Seeing as it is that time of year, I thought I had best tell you of my least favourite moment with boys. He is an old friend from Canada and a few years ago he came down at Christmas just to spend some time with me. He had a few days to spare between doing nothing and ignoring me. Of course, when he arrived, he was as cute as ever and my heart melted.
We went out and had some beer and chatted a little. There was no deep and/or meaningful conversation, no roaring fire, no falling snow or proposals of marriage. There was of course a huge smile on my face and lots of gazing deeply into his eyes. He didn’t have to say or do anything sick and twisted, infatuation is like that I hear.
We came back to mine and made out which led to more which didn’t last very long. Who said true love was good in the sack? Then there was the moment I was waiting for when he proclaimed that he felt bad since he had a “sorta” girlfriend now. I was told before this that he was seeing/dating someone but it was not made clear that it was anything serious.
Of course, he told me this after sex when he was feeling guilty. I told him not to feel bad, being the stupid chick that I am, I told him it was unfinished business between us like a cheque that was written and needed to be cashed. Then in my most girl-like of ways I shed a couple of tears and professed undying love. How I felt bad about our situation how the timing is never right and how he lives too far away. Then I went out and got stinking drunk and ranted to the fates about true love sucking and how it’s just not fair.
It is all over and done with now and I just feel pissed off. I feel like my crush, my so-called love for him was used and abused in the most heinous of ways. He took what I was offering in the most heartfelt of ways and soiled it. It wasn’t just a shag for me I have had lots of those and never felt bad, never felt used until that moment.
I have never just “liked” anyone and I never ever (not counting my drunken wedding day) talk about how much I feel for someone. But this time I did, I had felt this way for a year and a half and seeing him again was like coming home, like I had been away for a few breathless minutes, just enough time to remember how much I missed him so I told him. I told him that I had loved him from the minute that we first met right down to this minute when he was telling me that he shouldn’t have fucked me since he had a girlfriend. I told him that I loved him and always would and if he ever wanted me, I would be there in a minute and he countered with “Nah, you don’t love me”.
I probably didn’t, I agree. I was hyped up on Christmas love dreams tainted by the first-Christmas-alone-blues and a couple of beers on an empty stomach. I guess I should know better by now but anything to do with matters of the heart leaves me feeling like that little girl with her first crush. I should have known better but I didn’t and I still don’t want to.
I’m bitter and crusty enough without becoming jaded as well.
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62 Comments on “Doing My Dirty Washing In Public #21”
You’re an old romantic at heart aren’t you?
Despicable. What is a “sort of” girlfriend?
Lester should do a column like this. “How To Be A Catfisher!”
You’re right, true love does suck!
I get the feeling despite your tough girl exterior inside there is a princess wanting to be loved.
I think we need to be told the story of the drunken wedding day!
You are either single or you are not single, there is no ‘sorta’.
He sounds a user and a right little shit!
Wish I had the patience or bottle to use online dating.
I don’t trust nobody who makes splelling mistakes…
Me and Dad are watching TV.
Cute fades but an ugly sweater is eternal. Get your Windows Christmas sweaters.
Might show Irene me willy on Snapchat, idk yet.
I’ll k*ll us both!
G’head.. Say “Tis the season” one more time motherfucker!
Have the lottery in your prayers for me boys bc imma bail us all out!
Gazing deeply into his eyes was the first mistake!
Just asked Nanny Beryl if she’s booked in for her jab ? Couldn’t wait to tell me she’s not old enough .
AirPods Max £549!!
HAHAHAHA NAHHH YE OKAY!!
Even if you’re working from home the work Xmas party can still get out of hand.
OMFG. An Irish fella I went out with ONCE 3 years ago but had to block bc he wouldn’t leave me alone, has found me on Instagram and left me a fucking voice note asking if we can be friends. The last contact with him was my mate from Dublin threatening him with the IRA!!!
Do I open a bottle of wine or do I stop being such a pisshead?
When do we get to the you meeting Dad story
Sorry too upsetting and brings back such sad memories. His daughter wouldn’t even come and meet me!
Omg you pair of mongs. You were way too busy to meet me!! Shacked up in some hotel somewhere if I remember rightly. Canadians have bigger balls than Americans shame the Jewish one wasn’t as nice as you, and no Catfish in sight!!
My Girlfriend said she’s leaving me because I have no imagination…
So I said to her “Well I’m leaving you because you have no.. errm, imagination”
If Spag Bol isn’t your go to tea are you even a Ma?
Just been to the Aldi in Page Moss… haven’t been there for ages. How long have the queueing shelters been there?
Positives about working from home:
– There’s no commute.
– I can talk to the cat all day.
Negatives about working from home:
– I don’t leave the house
– I’ve started talking to the cat.
The number of external Christmas lights on a house is inversely proportional to the IQ of the inhabitants!
Why do my mates insist on texting me “OMFG!!!!!” And when I reply saying “Whaaaa??” They ignore me for 2-3 working days, yeah cheers nice one my anxiety is through the fuckin roof!!
When you was pretending you wasn’t in to your mate and then your Ma comes in ye room with him on the house phone!
Just thrown the calendars and clocks out of the house not arsed with them anymore.
My throat hurts so much. This bitch needs hot chocolate & cuddles!
Dyson’s suck!
Dave is deffo a nonce who goes the Chelsea flower show.
“Who was Wenceslas-or ‘Wenceslaus’ as it is often written. Probably he is some relation to Santa Claus. They were brothers: Santa and Wense Claus. Santa brought the presents round on Christmas Day, and Wense looked out on Boxing Day to see no mistakes had been made.”
If anyone’s wondering if Cyberpunk 2077 is any good, I’ve just realised it’s 6:30am and I should probably go to bed.
Good morning and welcome to Tippety tap tap tinsel Thursday. May your day be as fabulous as meownself!
When I came back from my morning walk with my human yesterday I found Barbara in the veranda, munching on a little mouse. He had already eaten half of it but he’s a kind boy and he offered me the other half. It would have been rude to refuse, wouldn’t it?
Rolf report 10 Dec
Yesterday was the last day of the covid “student travel window”, for students to go home for Christmas. So lots of my student friends left campus. I seemed to know & spent my time patrolling the perimeters of the student residences. I will miss you all.
Rolf x
Good morning to everyone apart from those who grill their sausages so they are brown all over but then, eat Henziz beans & sossijes which have less colour than a whizz dick. Dirty fucking heathens!
Mr Alan found Cinderella poster from 1969 for me. I was but a young thing when I first performed with Mr Roy Castle and wonderfully my Mr Ivan gets a credit… a very rare thing indeed!
When you hear the devastating news that someone has posted shit through your ex’s letterbox and spraypainted “DIE CUNT” on his new car!
I’d like to make an official complaint to the management. Someone’s had the audacity to leave a pile of books on my favourite chair in year 3. I’m going to sit in the middle of the teacher’s desk and scowl in protest!
Who’s buying all the ribena then ? Fuckin own up ye selfish twats, shops brassico for it everytime I land.
Can no one talk to me for the day.. I’m too easily distracted I’ve a 2000 word essay due at four and I’ve managed to write a total of 0 words so far so it’s going swimmingly and I’m drowning ok bye x
During the height of the Cold War, the US military put such an emphasis on a rapid response to an attack on American soil, that for 20 years the ICBM launch codes were 00000000 to minimize delay.
[Read more: https://buff.ly/2RManHR ]
I’m not sure if I love it more that my smallest niece assumes an elf character for the whole of December or that my sister just…lets her be an elf? It’s one of the highlights of the year tbh
Meanwhile, life outside goes on all around you.
Peanut is in the sink. And why not?
I couldn’t have made it through 2020 without delivery drivers!!
Boring news but I am still dead.
All I want for Christmas is…
Made up me Ma’s an absolute psycho that lashed fruit bowls and that at me so now I respect women.
Naming my next pet something like Jeff or Gavin or Heather so that when I tell people who I’m hanging out with, they’ll think I have a life!
Need some girls to play Monster Hunter with because my husband says I’m not allowed to play it with men anymore. So any girl ps4 players please send me your tags.
How are you doing today?
Trumps acting like one of them kids who blatantly went out in 1 bounce but couldn’t take it an volleyed the ball on the school roof!
I have 5 cats but I have 12 litter boxes because apparently a bunch of other cats that I don’t know about also live here
Although the masters make the rules for the wise men and the fools, I got nothing, Ma, to live up to…
Boris is going to come back from Brussels with magic beans…