Doing My Dirty Washing In Public #20

Posted by Lisa Whiteman on
Category: Lisa's Dirty Washing57 Comments

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Hi my name is… my name is… excuse me, my name is Slim Shady Lisa. You might remember me from the original Jammy Toast and recall my posts. If you don’t then you can catch up on them over here. I have been a friend of Davey’s since about 2003. I used to have a blog on Blogger well before he started to blog and before he discovered his pesky teddy bears. He used to leave comments on my blog and before you knew it, we were chatting away on MSN – who remembers good old MSN? I invited him to write a few guest posts on my blog and we became great friends. I even travelled over to the UK in 2007 from Canada for a visit and we had a whale of a time together. Fast forward sixteen years and I now comment on his blog and he has invited me to write some guest posts for him. As the old saying goes; what goes around, comes around

Just when I was starting to enjoy this online dating malarkey and being unemployed also having the time to dedicate to it, I went and got a job. First, let me tell you I have two weird phobias. Number one phobia is I hate calling people on the phone that I have never spoken to before. Number two is my bank phobia, just going to the bank makes me sweaty and slightly nauseated.

Guess what the new job is. I’m a telephone banking agent.

The trainer man with nice teeth and a little boy haircut says to us, the twenty trainees, “Now you are bankers”.

Total silence.

I thought I was a customer service expert but no.

What could I have done wrong in my past life to deserve this?

This is our new job training day but it is more like a TV Reality Show. Twenty people standing around in the lobby looking at each other not saying anything. The host comes out and escorts us all to a private room where we all sit down in front of our own computers. We fill out name tags and play the first game, introduce yourself to everyone.

Gay boy Ryan in the front row wins hands down.

The rest of the cast of characters:

Trainer man who knows this is the closest he is ever going to get to stand-up comedy and so takes advantage of it. Then there is the funny boy with a bad haircut in the front row. The slow on the uptake older mom. The flirty girl who plays in a band. Woman who talks about her husband all the time. Know it all girl with three degrees who loves the game already. Asian boy who is learning English. Loud mouth dude who couldn’t hack it as a bartender. I’m on a diet lady. Peppy customer service is my life, Julie. And me: cynical, sleepy, flying under the radar chick.

Next, we play tour of the building, I lose getting lost on the way back from the bathroom. There is a reprieve from elimination as I make a pact with well-dressed smoker girl.

Lunch goes well as we get to know one another while hunting for sandwiches.

Back to the game, I say nothing the “fly under the radar” plan has worked for many reality show people, so it is good enough for me. We get deeper into the game with secret passwords and skill-testing computer challenges.

It is twenty people and twenty-one days; who will win the grand prize and get to be the number one e-banking expert?

Tune in next time for the privacy code and all you’ve ever wanted to know about mutual funds.

I would rather play how to marry a lumberjack but I forgot to send in the application.

Damn!

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Posted By

Lisa Whiteman

Hi, I am Lisa and I have been a friend of Davey's since about 2003. I used to have my own blog on Blogger back in the days before Davey discovered these pesky bears. He used to comment on my blog and before you knew it, he was writing guest posts for me. Everything has now turned full circle as I now leave comments on Davey's blog and he has invited me to write guest posts for him. What goes around, comes around.


57 Comments on “Doing My Dirty Washing In Public #20”

  1. Pat wanted me to tweet to quash the rumours. She is NOT appearing on Celebs Go Dating either as a contestant or dinner. Wayne Lineker kicked her out of his club last year while she was pecking a vodka red bull at the bar and she’s still FUMING at him.

  2. Kate was so happy to see Gloria Glover coming down the path to meet her. Then a fox came down the path behind her! My human used to worry that the foxes would hurt us but they only want our food. That’s alright, we can share.

  3. Good morning everyone…

    “I get up every morning knowing it’s going to be a great day.
    You never know when it’s going to be over so I refuse to have a bad day.”

    I hope you have a good Tuna Thursday!

  4. Rolf report 26 Nov

    Today is Thanksgiving in my Anglo-American household. The humans will eat pumpkin pie with squirty cream. I will get a little squirty cream. Some things in life are certain (death & taxes). I’ll never lose my excitement at the prospect of squirty cream.

    Rolf x

  5. “Christopher Robin is giving a party.”
    “Very interesting,” said Eeyore. “I suppose they will send me down the odd bits which got trodden on.”
    “There is an invitation for you.”
    “A mistake, no doubt, but I shall come. Only don’t blame me if it rains.”

  6. unless you bleed every month, have been known to burst into tears in the frozen peas section of the asda & regularly want to k*ll every one, mind ya bizniss about the price of sanitary products!

  7. Would like to thank the cat for deciding to throw up on the carpets seconds before I opened the door to the carpet cleaning man. He must think we’re a bunch of right scruffs!

  8. The first frost of winter so my morning meet & greet spot was further away from the door than usual. As it gets colder I move closer to heaters & on very cold days I meow my “hello’s” from right at the back of the hall. I’m like a little furry thermometer.

  9. We’ve all gone through shit in our lives that’s not been nice, but that doesn’t give us the right to be cunts to others, deal with your shit cop the fuck on and wash your genitals X

  10. Thanks to the genius of Dr Uchenna, I no longer have a mouth resembling a scale model of the Blackwall Tunnel and I can smile again and the cats no longer run away when I open my mouth!

  11. Just woke back up and my Twitter feed is full of Conservative loving cunts crying because they’re in Tier 3 lockdown, HAHAHAHA you love to see it, still think Boris cares about you? He’s embezzled his millions, he aint assed about being voted in again, he’s off with your taxes.

    Anyway, i’m in a better mood now, WE GO AGAIN!!

  12. May buy a book for my husband called ‘How to Stay Alive in the Woods,’ since we have a forest in our backyard, it may be helpful for him if he ever has to, I don’t know, live back there?

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