Just when I was starting to enjoy this online dating malarkey and being unemployed also having the time to dedicate to it, I went and got a job. First, let me tell you I have two weird phobias. Number one phobia is I hate calling people on the phone that I have never spoken to before. Number two is my bank phobia, just going to the bank makes me sweaty and slightly nauseated.
Guess what the new job is. I’m a telephone banking agent.
The trainer man with nice teeth and a little boy haircut says to us, the twenty trainees, “Now you are bankers”.
I thought I was a customer service expert but no.
What could I have done wrong in my past life to deserve this?
This is our new job training day but it is more like a TV Reality Show. Twenty people standing around in the lobby looking at each other not saying anything. The host comes out and escorts us all to a private room where we all sit down in front of our own computers. We fill out name tags and play the first game, introduce yourself to everyone.
Gay boy Ryan in the front row wins hands down.
The rest of the cast of characters:
Trainer man who knows this is the closest he is ever going to get to stand-up comedy and so takes advantage of it. Then there is the funny boy with a bad haircut in the front row. The slow on the uptake older mom. The flirty girl who plays in a band. Woman who talks about her husband all the time. Know it all girl with three degrees who loves the game already. Asian boy who is learning English. Loud mouth dude who couldn’t hack it as a bartender. I’m on a diet lady. Peppy customer service is my life, Julie. And me: cynical, sleepy, flying under the radar chick.
Next, we play tour of the building, I lose getting lost on the way back from the bathroom. There is a reprieve from elimination as I make a pact with well-dressed smoker girl.
Lunch goes well as we get to know one another while hunting for sandwiches.
Back to the game, I say nothing the “fly under the radar” plan has worked for many reality show people, so it is good enough for me. We get deeper into the game with secret passwords and skill-testing computer challenges.
It is twenty people and twenty-one days; who will win the grand prize and get to be the number one e-banking expert?
Tune in next time for the privacy code and all you’ve ever wanted to know about mutual funds.
I would rather play how to marry a lumberjack but I forgot to send in the application.
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