Lestly In The Hizzouse #9

Posted by Lester B. on
Category: Lester's Column35 Comments

Iwas walking down the street when I stopped at an intersection waiting for the light. Stood just in front of me was a woman with a child doing exactly the same thing. The little girl couldn’t have been more than eight or nine and she turned round and looked up at me. She smiled and in the city where no one acknowledges anyone else and she actually said, “Hello.” I smiled back at her as her mother turned to see who her daughter was talking to. She looked at me with the eyes of a mother who is looking out for her daughter and more or less said, “Don’t even go there,” with her eyes. I looked straight ahead, wishing the light to change.

A short while later the light changed and we all walked forward, crossing the intersection. It was pretty crowded on the street and I was more or less forced to walk behind the mother and daughter as they forged a way through the oncoming sea of pedestrians. She obviously thought I looked a bit goofy because the little girl kept looking back at me and smiling.

I was meeting a friend for coffee and half-way down the next block I turned into the coffee shop where we had scheduled our meet. My friend was already there, so I took off my jacket and joined her at her table. We greeted each other and I ordered a coffee and a cookie from the waitress just in time to see the woman and daughter walk into the coffee shop. The place was crowded and so the mother stood there for a while looking around. The only two seats together were at our table.

The mother and her daughter walked over towards us and asked if we minded if she sat at our table. My friend told her we didn’t mind at all and she sat down and started taking her daughter’s coat off, as my friend and I continued our conversation.

During a lull in the conversation the little girl looked at me and said, “Hello, again.” Her mother looked at me and recognised me from as the man from the intersection. She apologised stating that her daughter talks to everyone she comes across. I was telling the mother it was fine and nothing to worry about it when a pigeon landed on the windowsill right in front of us. He gave a nervous look around him to make sure the coast was clear and immediately started pacing along the ledge outside the window.

The little girl was fascinated watching the bird when I suggested we drop a piece of my cookie out of the window for him. She smiled at me and said, “Yes, he will like some cookie.” So I stood up, stretched up and dropped a small piece of my cookie in the general direction of the pigeon. The pigeon thought he was under attack and, as he flapped his wings, the little girl laughed thinking it was funny a bird could be scared by the smallest piece of cookie.

Watching him fly off she waved her hand at our new feathered friend and came out with the funniest line I think I have ever heard in the whole history of my life.

“Goodbye, street chicken!”

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About the Author

Lester B.

A number of things have been pointed out to me lately: I have a mole on my nose which I was completely unaware of, I also have rather mad hair, old glasses and a bit of a wonky-donkey going on. It also appears that I have love-handles because I am getting lax in my exercise routine and a fondness for rubber tree plants. Chimpy even says if she ever met me she would pretend she never knew me.

35 Comments on “Lestly In The Hizzouse #9”

  1. Matt you are definitely my favourite on here! Sorry fleapit but you don’t appear enough :blow-kiss:

    Yawn. That was as boring as watching a fat lady pick her knickers out of her bum. Yea the Aspergers strikes again. Wasn’t great that. Lestly ‘used’ to be funny, guess being near 60 you lost your funny somewhere.

  2. So if you’re travellin’ in the north country fair
    Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline
    Remember me to one who lives there
    For she once was a true love of mine

  3. Just said my goodbyes to Barb. Won’t see her for a month now. She’s not going anywhere mind, she’s just under strict instructions not to disturb me during the World Cup.

  4. Imagine the Liverpool Echo news desk this morning? Fly the reporters back from Moscow now . A wheelie bin has blown over in Speke , storm of the century is upon us .


  5. I want a devil raccoon who will steal souls instead of garbage and then me and my little satanic trash panda will snuggle up at night in a room lit up by your souls glowing in a jar in the corner.

  6. I was going through some old pictures and came across one of me coming off life support after five days on a ventilator because of an asthma attack. It’s so insane to realize what happened to me. I won’t let it win. I won’t go down without a fight.

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