I understand that such incidents may be extremely rare but they can also be extremely frightening. My own incident happened one Saturday when I decided to take the dogs for a walk. This was back in the days when I had Max and Duke. If you remember Great Uncle Bimbo’s stories or our dogs, you may recall that Max feared nothing and disliked any other dog or human. Luckily for us, it appeared he disliked cows too.
It being the weekend and me having time on my hands, I decided to take the dogs to Chester. I crossed over the river and drove to a public walkway which crosses farmer’s fields and follows the river. It was a warm, summers day and the dogs used to love having a swim and a play in the water. The river bank is a good few foot above the river level so I was wandering along looking for a spot where it was easy to climb down to the river. I found such a spot and the three of us descended to the river level.
I was throwing a ball for the dogs to chase when a swan took a dislike to Max being in his river. He came swimming over towards Max flapping his wings in an aggressive posture. Max didn’t like the look of this swan at all and came swimming back to the bank as fast as he could swim with the swan in hot pursuit. Once he reached terra-firma, he turned around ready to confront the swan. The swan didn’t fancy taking on 42 snapping gnashers and so kept his distance. Max didn’t fancy getting back into the water so we had ourselves a Spanish stand-off. It was quite amusing watching them. Each of them ready for the fight but only on their own terms which was never going to happen. There was no way the swan was coming ashore and Max was steadfastly refusing to go back in the water.
Just in case Max did get hold of the swan, I thought it was best to head back up the bank towards the farmer’s field and away from the psycho-swan. As I turned around, standing above us, was a herd of cows who had probably come to investigate the commotion. We were literally surrounded by these cows with no way of escaping the predicament we were in. I started to climb the bank towards the cows just as they decided they were coming down. If I didn’t do something we were going to get driven into the river.
I decided the only course of action was to set Max onto the cows in the hope he dispersed them and then recall him. “Max, get ‘em!” Max was not an attack dog, that was just the command I used to get him to play-attack traffic cones – his favourite pastime – when we were out on walks. Max took one look at the cows and flew at them, barking and snapping. Luckily for us, the cows decided that discretion was the better part of valour and fled. I recalled Max before he could get the cows and he came back to me with a ‘you ruin all my fun’ look on his face.
I later found out that where we were was the cow’s watering hole. It was the only point in their field where they could get down to the water for a drink and it was a hot day. However, I still do not know what I would have done if I didn’t have Max with me. The Countryside Code says that cows can become aggressive if they feel threatened. It says keep dogs under control and well away from cows especially if they have young calves with them. A spokesman for the National Farmers Union said online, “If walking with a dog, the code recommends keeping dogs on a lead and under close control around farm animals and horses, but to release them if threatened or chased by livestock.”
I followed these guidelines to the letter, keeping my dogs under control and not allowing them to run free around the cattle and we were nowhere near the herd and yet they still decided to come and seek us out.
I suggest you be very careful around cows; they are surprising large when you get up close.


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58 Comments on “Killer Cows”
They are pretty large animals.
Their eyes scare me!
Whenever a cow sees a dog it simply thinks it is a wolf.
It is difficult to stop a charging cow but NOTHING will stop a charging bull!
My fear of cows has finally been validated!! On my first holiday in the UK, I climbed over a stile on a footpath in Devon and was approached by a herd of curious cows. I started screaming. They got closer and started mooing (no doubt to discuss among themselves who the screaming idiot was). Needless to say, my husband climbed over, walked past us and went on his merry way, as did the cows soon after. I’m still convinced they were killers.
I used to keep a cow but luckily we are divorced now!
Just get them to MOOOOOOOVVVEEEE!!
Cows are normally afraid of humans but they can easily get spooked, especially if they have young calves.
I am sure I read somewhere that cows kill more people every year than sharks… even without a sharknado.
Cows are so scary if they start chasing you.
Cattle and dogs do not mix.
Best place for a cow is on my BBQ.
I’m convinced cows will find any reason to be mad…
I’m not sure why there should be a problem with Universal Credit. We are using the same algorithm that worked so well for the exam results.
My dog growls at his own arse after he’s farted. I love that idiot.
There’s so many hair ups I’d look sexy af with but nah I had to get me da’s FA cup ears didn’t I?
The old man across the street is cutting his grass in shorty shorts.
And boom…just like that… I’m pregnant.
Arguing with a Pigeon is like playing Chess with Donald Trump. Yep.
Trump will knock all the pieces over, Shit on his legs and strut around like he won. In Orange.
Is a biscuit teapot more or less useless than a chocolate tea pot?
When I die I want my statue to say ‘He was a humble man’.
Let’s forget about today & do some sleep.
Let’s be honest none of the lads on the internet are ever gonna meet me for a straightener if we have beef. Can’t risk getting chinned by a crossdresser, their reputation would be in tatters. May as well just delete your account.
The dinosaurs are looking good today.
Can someone go down stairs and get me some apple juice?
Hulk, he wasn’t happy.
Rolf report 30 Sept
Rather than going to campus, I went for a long leash walk around the neighbourhood with my American human. I like to conduct a “petrol patrol” where I walk around the local cars & sniff them. Of course, my favourite activity is to roll in the schmutz.
Rolf x
Tonight is a wrap yourself in a ball and cry yourself to sleep kind of night.
Woke up 3 hours before me alarm there funny tha, fuck off lad!
When my human saw Dorothy and me she said it looked like a scene from Romeo and Juliet. What on earth is she on about? She says the most weird things which don’t make any sense at all. What’s a ‘scene’ and who are Romeo and Juliet? I’ll never understand her.
“What does the North Pole look like?”
“Well,” said Rabbit, stroking his whiskers, “sure to be a pole, because of calling it a pole, and if it’s a pole, I should think it would be sticking in the ground, because there’d be nowhere else to stick it.”
The depressing cold dark mornings are coming…
I really have to start eating sensibly. I will start today by using cutlery.
Sod this. Going fishing.
Laters
My mate dragged me to Ibiza and all’s I done was nap in the sun, drink beer, eat an wanna go to bed early, I don’t know why anyone would wanna take me to a party island?
Is it bad that is me now?
Good morning from Lupa!
I’m off to meet the plaster coving fella who has a suitably French non de plume. The guy is an artisan make no mistake.
FUCK’S SAKE, MATE, IT’S AN ATM. YOU’RE NOT DEFUSING A BOMB OR LAUNCHING THE FUCKING SPACE SHUTTLE!
Good morning Razzbox! Ohh it’s not long now!
How many local lockdowns constitutes a national lockdown?
The hedges have been cut & I’m inspecting the handiwork. Hmmm a sticky-out bit here might scratch a little person, I’ll catch the attention of one of the grown ups before someone gets hurt. This is an important part of Hedgewatch 2020.
A very fuckin’ wet start to Wednesday across western areas. Fuckin’ rain and strong winds will gradually move eastwards through the day.
An hour of walking kids to 2 different schools, this is enough now, can I have my license back DVLA? il be good I swear.
Morning time for a flapjack…
Really hungry but really don’t want to throw up again today thanks x
Had an hour long discussion with 6 about why he can’t stay off school today just because he doesn’t like his trousers. He’s available for the next debate if it’s not past his bedtime.
#PresidentialDebate
WHO ASKED TO BE BORN?
I’m still dead.
Craving cheesy nachos and Tim Burton films.
This virus is a bastard. I’ve had to spend time with the missus and I just found out she no longer works in Woolworths!
Trick colleagues into thinking you’ve had a meltdown by having a cat walk across your laptop mid-email.
I have made a decision after last nights debate that I will not be taking part in the US elections.
Buy More Tripe.
BBC News just now: Want to break quarantine? Don’t worry – police are “too busy” to investigate.
Ladies! Ladies! Ladies! Jay and Silent Bob are in the White Hizzouse! Weed love to be your President… So vote JAY & SILENT BOB FOR ’20 and we promise our country will go up in smoke!
I’ve been using the same laptop for over eight years because computers are expensive and my son just told me we need a new refrigerator because “the ice isn’t cold enough.”
I told him “Ice is ice. If it wasn’t cold enough it would be water.” He called me an idiot and now I’m researching new refrigerators.
The best way is to keep the kids in school and the economy moving

Face with tears of joy