HMS Jammy Toast Hits An Iceberg

Posted by Edward Bear PhD on
Category: Jammy Toast38 Comments

Houston, we have a problem. There is trouble at mill, the good ship HMS Jammy Toast has hit an iceberg – we bears are not happy. The problem is that as some of our human authors have become more popular, it has pushed us bear authors out and we don’t get a chance to post. In fact, Erik ‘The Hat’, Great Uncle Bimbo and Flat Eric are the only bears who have a chance to post at least monthly. Others – including Razzi, Edward, Egginanoo, Einstein and George – have been pushed out and only occasionally or very rarely get the chance to post anything at all. Furthermore, another one of our bears, Erika, has been asking for a chance to start her own series of posts off for some time now and every month we simple run out of days. In a nutshell, we have over forty posts/posters who want to post something every month and yet there are only around thirty days in each month.

Poor Razzi used to write his own column – Razzi Writes – plus his Scary Monsters and Razzi’s Girls columns most months. Currently he hasn’t written anything for months now. I used to write my own column also but I haven’t posted anything for a long time. George’s Sports Column, Einstein’s Science Column, Erik ‘The Hats’ Column – although he has been writing Favourite Film and Telly Programme posts – Egginanno’s Art Column plus many of Uncle Bimbo’s ‘Remembering’ columns have all been dropped during the last twelve months simply because of the lack of space.

It would be easy to suggest that Bear Music Sunday’s, Talking Shit Friday’s and The Andreaa Angel Show – all who post weekly – should be reduced to only posting monthly. The problem with that is that these three posts are the most popular on Jammy Toast according to our analytics. More people visit Jammy Toast on their days – presumably to see these posts – than on any other day. So reducing these would obviously go against what Toasters want.

That is something we don’t want to do but what are we going to do about this problem? How are we going to give some of ours bears more opportunities to post things themselves? Well, after a great deal of thought – and some heated debate – these are some of the ideas we have come up with. These are just ideas and are not set in concrete. We want your thoughts on our plans.

  • Instead of using up a day’s post to announce news or new features here at Jammy Toast, we could have a dedicated News Page. This could be updated every time there is any news and even use a pop-up to let people know when it has been updated to remind Toasters to check it out.
  • Some items could also benefit from a dedicated page, instead of using up a post. Egginanoo, for example, has two pages dedicated to her artwork. When she posts it is usually just to say she has added a new drawing/painting to her collection. Again a pop-up could be used to perform this task.
  • Stop The Bearkeeper from writing rubbish like “Toilets Of The Wirral” and “Old Railway Stations Of The Wirral”. The question has been asked, what have these things got to do with bears? Davidd does get carried away sometimes.
  • Decide in advance who gets to post every month. As a rough guide, we could put aside twenty posts for frequent/monthly posters and leave other days free for occasional posts by others. Also leave a few days each month for rare writers and little general interest posts.
  • Do all posters have to have a series? Some bears may just want to post something and then never post ever again because they have said all they want to say. Jammy Toast seems to be guilty of pressuring people into becoming serial posters when maybe they don’t want to be.

One thing that we do not want to implement is posting more than once a day. Last year we started posting twice on Saturday and Sunday but many people missed the extra posts. We are all creatures of habit. Many people – for example – pop onto Jammy Toast at 7pm every day after tea. If we post something at 9am and then again after at 6pm, these people miss the early post.

The following is a table of posts we feel should be included at least every week or every month.

Weekly/Monthly Posts

Title Poster Frequency Days/Month
Bear Music Flat Eric Sundays 4 (avg)
Talking Shit The Bearkeeper Fridays 4 (avg)
The Andreaa Angel Show Andreaa Angel Thursdays 4 (avg)
Bimbo Remembers/Dogs Great Uncle Bimbo Montly 1
Favourite Films Erik ‘The Hat’ Bear Monthly 1
Lestly In The Hizzouse Lester B. Monthly 1
Lisa’s Dirty Washing Lisa ‘W’ Monthly 1
Our Granny The Bearkeeper Monthly 1
Paddington Bear Michael Bond CBE Monthly 1
Pot Noodle’s Say Pot Noodle Monthly 1
Razzi Writes Erasmus ‘Razzi’ Bear Monthly 1
Telly Favourtes Erik ‘The Hat’ Bear Monthly 1
The Adventures of Mr Benn Mr Benn Monthly 1
Winnie The Pooh AA Milne Monthly 1

We are nearly at the end of the Mr Benn posts, so that means we have twenty-two days every month used by posts/posters who have material to post each month. We then have five posters who occasionally want to post as follows.

Occasional Posts

Title Poster Frequency Days/Month
Davidd’s Doodles The Bearkeeper Occasional 0
Edward’s Column Edward Occasional 0
Egginanoo’s Column Egginanoo Occasional 0
Einstein’s Column Einstein Occasional 0
Erik’s Column Erik ‘The Hat’ Bear Occasional 0

If we stick to this plan, then even on a busy month when all occasional posters want to post something then we still have a few days left over for the odd news or general interest story we want to feature. This sounds like a great plan moving forward – we just need to stop Davidd posting shit now!

Let us know if you have any ideas/thoughts on this subject.

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About the Author

Edward Bear PhD

I am the bear in charge of things and also the Blog Admin. I keep the bear’s online presence alive and ticking while helping with many of the day to day tasks around Jammy Toast. I also have the distinction of being the only bear to graduate from Cambridge University where I gained a PhD. in Computer Sciences.

38 Comments on “HMS Jammy Toast Hits An Iceberg”

    1. I’m crap Matt at writing posts. I have nothing interesting to write about, I’m boring. I got asked for ID in Tesco, thats about as interesting as it gets.

  1. if you’re ever feeling down about yourself, just remember that there are women who are engaged to serial killers on death row after 2 weeks of being their pen pal x

  2. Mornings were made for sleeping, wild sex and bacon … since I can’t eat bacon and we all know I don’t sleep … well then … I guess we know what’s left.

    Good Morning!!

  3. The neighbour’s dog shat in our garden, so my wife told me to get a shovel and throw it over the fence. I don’t see what that solved. Now we’ve got dog shit in our garden and the neighbours have our shovel.

    Terence Bumblewight, Stockport.

  4. My name is Jon I have several hundred Fucking Ugly children. I have dabbled in Biscuits over the years. I’ve had many many shits now send me the keys to number 10, I’ll sort this pile of shit out.


  5. I found my hat. Today is mum in law’s birthday and we’re giving here a birthday lunch so another opportunity to test my will power. A reasonably healthy start to the diet yesterday. No soup and mainly fish and veg so pleased with myself. Need to get the portion control happening though.

    Anyway, I’m glad I found my hat.

    1. All our bears have their own likes and dislikes and areas which they write about here on Jammy Toast. Egginanoo is an artist, Uncle Bimbo is old and remembers things from many years ago. Erik loves the telly and Razzi… well Razzi is just a heart-throb.

  6. America: where raped women can’t get safe, ilegal abortions but Bill Cosby – the rapist can tweet a Father’s Day tweet from jail.

    Absolutely backward mate.

  7. Eeyore stood by himself and thought about things. Sometimes he thought sadly to himself, “Why?” and sometimes he didn’t know what he was thinking. So when Pooh came stumping along, Eeyore was very glad to be able to stop thinking for a little.

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