Doing My Dirty Washing In Public #18

Posted by Lisa Whiteman on
Category: Lisa's Dirty Washing57 Comments

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Hi my name is… my name is… excuse me, my name is Slim Shady Lisa. You might remember me from the original Jammy Toast and recall my posts. If you don’t then you can catch up on them over here. I have been a friend of Davey’s since about 2003. I used to have a blog on Blogger well before he started to blog and before he discovered his pesky teddy bears. He used to leave comments on my blog and before you knew it, we were chatting away on MSN – who remembers good old MSN? I invited him to write a few guest posts on my blog and we became great friends. I even travelled over to the UK in 2007 from Canada for a visit and we had a whale of a time together. Fast forward sixteen years and I now comment on his blog and he has invited me to write some guest posts for him. As the old saying goes; what goes around, comes around

I decided I needed to pick up the lumberjack. I would rather try and fail or be told he is taken than to never have tried and live in regret world (I hate that place.) This is where my friends came in. I asked for advice. I didn’t mind looking silly but would prefer not to look like a crazed lumberjack groupie. I organised a brainstorming session with said friends and we came up with some pick-up lines for lumberjacks.

If I didn’t get help quick, I would be forced to use one of these…

  • Could I get some lumberjack lessons? I’ve been told I work well with wood.
  • I’ve got a bush you can trim.
  • Is that a log in your pants or are you just happy to see me?
  • Hey baby, I’ve got something you can drive your axe into.
  • Can I wax your axe?
  • Can I play with your saw?

You can see from the above list that my situation was desperate.

The plan was, I would go to the fair ground with guy pal S. I would look hot, we would watch the show and I would flirt like mad from afar again.

Here’s the lame ass story…

I went to the fair twice more and watched the lumberjack show three more times. I was picked again to go up on stage so I had two little chairs and the world’s cutest lumberjack held my hand and looked right into my eyes.

Then…

I chickened out!

Just as I thought I would.

I feel like a huge loser for chickening out, being rejected would have been preferable. I’m not sure why it was so hard to go and talk to this lumberjack. I picked up the Irish rugby team or at least a couple of them. I picked up a bartender at a gay bar, he wasn’t gay but did have a girlfriend. A girlfriend and I went to Toronto on a bus with some band after their show, I think this was more the girlfriends doing than me though. Another girlfriend and I joined a stag night and ended up in a different town on their bus. I picked up this cute guy, then picked him up again a year later not remembering who he was. I had six dates with six strangers in two months.

I think this is all proof that I am not usually afraid to approach men. I don’t know what happened this time but will now live in regret world and I really hate the place. Feel free to call me horrible names and tell me what a loser I am. I know it, kids. I will even include regret quotes here to show my sorrow and embarrassment.

O lost days of delight, that are wasted in doubting and waiting.
O lost hours and days in which we might have been happy!

-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

It’s the things I might have said that fester.

-Clemence Dane

Plus, the universe was pissed at me for not taking a chance as I had the world’s weirdest illness afterwards.

I had temporary viral arthritis. This mysterious infection caused inflammation of the joints and gave me swollen hands and feet. It should go away on its own so the emergency doc told me. Excuse me if this post doesn’t make much sense but I am kinda wacked out on pain meds. Excuse me if this only makes sense to the pink elephant who is helping me write it.

Archive Posts
This post continues from posts that were on the original version of Jammy Toast. If you wish to read the earlier posts in this series, you can now find them over on our archive website which can be found here at Classic Toast. The previous post in this particular series [Doing My Dirty Washing In Public #17] can be found here.
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Posted By

Lisa Whiteman

Hi, I am Lisa and I have been a friend of Davey's since about 2003. I used to have my own blog on Blogger back in the days before Davey discovered these pesky bears. He used to comment on my blog and before you knew it, he was writing guest posts for me. Everything has now turned full circle as I now leave comments on Davey's blog and he has invited me to write guest posts for him. What goes around, comes around.


57 Comments on “Doing My Dirty Washing In Public #18”

  1. Rolf report 24 Sept

    One of the reasons I love to visit my campus mom Dr Claudia at her home is because she has provided me with my very own cat gym. It’s actually meant to be her kitchen but I have taken over. It’s such fun to leap between shelves at different heights.

    Rolf x

  2. I’ve been worried about Dorothy’s lack of interest in me so I went to Red Fred for advice. He listened very patiently even though I got a bit upset. He said I should just give it time, like he has with ET. Do you think that’s what I should do?

  3. Good fuckin’ morning. A very autumnal feel to the fuckin’ weather out there today. Some heavy fuckin’ downpours and strong fuckin’ winds, especially in the south. The driest weather will be found across northern parts of fuckin’ Scotland and Northern Ireland.

  4. Another day at the piano… mind you I spend time at the piano every day but today will be longer than usual, as was yesterday and indeed Monday and Tuesday. I’m rambling now… “nurse”.

  5. For those who have privacy concerns about the NHS Covid app, it uses Apple and Google’s API, not governments. If you are a conspiracy theorist and don’t trust Apple and Google, remember you have installed their OS anyway so it makes no difference!

  6. Used to be excited about the prospect of going out with the girls at the weekend and getting absolutely shitfaced. However the pinnacle of this week has been putting a new mop head on my mop and choosing a new storage rack for my shoes.

  7. I genuinely think my cat has dementia. He goes out then goes round the front of the house and cries to come back in. Then if it’s raining he won’t go out so goes to a different door as if he thinks it won’t be raining if he goes out of that one.

  8. When we die, we’re gonna learn this was never really our world: It always belonged to the dogs, but they were just too polite to correct us. And if canines detecting Covid doesn’t empty shelters, then we’re not smart enough to be in charge anyway. Hey CATS: you better step it up!

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