Hello again everyone. Seeing as we have restarted Jammy Toast, I thought I would pop along and say hello, even though I am pretty sure most of you will know me already. Just in case you are new to these parts, I thought I better introduce myself because I am a very polite bear. My name is Erasmus Bear, or ‘Razzi’ for short, and I was rescued from Holland where I was no longer wanted by my former little friend. So many years ago, Davidd brought me over to join his menagerie. Everyone seemed to grow to love me straight away because I am not a good bear like most of the others – I can be quite naughty. I am what Davidd calls a ‘playbear’ – that’s like a playboy but in bear form just in case you couldn’t work that out. As you can see from the picture above, I am very fond of some ‘girlie’ celebrities which seems to make me even more of a naughty bear in some people’s eyes – needless to say, David Beckham was in America when that photo was taken.
I used to have a serious girlfriend called Linzi and we used to go to the Tranmere Rovers’ games together and have dates in McDonalds. She didn’t think it was fair that Davidd had loads of teddy bears and I didn’t have any so one day we went to the arcades in New Brighton and she won me my own little purple bear who I named ‘Pookie’. Linzi was very forgiving and even allowed me to look at my bear porn on the internet. Unfortunately, in the end she decided she needed a human boyfriend and I don’t see her anymore. It always happens to bears; we are loved at first but then people outgrow us.
Me With Pookie.
I thought I would write this today because Mein Führer Andreaa comes back from her holiday tomorrow and she doesn’t like us pesky bears. She will probably go nuts because Davidd has let me, Flat Eric, Erik, and Great Uncle Bimbo write on the blog. I am sure she thinks it should be humans only. I can tell you a little secret that her mummy told me, she has a teddy bear that she has had since she was little and all he does is sit on top of her wardrobe! I don’t think she likes teddy bears.
It is difficult to imagine that thirteen years ago, when my original owner decided she didn’t want me anymore, I thought I was going to end up on a rubbish tip or even in an incinerator. Luckily Davidd rescued me via eBay for 99p and I came to England where I have been very happy since. Many things have happened since then and I have had a fantastic time. I also hope to have many more adventures in the future which I can tell you about on Jammy Toast – when Mein Führer is looking the other way, obviously.
One thing I am not too happy about; I overheard Mein Führer telling Davidd that she wants to start telling ghost stories on Jammy Toast. Some of you might remember that I am a bit of a scaredy bear when it comes to ghosts and monsters. Davidd watches frightening films sometimes and I have to hide behind the couch or under the bed while he does.
Anyway, hopefully Davidd will stand up to Mein Führer and give me the chance to tell you all about my future adventures sometime. Until then, be careful with this Miley Cyrus… you don’t want to end up in the next bed to Donald Trump!
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61 Comments on “Erasmus ‘Razzi’ Bear”
The fact me mates got her Christmas tree up in the first week of October is proper keeping me awake here.
I hope David Beckham doesn’t read Jammy Toast!!
Mein Führer
You’re everyone’s little heartthrob Razzi. x
Best place for a teddy bear is tied to the front of a lorry fella.
Best place for you is underneath a lorry, mate!
“Pesky” Bears? How double dare she Razz!
Mein Führer definitely needs bringing down a peg or two.
I look forward to hearing all of your future adventures, Razzi.
Razzi You Little Liar You Know You Are My Little Mate && I Love You Writing On The Blog.. Stop Pretending && Being Dramatic..
I Will Kick Gary Out && You Can Come && Stay The Weekend With Me.. xx
I can take you to McDonalds instead Razzi.
Cut my finger chopping carrots. I f*cking hate chopping carrots. F*ck carrots.
Come and watch Gogglebox with me Razz.
The governments Track & Trace system is done on a Nintendo 64.
This broke my heart, poor Razz hope he’s okay.
I’ve been nice for long enough Razzbox, now I’m on my worst behaviour!!
i was sad today and then I got my lashes and brows done and now ive remembered im that bitch mf x
The only time my house is spotless is when the WiFi is down…
That pic of you and Victoria Beckham is photoshopped surely! Naughty bear!
Boris! The computer’s fucked again!
I keep a list of how many children I have in a 2003 version of Excel. That explains a lot.
I’m rather fond of Victoria myself.
People don’t fake a mental illness, people fake being okay.
Manchester United have just asked me to Sign a deal to be their new Winger. Yep.
I said No.
My cat just sat on the remote and turned the channel to a better show than the one I was actually watching, so being a crazy cat lady is really working out for me.
Just look what I found in Bootle…
Moon big.
Hell is a teenage girl, but heaven is Claudia Conway.
Rather pleasingly the accompaniment to this morning’s carefully curated insomnia is a hooting owl.
Rolf report 6 Oct
I’m always overjoyed to see my campus mom Dr Claudia. Today I ran into her house with a cheery meow. Often my human friends ask how I met Claudia. The truth is I chose her. I just stated to visit the Economics Department regularly & there she was.
Rolf x
My human was impressed with Barbara’s balancing skills. She doesn’t seem to realise that most of us cats can do what he does. Personally, I prefer to keep my feet on the ground, or on a table or in a box, but Barbara is a bit more adventurous.
I think I’m ready to be worshipped by someone now.
*trips over edge of the couch*
Can I go back to bed and start this day again please??
Aunty Nora has always seemed old to me. She’s always worn comfy pants, and I never knew her when she had her own teeth.
Good mornings you f*cking idiots
We’re all in this together, it’s ridiculous!
These early morning r gettin harder and harder!
Is it just me or can today f*ck right off?
At The Airport Coming Home.. Have You Missed Me??
Who’s that?
Useless inventions: Tyre pressure warning light on cars, that doesn’t tell you which tyre. It’s the flat one. How long has that light been on? What light? Grrrrrrrr!
Just done the “I’m on the sick mate, sick n tired of it” joke to my neighbour lolz
It’s a day where you’ll want to keep the fuckin’ brolly handy if you’re out and about. Some sunny fuckin’ spells too.
I am going to actually take a day off at the end of next week and simply walk and think whilst I’m walking. I suspect the hardest thing will be not to think about food.
Joolie went in the garden today for a wee!
I do a lot of judging for someone can’t spell Wednesday without spelling it out Wed Nes Day.
Vegan Pumpkin Spice Latte is back!
Oh do fuck off.
Good morning Razzbox!
I’ve heard the rain has stopped at last, I’m dashing out for a bit of fresh air quick, before it starts again!
Someone just banged me door n I couldn’t see who it was so I went to hide up stairs then remembered I ordered a McDonald’s.
wish this rain would fuck off now, its boring.
People need boobs now even more than ever.
Fantastic feature currently being shown on Sky Sports News every hour about Tranmere’s continued work in the community!
Well worth a watch.
I will lead, you follow…
Why the fuck isn’t folks spelt with an ‘x’?
My Arms Are Tired With All This Flying…
Should of used your broomstick
I’m in such a chipper mood like I want to throw people into a wood chipper.
Wonder what the world will look like in 2023?