Doing My Dirty Washing In Public #2

Posted by Lisa 'W' on
Category: Lisa's Dirty Washing43 Comments

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Hi my name is… my name is… excuse me, my name is Slim Shady Lisa. You might have noticed me commenting on here from time to time using the name of “Just Me”. I have been a friend of Davey’s since about 2003. I used to have a blog on Blogger well before he started to blog and before he discovered these pesky bears. He used to leave comments on my blog and before you knew it we were chatting away on MSN – who remembers good old MSN? I invited him to write a few guest posts on my blog and we became great friends. I even travelled over to the UK in 2007 from Canada for a visit and we had a whale of a time together. Fast forward sixteen years and I now comment on his blog and he has invited me to write some guest posts for him. As the old saying goes; what goes around, comes around

So I haven’t had a chance to tell you about some of the sad losers who I ended up dating from all this online activity. One I can remember who I really liked I christened SD – short for Serial Dater. From what he said he had been at it for eons. I was never sure if someone being an old-hand should put me off them or inspire me with a never say die kinda attitude. SD took his online dating seriously because he was always online and always logged in. He asked me out and I accepted his invitation. Anyway, we ended up having four dates in all and just as I was starting to warm to him he dumped my sorry ass. The bastard broke my heart, I thought online dating was going to be a walk in the park and I had just got dumped by the first person I liked back.

There were many more. Okay Guy was another I remember, who we shall call OG. I decided he was an okay guy after two dates with him but he just didn’t make me want to drop my drawers for him. Then there was the guy who was never going to fall for any girl from online dating because he just damn well loved his dog too much. I had a Golden Labrador at the time who I loved so at least we had that in common but that was about all. He was boring and very slow ordering the drinks so he only lasted one date.

Office Manager (OM) was persistent if nothing else. We had been messaging for about two-three weeks and I had tried every way I knew to tell him that I didn’t really like him – he just wouldn’t take no for an answer, he still wanted to meet. He persuaded me to give him my number and that was the biggest mistake of my then short life. He rang me half-a-dozen times every day and one day caught me when I was off work sick. He bored me for an hour and ended the conversation by telling me that I really should give him a chance because I would probably like him if I would agree to meet him. After all, he asked, would I ever talk on the phone to someone I didn’t really like? Apparently so!

Not Quite Available (NQA) was a guy I never really got. I just didn’t understand his motives. He was either very uncertain of himself or he had a girlfriend and was trying to keep his online persona secret, I could never tell which. We emailed for a while and even moved on to MSN but I just had the feeling there was something about him that was just wrong. So, in the best tradition of MSN… BLOCKED!

I never seemed to really know what age group I was aiming for. I started messaging with a student (no nickname, just Student) who never seemed to go to college but was about my age and an ex-cop (XC) who was in his 40s. XC was from out of town but came into town most weekends and seemed keen to have a date. One day he asked me out at the weekend and I had to decline because I was busy with real friends that weekend. He never spoke to me again!

I did quite like Student but he never took any hints I threw out to him. He rang me one night and we had been chatting a while when I suddenly realised that Paradise Island was on the TV and I was hooked on that show back then. I had to hang up on him in the end. Looking back, I suppose that just about sums up how important online dating was for me.

I just remembered the name of the site I used to use… Lavaline. Man, it had some queer traditions. The site was free to join – unusual for those days – but they charged you every time you sent a first message to someone. Follow-up messages were free. This probably explained why when someone messaged you and you replied that you weren’t interested they just persisted anyway.

Another way to message someone was to send them a smile – smiles are online messages you could send for free (think cheap bastards). I don’t think I ever replied to a smile because in my opinion it proved that someone was unlikely to ply you with alcohol he had purchased.

Always remember the idea of this dating malarkey was to get free alcohol!

More dating advice, next time.

Have fun out there.

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About the Author

Lisa 'W'

Hi, I am Lisa and I have been a friend of Davey's since about 2003. I used to have my own blog on Blogger back in the days before Davey discovered these pesky bears. He used to comment on my blog and before you knew it, he was writing guest posts for me. Everything has now turned full circle as I now leave comments on Davey's blog and he has invited me to write guest posts for him. What goes around, comes around.


43 Comments on “Doing My Dirty Washing In Public #2”

  1. LADbible
    ‏Thousands – if not, millions – of plastic bottles and rubbish overrun a river in Indonesia. Something must be done to overcome the world’s plastic pollution.

    Just a thought, but have they tried not throwing their shite into the river in the first place?

  2. My time I have looked at someone and thought how attractive they are only to be put off when I speak to them or thought someone was ugly only to find out they have a brilliant personality. How does that work online? You can’t judge someone’s personality from a filtered to fuck photo.

  3. I just watched a woman pump gas while sobbing hysterically and after she finished, she stood by the driver’s side door, applied many coats of spray deodorant as her sobbing died down. She then peeled out of the parking lot complete with squealing brakes. I have so many questions…

  4. Do you ever end up at someone’s house and you start hanging out with their dog and you start going through the rigmarole of “Sit. Give paw. Lay down.” And then someone asks “How did you know the dog could do that?” And you are all like “I don’t know man, I asked them.”

  5. “Casserole” sounds like some kind of 19th century scab-related illness. Did you hear about Reverend Smith? He came down with the casserole. They cured it with some cocaine mixed with arsenic and a brisk walk through a forest at midnight.

  6. Almond butter is healthy but not when you eat it like I do, like it’s ice cream. Big scoops straight out of the jar with my hands like I’m Winnie the Friggen Pooh.

  7. “Without Pooh,” said Rabbit solemnly, “the adventure would be impossible.”
    “Oh!” said Piglet, and tried not to look disappointed.
    But Pooh went into a corner of the room and said proudly to himself, “Impossible without Me! THAT sort of Bear.”

  8. As per yesterday’s comment, I attempted a roll on the grass at 11am… following a reasonably successful effort, I then attempted to get up at 11.15 , 11.25, 11.45 and 11.50. I eventually crawled to the fence and hoisted myself up. I think I’ll leave rolling to your bears in future.

  9. I’m not even angry my dog left me a mega huge turd to clean when i got back home even though he was out all morning! Hay accidents happen…

    But the big fat cunts gone too far now!! He’s eaten my left over paella that was on the back of the stove!! Fully covered!!

    How??

    Fucking how…

  10. My only Jeremy Kyle Show story is his production team phoning a lad who worked for me asking if he and his mrs would come on the show? Free beer and a night in a hotel. “I’m married to a football hooligan” was the punchline. His mrs wouldn’t do it so he asked the bricky to be his gay lover. “We can cane the mini bar in the hotel then leg it!” That’s the mine set . There was much thinking about the idea !

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