Jammy Toast. If you wish to read the earlier posts in this series, you can now find them over on our archive website which can be found here at Classic Toast. The previous post in this particular series [Doing My Dirty Washing In Public #17] can be found here.
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