Killer Cows

Posted by Davidd Birko on
Category: Animals/Pets58 Comments

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Ateacher was killed this week while out walking his dog. The deputy head teacher was walking in fields in Yorkshire when he was trampled to death by a herd of cows. In May, an 82-year-old man died from injuries while walking his dog in the Yorkshire Dales. Does make you wonder just how common these incidents are and how they happen. According to the Health & Safety Executive, members of the public are rarely killed by cows. They investigate incidents involving farmers and farm workers. Between 2015/16 and 2019/20 they investigated 142 incidents of which 22 resulted in a death. Members of the public resulted in only four of these deaths. They also investigated 65 non-fatal incidents involving cattle and members of the public. Luckily, they didn’t need to investigate my brush with a herd of cows.

I understand that such incidents may be extremely rare but they can also be extremely frightening. My own incident happened one Saturday when I decided to take the dogs for a walk. This was back in the days when I had Max and Duke. If you remember Great Uncle Bimbo’s stories or our dogs, you may recall that Max feared nothing and disliked any other dog or human. Luckily for us, it appeared he disliked cows too.

It being the weekend and me having time on my hands, I decided to take the dogs to Chester. I crossed over the river and drove to a public walkway which crosses farmer’s fields and follows the river. It was a warm, summers day and the dogs used to love having a swim and a play in the water. The river bank is a good few foot above the river level so I was wandering along looking for a spot where it was easy to climb down to the river. I found such a spot and the three of us descended to the river level.

I was throwing a ball for the dogs to chase when a swan took a dislike to Max being in his river. He came swimming over towards Max flapping his wings in an aggressive posture. Max didn’t like the look of this swan at all and came swimming back to the bank as fast as he could swim with the swan in hot pursuit. Once he reached terra-firma, he turned around ready to confront the swan. The swan didn’t fancy taking on 42 snapping gnashers and so kept his distance. Max didn’t fancy getting back into the water so we had ourselves a Spanish stand-off. It was quite amusing watching them. Each of them ready for the fight but only on their own terms which was never going to happen. There was no way the swan was coming ashore and Max was steadfastly refusing to go back in the water.

Just in case Max did get hold of the swan, I thought it was best to head back up the bank towards the farmer’s field and away from the psycho-swan. As I turned around, standing above us, was a herd of cows who had probably come to investigate the commotion. We were literally surrounded by these cows with no way of escaping the predicament we were in. I started to climb the bank towards the cows just as they decided they were coming down. If I didn’t do something we were going to get driven into the river.

I decided the only course of action was to set Max onto the cows in the hope he dispersed them and then recall him. “Max, get ‘em!” Max was not an attack dog, that was just the command I used to get him to play-attack traffic cones – his favourite pastime – when we were out on walks. Max took one look at the cows and flew at them, barking and snapping. Luckily for us, the cows decided that discretion was the better part of valour and fled. I recalled Max before he could get the cows and he came back to me with a ‘you ruin all my fun’ look on his face.

I later found out that where we were was the cow’s watering hole. It was the only point in their field where they could get down to the water for a drink and it was a hot day. However, I still do not know what I would have done if I didn’t have Max with me. The Countryside Code says that cows can become aggressive if they feel threatened. It says keep dogs under control and well away from cows especially if they have young calves with them. A spokesman for the National Farmers Union said online, “If walking with a dog, the code recommends keeping dogs on a lead and under close control around farm animals and horses, but to release them if threatened or chased by livestock.”

I followed these guidelines to the letter, keeping my dogs under control and not allowing them to run free around the cattle and we were nowhere near the herd and yet they still decided to come and seek us out.

I suggest you be very careful around cows; they are surprising large when you get up close.

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Posted By

Davidd Birko

A sad and lonely old man who used to have a life but it has now been taken over by his dedication to the cause of saving teddy bears, running Jammy Toast and searching eBay, car boot sales, charity shops, lofts and even under beds for unwanted bears. He has even now taken in Flat Eric to save him from homelessness – his life is no longer his own!

58 Comments on “Killer Cows”

  1. My fear of cows has finally been validated!! On my first holiday in the UK, I climbed over a stile on a footpath in Devon and was approached by a herd of curious cows. I started screaming. They got closer and started mooing (no doubt to discuss among themselves who the screaming idiot was). Needless to say, my husband climbed over, walked past us and went on his merry way, as did the cows soon after. I’m still convinced they were killers.

  2. Arguing with a Pigeon is like playing Chess with Donald Trump. Yep.

    Trump will knock all the pieces over, Shit on his legs and strut around like he won. In Orange.

  3. Let’s be honest none of the lads on the internet are ever gonna meet me for a straightener if we have beef. Can’t risk getting chinned by a crossdresser, their reputation would be in tatters. May as well just delete your account.

  4. Rolf report 30 Sept

    Rather than going to campus, I went for a long leash walk around the neighbourhood with my American human. I like to conduct a “petrol patrol” where I walk around the local cars & sniff them. Of course, my favourite activity is to roll in the schmutz.

    Rolf x

  5. When my human saw Dorothy and me she said it looked like a scene from Romeo and Juliet. What on earth is she on about? She says the most weird things which don’t make any sense at all. What’s a ‘scene’ and who are Romeo and Juliet? I’ll never understand her.

  6. “What does the North Pole look like?”
    “Well,” said Rabbit, stroking his whiskers, “sure to be a pole, because of calling it a pole, and if it’s a pole, I should think it would be sticking in the ground, because there’d be nowhere else to stick it.”

  7. The hedges have been cut & I’m inspecting the handiwork. Hmmm a sticky-out bit here might scratch a little person, I’ll catch the attention of one of the grown ups before someone gets hurt. This is an important part of Hedgewatch 2020.

  8. Had an hour long discussion with 6 about why he can’t stay off school today just because he doesn’t like his trousers. He’s available for the next debate if it’s not past his bedtime.


  9. Ladies! Ladies! Ladies! Jay and Silent Bob are in the White Hizzouse! Weed love to be your President… So vote JAY & SILENT BOB FOR ’20 and we promise our country will go up in smoke!

  10. I’ve been using the same laptop for over eight years because computers are expensive and my son just told me we need a new refrigerator because “the ice isn’t cold enough.”

    I told him “Ice is ice. If it wasn’t cold enough it would be water.” He called me an idiot and now I’m researching new refrigerators.

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