Guest Blogger #2

Posted by Rachel on
Category: Guest Bloggers52 Comments

Hello, it is me again. My name is Rachel… I took up your Dave’s invitation to be a guest blogger here on Jammy Toast. Alas, I am not a regular reader of Jammy Toast, in fact I only found it originally because my Dad’s name is also Dave – that is why I refer to them both as “my Dave” and “your Dave”. Your Dave, from what I can tell, has never grown up and by coincidence – neither has my Dave. So I thought I would tell you about my Dave, his stories, habits and little sayings. Everything I tell you is true… unfortunately. In fact, many people find my Dave hilarious, I just mostly find him embarrassing. I think I should also add that I did ask my Dave for permission to write this on a blog and he replied; “What’s a blog?” I took this to mean I had his permission

My Dave has never been brilliant at realising the consequences of his actions. He has many brilliant qualities and attributes but when it comes down to consequences then there is no thought process. When he was a teenager he gave a boy a nickname but didn’t think of the future and how one day, in the then not too distant future, how that boy would go on to become his brother in law… and thus will then have to forgive and forget this nickname for the next thirty years’ worth of family gatherings.

My Dave doesn’t think about the consequences of leaving trousers that usually end up covered in chocolate (somehow), on his bedroom floor. By now he could probably predict my Mum getting on at him that the wash basket is next to his own wash pile, but he can’t predict that our dog Mollie (yes, Mollie The Collie- my Dad’s idea of a joke, would you believe?), would then go on to eat the arse out of his trousers. Then again, this now seems to happen as frequently as my Mum complains about the wash pile.

My Dave seems to accept all stupidity as a challenge, if he does realise the consequences then he just doesn’t seem to care. A good example of this is from a few years ago on a walk with Mollie The Collie; he came across a red square of plastic on the ground, picked it up, carefully examined it and then placed it back on the floor. “Careful you don’t step on it, Dave. You might slip,” advises my Mum. Challenge accepted.

As we continued to walk I turn to my left and I don’t see my Dad. However, I do see both of his feet sticking up in the air. Thump! We turn and there he is, spread-eagle on the pavement. We gather and sympathetically glance down at him. After we have laughed until we cried and until my Mum had almost wet herself. Well, you have to get your priorities right don’t you? “Why did you step on it if you knew it was going to be slippery?” exclaims my Mum. “Just making sure” replied my Dad.

Just making sure? See what I mean? We see a lack of safety and we judge it and deem it unsuitable. We automatically avoid the danger, we have that thought process. My Dad has it but then chooses to challenge it. This is the basis of slapstick comedy but if my Dad is the next Charlie Chaplin I am not so sure it’s intended.

Oh, and because I bet you are all wondering… what was the nickname? Squeaky Nerr. You know… because of my Uncle’s club foot.

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About the Author


Many people find my Dad hilarious, I mostly just find him embarrassing but feel free to read what I write and decide for yourself. Oh, I feel I should add that I did ask my Dad for his permission to write about him on this blog and he replied with “I don’t know what a blog is”. I took that to mean yes.

52 Comments on “Guest Blogger #2”

  1. We’re going to Blackpool tomorrow. Me bird clearly wants to give her new really expensive coat a run out. Might see if I can find that red square of plastic to create the right impression.

  2. My Dad Dave once got really drunk and shouted across a very crowded hotel “OMG LOOK AT THOSE FA CUP EARS.”

    Now if you know my Dad Dave you also know he has the LOUDEST voice ever. We never saw big ears again for the whole of that holiday. However, yes I laughed, yes we did con-flab that he may have even committed suicide and yes I may of said “So would I with ears like that,” but still come on. Please nobody mention a “Ring” :roflao: :roflao: :roflao: :roflao: :roflao: :roflao: :roflao: :roflao:

  3. Who ever has just been sending texts to my landline using BT. I hope you have a shit sleep for having me get out of bed & go downstairs when I was really comfy, but I also hope you’re not in any danger.

  4. My human found a photo of Red Fred from a few years ago. She had just picked all the squash and was storing them in a greenhouse. Red Fred being a ginger blends in with them very well.

  5. “Look, Pooh!” said Piglet. “There’s something in one of the Pine Trees.”
    “It’s a Jagular,” said Pooh. They hide in the branches of trees, and drop on you as you go underneath.”
    Piglet felt that to be underneath a Very Good Dropper would be a Mistake.

  6. Had the baby and then had a good nights sleep last night after the nurse telling me I won’t sleep a wink because of my injection. Going back to see her in a bit for another, gonna bounce in like I’ve beat the system.

  7. Rolf report Oct 13

    I love to hang out around the student residences on campus. Lots of students leave their windows ajar. I have been known to be able to break in through a 3 inch window gap. Many students have gone back to their rooms & found me snoozing on their beds.

    Rolf x

  8. This time next week I’ll be a nice person again, if I’ve been mean to you it was probably just my hormones but maybe it’s more your fault, probably is. But I’ll have a brand new baby girl at home, a very happy son and a glass of wine. I will be lovely to everyone an less miserable.

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