Jammy Toast’s Spanish Adventure

Posted by Lord Bearkeeper OBE DASc on
Category: Holidays/Events19 Comments

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On Thursday I posted a Classic Toast post telling the story of my first visit to Yorkshire with Razzi. Later on The Chimpton and I were laughing about my adventures in the land of the early to bed when she reminded me of a rather remarkable day in Spain. We were on holiday in Portugal when we awoke to a rather miserable day. It was cloudy and rather chilly but over in the distance we could see the sun was out in Spain. So we got our passports, jumped into the car and started heading towards Spain.

Now most of you will be shocked to hear this, because it hardly ever happens, but after passing through the border into Spain we got lost. After searching around for a while I was suddenly overcome with an insatiable desire to have a wee-wee. We were heading into a small Spanish village somewhere near Isla Cristina on our way to Playa de Islantilla Beach. I parked the car pretty near to a bar, which I felt pretty confident would have a toilet.

If any of you have ever watched an old Spaghetti Western where the stranger from out of town walks into the saloon and it suddenly goes quiet while everyone turns around to look at the stranger. That is just how I felt walking into that bar. The Chimpton says it should have had a sign above the door saying: “A Local Bar, for Local People”. On the other hand, I kept expecting to hear the theme tune from A Fist Full of Dollars and Clint Eastwood to walk out in his poncho.

I was the man bear-keeper with no name!

I decided against using the facilities and continued our search for a toilet. Luckily we quickly found a little café and decided to stop and ask for directions to the beach at Playa de Islantilla – there was sure to be toilets there. The man refused to tell us unless we purchased some drinks. We sat at a table while the guy brought us some lukewarm, diet pop. We started drinking when suddenly we were invaded by a guy on a scooter who had driven straight into the shop on his 50cc motor scooter.

The guy was speaking loudly in Spanish about us buying Spanish State Lottery tickets. Every time we declined his kind offer he replied: “Yes, yes. Lottery!” I think this guy was the local Del Boy from Only Fools and Horses out to make a few Pesetas for himself. “This time next year, we will be millionaires.”

We drank our Cokes as quickly as we could and headed for the door. The Chimpton doesn’t even like Coke but she downed it that day faster than I have ever seen her drink anything. The guy from the shop wanted paying for the drinks so I just held out my hand with a pile of money in it and let him help himself. Sorry to be using another film vernacular, but the whole thing was like a scene from Deliverance.

We drove out of town as fast as we could and, luckily, found Playa de Islantilla Beach further along the main highway. We traipsed down to the beach and threw a couple of towels down to collapse onto and started soaking up the lovely rays.

The beach was quiet with hardly anyone in sight. The Chimpton did some sunbathing while I went for a little paddle in the sea. It was nice and cool in the water following the stresses of the day and I started to unwind and enjoy the fun of being on holiday in the sun – without any sun cream obviously as that is just for wimps.

I hadn’t been that long in the water when I turned round to return to where Chimpton was lying enjoying the sun. I returned to her and shook myself to splash her with as much water as I could manage. The joys of having your Dad on holiday with you.

As we sat there laughing and arguing with each other just along from us we had woken up an elderly man who had been fast asleep in the sun. He stood up, looked at us with disgust, stretched and started to walk past us… totally naked!

We both burst out laughing. We had ended up on a nudist beach again!

Why does it always happen to us?

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About the Author

Lord Bearkeeper OBE DASc

A sad and lonely old man who used to have a life but it has now been taken over by his dedication to the cause of saving Renault Bears, running Jammy Toast and searching eBay, car boot sales, charity shops, lofts and even under beds for his beloved bears. He has even now taken in Flat Eric to save him from homelessness – his life is no longer his own!


19 Comments on “Jammy Toast’s Spanish Adventure”

  1. The toilet is plugged and was overflowing. I turned the water off but the whole basement smells like piss. I know it will get fixed and I rent so it won’t cost me anything yet I’m still crying.

    I’m just going to spend the whole weekend crying.

  2. I have just remembered a little story concerning our visit to another beach but this time in St Petersburg in Miami where The Chimpton nearly caused a riot and had mothers rounding up their children!

    Maybe that’s a story for another day…

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